Friday, August 20, 2010

Confessions of a Clear-Heel kind

It was a regular Thursday night, except, wasn't.

It's one thing to find me home on a Thursday night, firmly wedged in the countless cushions on my couch catching JonasThe News...and quite another to be in a room full of twenty-odd women, getting pole dancing lessons while decked out in all forms of Chinese-imported flouncy accessories. The latter is an outline of how yesterday's evening went.


Disclaimer: I'm talking about pole dancing here, not stripping. Those two things aren't the same, close cousins (twice removed) perhaps, but world's apart. So before some of you get on your high horse, no money was offered for performances (although that would have been nice, i would have liked some spare change), clothes remained on (thank goodness) and LOTS, yes lots, of fun was had by all of sundry (i.e. no animals where harmed during any performances).

Our instructor for the evening was a very young looking blonde chica who was pretty unfazed at having to teach a room full of rather out-going (read: rowdy) ladies pole dancing moves. She came through with the pole, who was eventually named Miguel...and we all got to bond with Miguel.

First up, we were told to choose names. This was met by blinking gazes and then a frenzy of mutterings along the lines of "geez, what kinda name" and "i don't have a name". Funnily, within 5 minutes, everyone had come up with a name...closet alter ego's methinks. Some priceless gems were:

- Pussylicious;
- Golden Sugar;
- Chocolate Thunder;
- The Advocate; and
- (Winner) Never Enough......*dead*

Blondie then took us through some routines, we learnt some tootsie rolls, the flamingo leg lock, a basic swing and some other routine that was nameless but will by "the big finish" going forward. Practice makes perfect, and i am seriously seeing the merits of owning a pole...from a fitness angle of course *coughs*

We learnt all these routines without heels: One really appreciates the finess of those ladies who can execute them in 8 inch clear heels, nogal. It was

We didn't always get it right: Falling, slipping and sliding occured on many occasions, which made for great sources of humour...until it was you on your ass that is. However, we learnt that it's not how you fall, but how you recover that makes all the difference (you'd be surprised how a well placed bum wiggle will fix everything).

We were competitive: For every 3 movements that Blondie taught us in a move, you best recognise, that some of the more out-there ladies threw in an extra 3 movements. I haven't seen as much popping and locking since i last caught a Snoop Dogg music video. Sheer hilarity. I have a sneaking suspicion peeps were downplaying just how much they knew about pole dancing #I'mJustSaying

We got a workout: I made the stupid mistake of wearing high heels to work today. The pain. I'm not walking straight. Parts of me hurt. I'm getting bbm's from other participants about mysterious bruises they're finding on themselves. No wonder strippers look fit...they have to be!

We laughed...HARD: From those who were a tad bit weary, to those who threw themselves into the spirit of things, everybody had themselves a fab time.

Blondie then ended the evening by showing us how it was meant to be done! Gravity was defied many times over and we were more than happy to hand our lesson-money over to her (i lied, some money was indeed exchanged).

Sadly, after having had such a spectacular Thursday night, it's kinda putting undue pressure on tonight's anticsactivities :-)

Holla in the comments your pole dancing experiences or aspirations ;-)

Have a great weekend, chickens!


V x


Shona Vixen said...

aaaah pole dancing!!! *smiles*
Dead @ *Never Enough*..hmmmm lives very little to imagination..LMAO!!
Pole dancing is very good for toning the body and muscles ache and all...
One thing that the lessons confirmed is that even the shy one is a freak. and women ARE VERY COMPETITIVE!!

I have a pole....ay needed to keep up with extra practise at home!! Unfortunately am off the pole until I'm all a-okay then its back to them skills!!

Vimbai - what is your alter-ego's name?

Funms-the rebirth said...

It is on my TO DO list cuz i must own a pole in my bedroom.....planning a ready made answer for the kids when they grow

Glad u had fun.....i am looking forward to trying it

kookie said...

So I'm typing my comment already dejected that Funms somehow managed to stop tweeting about the Power remix to claim first "pole" position

My stripper name comes from my nickname... Cookie Jar. Why mess with a classic? lol

As for pole dancing classes, done it once (gym class nowadays) but you need to be fit for that. Those ladies (strippers ) are actual athletes chick!

My signature move? (note i cant do this move but in my head I execute it with such precision that Candy and Delish at any gentlemans club would be proud) the upside down split whilst sliding down the pole.

Last but not least, if I were to do a routine havin already established my name, its only fair I have a song it's either Prince's Cream or Ginuwine Pony or Mya My Love is like whoa!

Yes I've thought about

ok let me leave before I reveal too much about myself :D

Sarai said...

Well done! Glad to hear you're shaking yo' thang.

Yeah - good, you remember that you have thigh muscles... hoping that the heel wearing reminded you how you're not 15 anymore!If you were, you'd do the splits and keep going...

Anonymous said...

He he he!

BRIONNE said...

The only angle that wasn't captured is the best strip music. Agree that Ginuwine "Pony" is about the best accompaniement for pop and lockin. Wish I were there to shake my booty!!! Glad you had fun.

Myne Whitman said...

Well, I have to confess to being a total novice on this one. Never even seen a pole dance live, lol.

Certainly sounds interesting, but having a pole in the home, hmmm...

Shamilicious said...

I did a pole class yrs ago...word of warning dont do it with coworkers...definitley cause for many awkward moments. good for you buddy!

Vimbai said...

@Shona: You OWN a pole, ehe - you are quite serious mate. And ummm, my alter ego was Kitty Siren (don't ask)M

PS The shy ones are def the ones to look out for, undercover freaks those ones.

@Funms: In the future I can see your kid taking your pole to "show & tell" - yah, please let me know what viable excuses you come with.

@Kooks: Sista, you've clearly put lots of thought into this! That signature move sounds awesome, music is on point, all that's missing (mind the pun) is an outfit of sorts *wink*

@Sarai: Heels are a way of life, those aren't going anywhere anytime soon. But yah, the muscle stiffens was an unwelcome reminder that Age is an unforgiving wench.

@Anon: The giggle of a guilty party :-)

@Brionne:Pony is def a crowd favourite, that Ginuwine doesn't even know the half. I'm quite fond of Christina Milian's "Dip it low". You were missed chica, see ya next time ;-)

@Myne: Ms Lady, please find your nearest pole dancing instructor and sign-up...all under the guise of "research" for your new book.

@Shami: What the heck kind of team building activity was this? Pole dancing! Did the gents participate? Priceless sha...

Karanga Chic said...

LMAO. I signed up for classes and then you post this. I'm scared now but super duper excited actually the most excited person is my boyfriend. Hopefully in four months time I will have a signature move a la Kookie.

Zimgal said...

heehee, I went to a class for a bachelorette party (Vims, maybe you can organize one for this December? wink wink). After the party I went home and created a "playlist" for my future skillz lol. One dirty, dirty song is "Lick" by Joi... look it dirty you will need to take a shower after listening to it... but it's great for things like this...
ps. don't tell our mamas!