Monday, June 07, 2010

The One about The Rooster and His Chicks

It's story time folks and boy do i have a story for you!


Not so long-ago, in a land not-so-far-away, lived a Rooster. Now this Rooster was a big deal and liked people from far and wide to know he was a big deal. He was particularly proud of his Hen wives, they were the best-looking (?) in the land, always being actively pursued by the #1 chicken talent agency in land, "Nandos" (ka ka ka).

Anywho, the Rooster realised after a while that he wasn't providing each wife the same amount of quality time. The more wives he acquired, the less time he had for all of them. Farmer John raised it to the Rooster a few times, and suggested he either cut back on the hen-wives or to bring in a new rooster to assist with the "quality time backlog", but the Rooster wasn't having it. He wanted more wives so that everyone in the land would know he was a big deal.

The older wives weren't so happy with the arrival of newer, fluffy hen wives, but there wasn't much they could do about it. Yes, when joining the coop they had been debriefed about the coop dynamics and potential expansion plans, but they were so overwhelmed and excited by the prospect of being the wife of a Rooster (who's a big deal) they dismissed the fine print.

Now they say idle beaks are the devil's playground and these neglected hen wives grew more and more restless by the day. They all hadn't had "quality time" with The Rooster in a long while and were starting to consider the advances of neighbouring Roosters (who weren't such a big deal, but available).

Upon hearing that some of hen wives where "scratching" around on him, The Rooster grew livid...he called a coop meeting to oust the traitors. The hen wives, knowing they were all guility of losing interest in The Rooster in one way or another grew defensive...the more The Rooster crowed, the more they clucked, until, tired of his self-important crowing, they pecked him to death.

The End.

In some unrelated news, turns out that Jacob Zuma's 2nd wife has been caught out stepping out on Le Presidente with her *cliche alert* bodyguard. Even more interesting is that she's at this time is unknown (but i have my hunches).

Turns Mrs 2nd-Wife-Zuma didn't like the idea of JZ getting himself a 3rd...4th...5th wife. Actually, she was positively livid and caused up a stink that cost her a whole (wait for it) goat. In Zulu culture, to apologise for "bad behaviour" the offending person's family must pay the offended persons family a white goat.

Not sure why Mrs 2nd was all that surprised that JZ was taking on another wife, after all she was his second purchase isn't. Turns out the beef was a bit deeper than that. Being a polygamist is akin to being the chief tightrope walker in a circus.

Everything has to be in balance, all weight...or rather affection, money, attention must be evenly distributed or all hell breaks loose. So if you, for example, took one wife on holiday to an exotic island...then taking the other wife to the local bed 'n breakfast ain't gonna cut it. If anything, you should probably start being wary of food prepared by the bnb-going-wife...i'm just saying!

150 years ago, polygamy was the norm, my paternal grandfather was raised in a polygamous household, until the timely arrival of the Methodist missionaries into the House of Stone. If they landed, then i guess this wouldn't be such a meaty topic as it is today.

There are arguments that polygamy would solve a man's need to go forth and conquer outside the marriage bed. However, having 1 or 8 wives at home won't stop a man from cheating, purlease.

The other thing is children from polygamous households usually never take the same root. Memories of either their or their mothers mistreatment or neglect puts them off the idea of repeating history. I knew a girl who would come to school crying every day whenever her mother was out of town, this was usually when the other wives took out their jealousy or frustration with a targeted wife, by tormenting the absent wife's children.

I know of a businessman who, with 25 plus children running around on this earth, decides which children he'll shower his gifts on based on his relationship with the mother and how good looking the children are (messed up).

I wonder if there are any men or women within our generation who have seriously considered the idea of more than one wife or being an accessory wife?

Then again, when i think of it, having multiple mistresses/masters or friends with benefits who have wife-like benefits and privileges is the new strain of polygamy these days. It never really left...just morphed.

Holla in the comments!


Have a great one chickens...and Roosters :-)


V x


Shona Vixen said...

*DEAD*LOL @ this rooster story and JZ..LOL!!!

Vimbai said...

@Shona Now remember, those two stories aren't related in any way *dirty smirk*

Maoneyi said...

Hey Vim,
Been underground. Working like a slave and hoping that live like a King bit comes right!!
In Shona they say "dindingwe rinonaka richakweva - kana rokwevewawo roti mavara ozarevhu"!!

Teshyah said...

LMAO!!! Funny as anything!
So now MaNtuli is being given high fives for cheating on Zuma. I saw a headline that said "Viva MaNtuli Viva!". Other women (I'm supposing also in a barika) were supporting and prasing her "disgusting" behaviour. They said if he can do it then why shouldn't she. The women that said that, still dont have the guts to do it to their beloved husbands.
Why in the world get into a barika if you can't handle being in a freakin barika?
I'm sure she has a good enough reason to explain what she did...LOL. Maybe she just fell on it.

*side note*(I'm guessing she probably hadn't had some in a lonnnnnnng while. Zuma is 68 after all.And i am sure having 5 wives to tend to isnt quite as easy as he thought it would be at age 20)


Shona Vixen said...

@Maoneyi - Thanks now I'm trying to remember the Matavire song with that

Shamilicious said...

pecked to death...hahahahah!

kookie said...

I think men got lazy in the polygamy stakes...they have no real commitment and follow through to the true values of wiving up a harem of women.:-) It's in the Koran and the bible, take on as many as you like but treat each one as fairly as you can. Now in this day and age 24 hours is not a lot of time for one person, imagine having to split up your 24hrs between 5 wives & your many kids (which if you remove sleeping, eating, working, travel to & from places)is less than 24hrs.

If you can't handle your business don't be surprised if someone swoops in with a solution or an improved working model.

Vimbai said...

@Maoneyi: I hear you there buddy! Do what takes...but check in with us once in a while.

@teshyah: Exactly, she hadn't had some in a loooooooong while for real and then she had this extra fit, youngish bodyguard guy keeping her company everyday, all so cliche it's almost stupid, lol.

@Shona: At least you even identified the tsumo...i am severely tsumo-impaired.

@Shami: It seemed to be a fitting ending to the tail, ka ka ka.

@Kooks: If your calculations are correct, the average polygamist should think of only taking up (mental calculation) 0.65 of a wife, given how much time he has to dedicate to such matters :-)

For every man who can't handle his business, there's a Joe Thomas wanna-be hoping to "help" him out, heheehe.

Myne Whitman said...

That rooster story was hilarious, and that ending...polygamists beware! LOL.

JZ and his wives, smh.

I am an advocate of polygamy as far as it works for those involved. Less a fan of the cloak and dagger mistress, FWB, etc roiling these days.

Vimbai said...

@Myne: "cloak and dagger mistresses" oooooh, I love that description! Ladies and gents, that's why Myne Whitman here won Nigerian Blog of The Year 2010! Congrats again hun.

Back to the polygamy story, for real...if it works for you, go for it...then write us a book about why it work's for you, 'cause I would be super interested to hear from the perspective of a young, educated, independent woman who choses this arrangement.