Monday, January 24, 2011

A night of "firsts"

Disclaimer: “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” – Cyndi Lauper circa 1980-something. Enough said.

It is an absolute cliché but this past Saturday night I think I may have lost my heart (and a healthy amount of cash) to a limber Adonis of stripper called “S” *sigh*


My girls and I had been planning this outing to one of Jozi’s reputable male stripper establishments for weeks. It turns out that getting a table dance has been inadvertently added to the “adult rites of passage” list (read: we were a small minority of individuals who hadn’t ever been to a strip-club before). Did we know what we were fully getting ourselves into? Absolutely not, but you only live once right?

Once our hysterical giggling had subsided and we had plied ourselves with copious amounts of alcohol we then proceeded to have an awesome, awesome time. Sadly enough pictures were taken to ensure that i will never, ever have a successful political future...should i ever feel that way inclined.

Here are a few things I observed from our raucous night out:

1. Personality: Strippers must be fit, but more importantly they must have some personality and be engaging. There’s nothing worse than a shy stripper or one who hasn’t figured out what his stripper alter-ego is (we had one, shame).

2. Ink, ink, baby: Body art of some sort comes with the turf...and it’s kinda hot...very hot.

3. Too much of a good thing is...: It must be both a blessing and a curse to be a Mandingo. The resident Mandingo was very generously “endowed”, but sadly his equipment did more to scare us ladies, than entice us.

4. Don’t judge a stripper by his colour: On arriving and finding out that all the strippers were Caucasian, I will admit I was a bit disappointed a smidgen. After all, as a resident of The Rainbow Nation I would expect a wider variety of flavours, if you get my drift. By the end of the night, I had become a believer...those fellas knew what they were doing.

5. Don’t touch me on my studio: I thought we wouldn’t be allowed to make any sort of body contact, however the fellas encouraged us to roam our hands over their washboard stomachs, broad shoulders and even a butt cheek, now and again. However, certain *ahem* bits were out of bounds (I thought I should just clarify that). One gorgeous specimen did tell us a hilarious story of how a bouncer had to save him from the yanking habits of an aggressive client, she apparently really liked what she saw O_o

6. Rude Boy: I didn’t realise we would see so much....seriously I didn’t.

7. Hide 'n Seek: According to our mixed-race waiter there is no such thing as a male Indian stripper. Not sure how far true that is?

All in all, it was a real eye-opener of a night. I definitely believe that male strippers have a better deal than their female counterparts. I can’t help but assume a female stripper is in that line of business as some sort of last resort, whilst men definitely seem to have some sort of choice.

I forgot to ask The Boys how they had ended up in this line of business, however, I did find out that one was a part-time graphic designer and that the resident Mandingo had realised his *ahem* talents at the tender age of 10 years old.

I may have to pay a second visit, for purely journalistic purposes to get some more answers to my mounting questions ;-)

Holla in the comments!


In other news:

The second first: On our way back from the club my mate and I got pulled over by the cops. They were on the search for drunken drivers (read: they were trying to make some spare change). Never have I heard a person waffle around the obvious, this female cop spoke in circles...cleverly her intentions where implied rather than forthright, that way she could always deny eliciting a bribe from us.

Back in Zim I have always successfully managed to talk myself not only out of traffic fines but many a bribe. The difference back home is that i usually encounter male cops, who are easier to get around. Sadly, on that early Sunday morning our nemesis was a female member of the South African Police whom left us R100 poorer.


How time flies! Here’s hoping you make the most of the last week of January 2011, chickens!


V x


Deedza said...

Ok I've been to one of these female pleasure joints and my biggest disappointment was that most of the men stuffed their cookies. It was kinda cool at first you know hard bodies and all but the stuffed cookie just didnt do it for me. So were all your strippers naturally endowed or plumped up for performance

to your second first- Just had this conversation a few weeks back, are female cops bribable and how do you go about it. Also can you bribe white cops and really how do you go about it.
Driving to cape this dec got pulled over for speeding.After the niceties the cop was like but ah you know how do I know you wont tell me??In our head we were like who actually goes and tells. Then he agreed to take xmas gift but not the amount of the ticket, he was nice enough to say thats too too much, you give me what you like.
Ah africa I love it

kookie said...

I feel like Im missing out, before my birthday I must experience this also for journalistic purposes.

I wonder what the Indian strip clubs in India would be like? and the same goes for other Asian countries as well ;-)

Bribery...never personally had to deal with the situation but have witnessed others trying to get out of it. It just makes me sad that the police can be bought so easily. smh

Vimbai said...

@Dee: Ours where naturally endowed because...just trust me, they were alright in those stakes, lol.

In my opinion female cops, when dealing with females, aren't bribable...if anything, they're that more determined to get something outta you. Some of them are quite scary looking too.

The male cops have more charm...when bribing you that is (that just sounds wrong).

I think all cops are talks.

@Kookie: Now all i want to do is google "indian strip joints" - there must be quite a few, a niche market out there.

Aussie cops look too legit to quit, who in their right mind would want to bribe them nhai?

Shona Vixen said...

Gurrrrrll!! *in Nene (RHOA voice)*
Lol @ don't touch me on my studio - clearly you were all over the studio..LOL!!
I've been to a Chippendales show and yes they are in town on 29th of March @ New Wimbledon Theatre but hey who's keeping track heh?
Been also to a strip club well twice male and female - all for research purposes of course!!

Funms-the rebirth said...

Girls just wanna have fun!!!!!!!!

and i can see u really did.....never been a male strippers club before, however i've been to a female one. My friend took her bf (now husband( there for his birthday
It was surely an experience

I hope to go to a Male one soon

Shona Vixen said...

And whats with male strippers loving the name 'Mandingo'??*not that I've googled the OG Mandingo'..LOL...

Vimbai said...

@Shona: Honey, i was all up on that studio shamwari, lol.

So you're a fan of The Chippendales, is it...would never have known *innocent smile*

PS Who are you kidding, we KNOW you've googled the OG Mandingo, lol.

@Funms: Eh, your friend was an awesome girlfriend.

How goes your search for Male Stripper clubs in Lagos?

KarangaChic said...

One word, CHIPPENDALES!!! Dear Lord dear Lord thank you for creating men like that lolest!!

Super star! said...

Wow, V, inga. I still feel you are holding out on us. I am really interested what got you excited and perhaps thought of paying for extras......

Vimbai said...

@KC: Ladies and gents, we have a fan, lol. Indeed, bless them all.

@Super: Holding back, not at all. Which part did i miss out? There was lots of skin, grinding and we saw his, that's about it :-)

Tizita said...

ALOL! Only reading this now!

Great account, i could really imagine what it was like. But this docket is opened...may it not come back to haunt you and your friends ;)

"S" wooed you...sure not "R"?

Sekuru VaTawanda said...

And I thought I was the perverted one!

Why were you touching the poor stripper's business? Why oh why?