Friday, January 21, 2011

Who gives a boob, anyway?

Disclaimer: Dear Fellas, i speak about noombies/boobs a lot in this post...but not in a way you'd full appreciate. You have been warned. Seriously.

The funniest things make the news these days. I guess when the average attention-span has been hijacked and overloaded with the more serious type stories (think: natural disasters, testy elections, shooting sprees etc) the media decides to relieve us with some non-newsworthy tidbits such as George Clooney contracting malaria (*crickets*) or resurrecting a long-standing debate.

This week the done-t0-death debate that was given a second-wind wastriggered by one model, Miranda Kerr. Ms Kerr debuted a photo of her and her new sprog, with said-sprog latched at the breast of his yummy mummy, who looked in full bloom (pun-intended).

What was meant to be a seemingly innocent picture of "mother with babe" got misconstrued as some subliminal breastfeeding campaign with Ms Kerr playing the role of the self-righteous protagonist. Baby-formula activists everywhere started foaming at the mouth at this implied snub and what i want to know is...

Who gives a boob, anyway?

The answer, it turns out, is not that many people. Breastfeeding shares ranks with the likes of garter belts, glitter nail varnish, Burt Reynolds and jelly shoes: i.e things deemed "unfashionable" amongst women of the current generation *insert eyeroll*

I understand not being able to breastfeed your nunu 'cause you just can't due to complications or that your little bub is refusing...but opting out of it because it's not your thing or you're worried about ithe impact it will have on your noombies....hah, i have no words.

Fair enough, breastfeeding is one of those activities that has been overly romanticised. The healthiest option for your baby it maybe, nevertheless, a pleasant experience for your noombies it is not. My co-worker recently got back from maternity leave last week and took great pleasure on filling me in on the rather alarming aspects of motherhood AFTER the laborious process of child-birth (yes, it only gets worse).

Phrases like "cracked nipples" and "veiny stretchmarks" had me crossing my legs extra tight and screaming for a gestational surrogate quicker than you could say "Nicole Kidman".

At the end of the day new mum's should just woman-up, breastfeed if they're capable of doing so and open a savings account to fund their future full C-cup noombies courtesy of Dr 90201 if need be...breast augmentations, i see you!

Holla your thoughts in the comments, chickens!

PS: I have a theory that the boy-child is never fully weaned from breastfeeding...err, but that's a story for another day.


Have an awesome weekend, chickens!

To those of you in flood-stricken areas, keep afloat and to those of you in snow-ridden areas, keep warm....and to everyone else count your lucky stars.


V x


Shona Vixen said...

'PS: I have a theory that the boy-child is never fully weaned from breastfeeding...err, but that's a story for another day.' - can that day be today please *innocent look*

Gospel Girl said...

Your You r too funny! seka zvako GG. :)
Chica...guess what? I have given you a Blogger's award! Please see my blog for more details...

Myne Whitman said...

Happy new Year Vimbai, how are you?

I like the light hearted approach you took in the post. I think it's a personal choice and who knows what mine would be? Yeah, thank God for breast pumps and lifts eh? :)

KarangaChic said...

Vimbai, omg lolest. This was a funny post. I don't et what people freak out about. actually in Montreal this last week this woman was told to vamoose from a store because she was breast-feeding. I was like a woman feeding her child is offensive but all the peepshoows, xxx, fetish clubs on every street in Montreal are fine? Seriously though it's like a mini Amsterdam and the sight of a somewhat visible breast had them freaking out.

Tee said...

Love the the post...x

Gravity has everything on me so i guess I should breast-feed anyway...:D

Vimbai said...

@Shona: Firestarter!!!!

@GG: Thanks for the award nomination sweets.

@Myne: Amen for breast pumps and "subtle" defying gravity lifts, lol.

@KC: I won't lie though, visible boob makes me a tad bit uncomfortable too. I blame the British for this uncessary prudence in me, hehehe.

But seriously i have this one memory of my aunt breastfeeding openly in a room that contained her brothers and her grown son. I was traumatised... So i'm saying, yes...breastfeed...but have some decorum veduwe (i know i'm gonna be shot down for that last bit).

@Tee: If it's any consolation, gravity is nobody's friend....that's why you do hand=stands everyday (in my heart of hearts, i believe it makes a difference).