Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Prelude to a Dream

So over at the AfriQan Times site, i've published a new blog post entitled "Prelude to a Dream", drop by and leave me a comment s'il vous plait.

==============<() Toot Here

Now I know I'm not alone here by thinking this whole World Cup affair is not only truly awesome but the most mind boggling event ever! So much is going on, nothing is going as planned...it's ridiculously exciting.

So i've got some questions to ask, so humour me and let me know what you think in the comments:

1. Which team do you believe has played the most consistently thus far?

2. Which team or teams are you supporting?

3. Which team DON'T you want to see going through to the second round?

4. What team, so far, has the most stylish home/away kit?

5. (Ladies, this one's for you) Which World Cup player is currently your "Hottie of the World Cup"?

6. During what game and by which player has your favourite goal of this World Cup been executed by?

7. Which team's performance has disappointed you the most?

8. If you could re-watch a game thus far, which one would it be?

9. Are you a fan of the Vuvuzela?

10. Do you want more football or are you officially done with the woo-hah that is this FIFA World Cup?

You don't have to answer all the questions, just the ones that leap out at you!


Chickens, it's a truly Beautiful Game and i'm with you every step of the way!

PS GO BAFANA BAFANA...today's your day to make history!


V x

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Philip Eats Here (Feel It, It's here)

Ola Chickens,

Rumour has it there's a FIFA World Cup happening on african soil, eh, that's news to me...

LOL, I'd bhave to reading under an extremely soundproof and media-proof rock not to realise that the greatest sporting event of 2010 was happening on my doorstep!

So no, I haven't neglected to mention it on my here blog, where you will find my World Cup ramblings is over at my Afriquan Times blog (link: http://www.afriqantimes.com/Public/Template8/ThreadView.aspx?tid=35641).

My usual non-WC blog posts will continue here, but please hit a drive by at my AQ blog and drop a comment for your girl (read: help make me look good).

In the meantime, let my return to catching up on my zzzzzz's...you wouldn't believe how demanding and continuous this footie fever is! Philip definitely Eats Here, lol!


V x

Monday, June 07, 2010

The One about The Rooster and His Chicks

It's story time folks and boy do i have a story for you!


Not so long-ago, in a land not-so-far-away, lived a Rooster. Now this Rooster was a big deal and liked people from far and wide to know he was a big deal. He was particularly proud of his Hen wives, they were the best-looking (?) in the land, always being actively pursued by the #1 chicken talent agency in land, "Nandos" (ka ka ka).

Anywho, the Rooster realised after a while that he wasn't providing each wife the same amount of quality time. The more wives he acquired, the less time he had for all of them. Farmer John raised it to the Rooster a few times, and suggested he either cut back on the hen-wives or to bring in a new rooster to assist with the "quality time backlog", but the Rooster wasn't having it. He wanted more wives so that everyone in the land would know he was a big deal.

The older wives weren't so happy with the arrival of newer, fluffy hen wives, but there wasn't much they could do about it. Yes, when joining the coop they had been debriefed about the coop dynamics and potential expansion plans, but they were so overwhelmed and excited by the prospect of being the wife of a Rooster (who's a big deal) they dismissed the fine print.

Now they say idle beaks are the devil's playground and these neglected hen wives grew more and more restless by the day. They all hadn't had "quality time" with The Rooster in a long while and were starting to consider the advances of neighbouring Roosters (who weren't such a big deal, but available).

Upon hearing that some of hen wives where "scratching" around on him, The Rooster grew livid...he called a coop meeting to oust the traitors. The hen wives, knowing they were all guility of losing interest in The Rooster in one way or another grew defensive...the more The Rooster crowed, the more they clucked, until, tired of his self-important crowing, they pecked him to death.

The End.

In some unrelated news, turns out that Jacob Zuma's 2nd wife has been caught out stepping out on Le Presidente with her *cliche alert* bodyguard. Even more interesting is that she's pregnant...baby-father at this time is unknown (but i have my hunches).

Turns Mrs 2nd-Wife-Zuma didn't like the idea of JZ getting himself a 3rd...4th...5th wife. Actually, she was positively livid and caused up a stink that cost her a whole (wait for it) goat. In Zulu culture, to apologise for "bad behaviour" the offending person's family must pay the offended persons family a white goat.

Not sure why Mrs 2nd was all that surprised that JZ was taking on another wife, after all she was his second purchase isn't. Turns out the beef was a bit deeper than that. Being a polygamist is akin to being the chief tightrope walker in a circus.

Everything has to be in balance, all weight...or rather affection, money, attention must be evenly distributed or all hell breaks loose. So if you, for example, took one wife on holiday to an exotic island...then taking the other wife to the local bed 'n breakfast ain't gonna cut it. If anything, you should probably start being wary of food prepared by the bnb-going-wife...i'm just saying!

150 years ago, polygamy was the norm, my paternal grandfather was raised in a polygamous household, until the timely arrival of the Methodist missionaries into the House of Stone. If they landed, then i guess this wouldn't be such a meaty topic as it is today.

There are arguments that polygamy would solve a man's need to go forth and conquer outside the marriage bed. However, having 1 or 8 wives at home won't stop a man from cheating, purlease.

The other thing is children from polygamous households usually never take the same root. Memories of either their or their mothers mistreatment or neglect puts them off the idea of repeating history. I knew a girl who would come to school crying every day whenever her mother was out of town, this was usually when the other wives took out their jealousy or frustration with a targeted wife, by tormenting the absent wife's children.

I know of a businessman who, with 25 plus children running around on this earth, decides which children he'll shower his gifts on based on his relationship with the mother and how good looking the children are (messed up).

I wonder if there are any men or women within our generation who have seriously considered the idea of more than one wife or being an accessory wife?

Then again, when i think of it, having multiple mistresses/masters or friends with benefits who have wife-like benefits and privileges is the new strain of polygamy these days. It never really left...just morphed.

Holla in the comments!


Have a great one chickens...and Roosters :-)


V x

Thursday, June 03, 2010

A "Jane Austen" Moment

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that...

African parents fly into a mad panic when their female offspring start approaching a certain age and the topic of marriage hasn’t been broached. True to form, my parents are in no way different and given their recent antics, are willing to break traditional parenting rules to get their point across...loud and clear.

Picture the scene: It’s a calm Sunday night, I’m winding down and prepping for the impending work day ahead of me when my Blackberry pings, signalling the arrival of an email. Thinking it’s one of my diasporan girls hollering, i nonchalantly reach for it, while simultaneously attempting The Sunday Times crossword (i only managed to get 5 words, hmmmph).

A glance at the email confirmed the impossible, that hell had well and truly frozen over.

Reflecting back at me was an email from my darling father...that wasn’t the shocking part...the distressing bit was the email subject title, and i quote, “Why are Black Women scaring off their Men?”


Now I’m not somebody accustomed to having nothing to say (many can vouch for this fact), but yah, gobsmacked doesn’t even begin to describe it.

After being dumbstruck for a marathon time of 5 minutes, my temper set in. I wasn’t so much seething as i was MAD...hopping mad. Please note, i hadn’t actually got round to reading the email yet, i just wasn’t happy about what the subject title implied...that if i was a black woman of a certain age and single, i was obviously actively going out of my way to scare the fellas off *smh*

A “sisterhood tribune” was necessary: Sister #1 was called, she found the whole thing hilarious and my father’s concern endearing, “He’s just concerned Vimbi, the man is feeling his mortality.” She was to “zen” for my liking so I bid her a hasty adieu. Now given global time zones, i knew it would be cruel to holla at Sister #2 and reasoned that I should probably sleep on it. Note, i still hadn’t got round to reading the email.

6:10am Monday morning, Sister #2 rings (clearly she’s not so concerned about disrupting my REM cycle, hmmph) and informs me that under no circumstances am I allowed to respond to The Email. You see, I’m not exactly the family diplomat, I’m prone to dramatic language not to mention, I’ve been told my voice levels climb an octave or two when distressed. Sister #2 calmly explains my father’s motivation in sending such an email and that she agrees with some points raised, she too sounds very zen-like (yes, that gene clearly skipped me). That’s when I stubbornly conclude that I should probably read The Email.

Ten minutes later, I’m less scandalised but not completely mollified. I still don’t understand what made papa dearest send The Email. You see, although we were raised on healthy doses of the The Cosby Show and my dad reminds me of the character Cliff Huxatable, do not be mistaken, my father is 100% African. This means, when it came to raising us girls, it was implicitly communicated that he did not want to hear any romantic mention of the male specimen unless it involved marriage, otherwise he was indifferent. So all boys who came a-visiting when growing up where dutifully introduced as “friends” and rushed out of the house asap.

Clearly the policy has changed, papa dearest now wants to school us on the wants and needs of the African man and give my sisters and I a heads up...this has reduced me to giggling hysterically.

A phone call to my mother, confirmed all suspicions. Yes, they were concerned, or as my mother eloquently put it, “Where are my grandchildren?!” Followed by a thinly veiled threat, “We are looking into arranged marriages.” That got me worried; my mother has always been a poor judge of character when it comes picking out potential suitors for my sisters and me. She inadvertently picks the one who sucks up to her the most, the one who’s just a tad bit too smooth and general randoms.

Nope, this woman cannot be trusted, neither can her accomplice husband. A week before I moved to Jozi, my father craftily put an ex-boyfriend’s of mine’s father on the line, so that my ex’s father could explain in length that my ex and I would be living in the same city again and it was in everyone’s best interest that we “link up” *insert subliminal nudging and eyebrow waggling*

This situation is getting too Jane Austen for my liking...next the parental will be talking about the yearly income of so-and-so, the prospects of every bachelor within a 100km radius and what a great family so-and-so comes from.

I think it’s wise to give HIM the head’s up that gentlemen visitors may start to come a-calling and it’s none of my doing *smh*

Holla in the comments chickens :-)

Random Soundbytes

SATC: I won’t give away any spoilers, there’s so little to this movie that one line could give away the plot, ka ka ka. Okay, I’m being cruel, but I am the only person who feels a little sad for these mama’s running around Manhattan like they’re youngsters? Half the characters show some progression in life, the other half, eish...see for yourself what I mean.

But where they never go wrong is the clothes and the shoes! Surprisingly, the belle of this sequel ball is Miranda. Carrie’s looks are too overboard at times, Samantha’s over exposed, Charlotte’s doing her stepford wife thing, nothing new there.

The Warriors: Didn’t catch the Zim vs Brazil game, but the tweeting commentary on Twitter was so real-time, i felt like I was at the National Sports Stadium! So we didn’t school the Samba Kings quite how we would have wanted to, but it was a great game and my country people had a lekker time. Wish I could have been there *sigh*

Thank Me When? So Drake’s album only drops in stores in 12 days time, i.e. a lifetime away, so i may have coerced very good friends in emailing me a few tracks. Now ordinarily i would feel bad, but Drake himself said, and i quote, “I gave away free music for years so we’re good over here...just allow it to be the soundtrack to your summer and ENJOY! June 15th!” And my current soundtrack it is, i will still buy the album when it drops, nothing like poring over album sleeves :-)

PS I’m super obsessed with his track, “November 18th” off his ‘So Far Gone’ mixtape, “Closer” from his ‘Comeback Season’ mixtape and “Karaoke” & “Un-thinkable” from his ‘Thank Me Later’ album...yes, i’m crushing hard on Aubrey.

Afriqan Times: World Cup teams have descended upon the city of Gold and this city will never be the same again! For the next month and a bit I will be reporting on all the WC excitement and activities on the ground over at my Afriqan Times blog. I’ll post links to that blog, over here so you don’t miss out on the going’s on.

Like here, I’m hoping you’ll overcome your shyness and drop a comment here and there (read: help make me look good people, lol).

Pay me a at The Afriqan Times here.

Shout out to my girl Kookie for hooking me up with the gig! Check out her blog here.


Keep smiling chickens, catch you back here real soon!


V x