Sunday, May 23, 2010

The Ever-Shrinking Pool of Romantic Talent (ESPORT)



This past week on Twitter i was highly amused by some of the tweets i saw my tweeps exchanging, related to when it's deemed appropriate or inappropriate to pursue a fellow friend's ex. Advice like; "never", "only if you've asked permission from the friend in question" and scientific formulas (not if said ex = relationship lasted more than 6 months within in the last 5 years), where volunteered.

Clearly there's no "easy" solution to this predicament, however, it's not a predicament that's going away anytime soon.

I don't care what country, city or town you currently reside it or the ratio of men to women in these regions, the bottom-line is that demographic locations have are suffering from the worldly chronic problem of ESPORT (Ever-Shrinking Pool of Romantic Talent).

I've been known to refer to Harare as "Sodom & Harare" given the alarmingly increasing rate of ex recyling going on there (some people, who will remain nameless, seem to be the very common denominator in most of these *ahem* transactions). However, having lived in Joburg for two years now, ESPORT is deeply manifested here too.

After you stay in a place everything shrinks; social circles shrink, dating options shrink, hanging spots shrink...i could go on. There's no easy solution to addressing ESPORT, albeit changing geographic locations every couple of years, and this business of "you can't hook up with my ex" doesn't really solve the problem either.

In an ideal world, we'd all be eager to bless the unions of our former flames with our current friends. After all, just because me and my ex weren't a compatible twosome doesn't mean i should stand in the way of my ex and my friend in discovering their romantic compatibility...right?

In the real world, we may be an evolved species but there are very primal territorial traits that all but yell, "Back off if you know what's good for you. I've pee'd (metaphorically speaking, unless you're R Kelly) there. That's MINE."

So what's my proposed solution, aside from suggesting relocation to newer hunting plains? None really. When it come's to matter's of the heart, nothing's ever straight forward innit...

Holla in the comments your thoughts and experiences!

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Flags in the City: South Africa has officially gone flag crazy! Streets, cars, people are brightly adorned in flags of the participating nations in the FIFA 2010 World Cup. Yesterday, i paid a visit to the local hair salon and was taken aback by the pretty lady sporting hair extensions in all the colours of the South African flag. If that's not national pride, heck, i don't know what is.

About 3 weeks ago, the only flags you would spot on cars would be the South African one, the only football jersey's you'd see people decked out in would be Bafana Bafana's. Now, in the last few days i've noticed a dramatic turnaround; on Football Fridays people are now wearing the football jersey of the team they're actually supporting and, diplomatically, most cars have two flags...the South African one and the "other" team's flag.

After watching the Champions League final last night, it reignited the anticipation and excitement of the impending World Cup celebrations and activities. It also injected just a teensy bit of dread, HE wouldn't let me change the channel last night...i could got a sneak preview of how remote-control handelling is going to pan-out till July 11th 2010, boo!

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Have a great week chickens, remember all we have is RIGHT NOW!

Love,

V x
PS I'm messing around with blog templates, yup, it's that time of the year again :-)

14 comments:

kookie said...

*picks herself up from the floor* I have laughed, laughed some more and just when I though I could laugh no more...I laughed a little bit more.

I have been WAITING for this post, however since my plan is to RT it (asking permission first of course) I can't say anything that I want to say on the grounds it may incriminate me.

Having said that,SOD IT! I don't get the need to mark ex's as yours.I understand a week or a month after is pushing it. As kids we were taught by our parents that when we are DONE playing with a toy, we put it back in the toy box til someone else needs it. Yet grown people act like kids when they see the toy being taken out and admired, then they want to come back, hand out saying "put that back, its mine". REALLY?

Some people I give up freely anyway...free me Lord!

It's either you are not over that person or you never really learned how to share. In which case find a whole new country, social circle etc

Vimbai said...

@Kooks: RT to your hearts content sistrene, lol.

I like your toy analogy, its exactly like that. Thing is, i don't understand people who are married with children getting all territorial over a former flame...didn't they give up rights long ago, like seriously!

Then yes, there are those that we are more than happy to perch back on the shelf. Heck ANYONE can have them exes, good luck to ya.

African men love keeping the "door ajar", always wanting to make sure they have options open should the need arise, they've got it down to an artform!

Shona Vixen said...

Well like you I think RELOCATION is the answer!!
Somehow its unwritten code with my girls...one's ex somehow becomes everyone's ex...don't know if that makes sense..but we just don't do recycling.
But hey some don't see this as a problem...this is a to each their own kinda thing!

Vimbai said...

@Shona: i am very familiar with the unwritten code...thing is, i've seen this code abused in its own way. People try and find loopholes, eg if friendships wane or die, then previous exes all of a sudden become free game.

This territorial thing may be a culture thing because growing up, amongst the twaai peeps, i used to see them all dating eachother's exes...one guy actually managed to date every member of a group of friends over a 5yr period.

Shona Vixen said...

@Vimbai - yeah I agree some and note some twaai peeps don't see it as a problem.
See once folks try to find loophole herein lies the problem..but I guess its how close is the friend?Is it your homie for over 5years or just some-one you've known call friend but really NOT your friend?..then guess thats when the fair game becomes applicable.
With me I start visualising ish in my head ie I don't want to be getting to do the dos with someone who's done my friends(longtime homies)HELL NAW!!..LOL!!

Deedza said...

Thanks for coining the term ESPORT, we needed someone to shout it out from the top of the mountain, romance is in a dire situation.And i believe the only way to increase your probability of finding that elusive on is to switch up continents- thats why im moving:)
And the business of case of the ex who was your best friends first love its tricky and if you can avoid please do. Here is my analogy its ok if all you did was kiss the ex,it was in high school which mean it wasnt a real r/ship and it doent count. it gets very tricky when you slept with them thats where it becomes territorial....but who am i kidding who is not shagging away these days???But be grown up as much as possible as you can be about it, the person is an ex for a reason it didnt work

Jaycee said...

"When it come's to matter's of the heart, nothing's ever straight forward innit..." I completely agree.

There are sooooo many different situations and one suit will not fit all. #Thatisall.

My proposed solution would be to investigate a past relationship (if possible) and find out why a break-up happened. Some folks are against doing that in the name of "leaving the past in the past," but the past shapes who we will be in the future. But let me not digree...:)

My Bestfriend's Little Sister(MBLS) said...

Love the new backdrop! I am so jealous whilst you're enjoying world cup fever some of us are stuck in exams!

Vimbai said...

@Deedza: Truthfully, ESPORT sounds so gwash and clinical, i can see people using it in academic lectures, lol.

If you share exes then doing mental comparisons is inevitable and just wrong in some areas man. NOpe, recycling must be avoided at all costs!

Can't wait till you move back to these parts, yay!

@Jaycee: Honey are you a chemist by profession, 'cause i like you well thought out plan...to investigate the grounds for dismissal between friend and her-ex-now-your-love interest. But thats only if its worth the hassle :-)

@MBLS: THank you for putting me onto the site for the backgrounds, this current one may be a keeper...for the next few months anwyay :-)

Awww, that's too bad, but i pray your exams go well and you get to watch at least a game or two!

blogoratti said...

Oooh the World Cup... and you are right in the middle of the excitement!!

Hadassah said...

I totally agree with Mista Jaycee exploring ad asking about the past will not only shape his future but the future of your relationship with the guy.

Tendayi said...

are you saying theres 'shrinkage' everywhere. OH NO!!! hehe. ok ESPORT happens everywhere and after the drama selassie i have endured trying to keep an ex mine..i say to my friends now go for it! Maybe just maybe you can make better sense of him. These common denominators..do they really have that much game or is it like the kid who stays in 3rd grade too long and everybody eventually dates him? (like P Diddy).

Ka-danger said...

Howdy Hi
Lol had a laugh at this, mostly coz its true, the social circles are shrinking at an increasing desperate rate, I'm about to pull my hair out from it, or like Deedza move continents, I don't quite like the idea of having someones seconds especially if they are my good friend's seconds...unless ofcourse there is a massive attraction outta nowhere, but judging in my current circle there is NONE, so have to make a big move and switch it up to a new place...maybe there, will be some 'fresh meat" . lol

As for World Cup... I'm banging my head on the wall every day wishing I was there, I mean you can feel the excitement in people through of all thing facebook, let alone in real life...grrrrrr. Lucky lucky lucky... have funnnnnnnn :-)

Vimbai said...

@blogoratti: In the thick of things honey, just the way i like it (no double entendres intended)

@Hadassah: Hopefully, the gentleman in question is a willing candidate to the "hashing the past" talk, else it's a danger!

@Tendayi: In a perfect world we'd get to keep some exes like collectors items...sadly this is not a perfect world.

Bwahahaha, the common denominator is like the slow kid who's been held back and all he's mastered is long division...lol.

@Ka-danger: Jump onto Twitter if you want to experience the full force of WC appreciation going on!

As for ESPORT, shamwari, you are long overdue a relocation...Jozi is calling!