Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Namesakes

With increasing frequency I’ve been receiving emails, facebook messages and friend requests that are clearly not meant for me. The senders in question send off correspondence with such confidence that sometimes I’m almost fooled into thinking I’m the intended recipient….but I am not.

This is what I get for having a generic email address that very susceptible to misunderstandings. I get on average 15 emails a month meant for countless Vimbai’s out there in the world, subject topics ranging from the amusing to the over familiar.

There’s also the minor hitch of sharing the same first name and surname of at least four other women currently wandering this earth. So many FB requests and messages come through from excited classmates, relatives, exes and colleagues of these Vimbai’s. I don’t get it, it’s not like I vaguely resemble any of them (yes, I’ve sussed them out).

Detailed below are outlines of my favourite “mistaken identity” correspondences meant for my various namesakes:

Vimbai the Mediator

This email had a gazillion family members CC’d. It looked like one of those newsletters meant to unite loved ones across the seas and keep them up to-date with family activities. The first paragraph of this email was dedicate to darling Vimbai who looked like she had been tasked with making right some family feud involving money lent by some now-disgruntled diasporan relative who was threatening some familial comeuppance of sorts.

I replied, to the sender only, to inform them that I wasn’t their target audience. Knowing the drama money issues can cause amongst blood relations, I could help but hope they get this drama resolved.

Vimbai the Witness

Eh, now this sender was on a mission. I received a FB friend request from a rather forward young lady informing me that since she had birthed so-and-so’s child, that we were now “family” come rain or shine.

Now interestingly enough, I recognised the name of so-and-so and realised that this young lady was reaching out to my namesake from a bloodline completely unrelated to mine. Fate would have it that one of my close friends is related to this particular namesake and branch of people carrying the same surname as I. I informed her of her cousin-in-law-of-sort’s desire to be recognised and the FB request, she proceeded to inform me that drama was going down with this baby mama and I was just one of many people who’d been contacted via FB.

I didn’t respond to the sender….i figured life for her was complicated enough without my tuning her she’d got the wrong person and maybe it wasn’t the best way around things to bombard prospective family members with FB messages *kanye shrug*

Vimbai the Planner

This Vimbai is based in Pretoria and running some sort of events management company or a bride-to-be arranging her wedding ‘cause all I ever get is catering quotes and tent hire quotes. She was, and probably is, a very busy lady.

Shout-out to all the ladies doing their own thing and being their own bosses!

Vimbai the Lover

By far my favourite “mistaken” correspondence is from a gentleman whose identity will remain anonymous, but for whom I feel for Smh*. In his email he’s literally begging for forgiveness from his lover Vimbai for various relationship misdemeanours. To the Zimbabwean readers, I’ve included excerpts of the email for your reading pleasure (I would translate it, but it wouldn’t be half as funny):

"Shars why saying things lyk that i din not say unonyadzisa kufamba newe.mudiwa wangu why uchhingofunga zvisina basa nyaya yemakore takataurirana tikanzwisisana inga wani shars...Inini ndini ndingatokunyadzisa bcoz I dnt dress to your standards as wat you said kuti im Junky. Anywa see you mutown darling idnt have option.MOYO WANGU WAKATORWA NEWE BABIE."

Now I got this email last Friday but only took a look at it yesterday, meaning that this gentleman may have wondering why his lady love wasn’t responding to him over the weekend. Eh, I informed him that he had got the wrong lady and wished him luck in all future romantic endeavours, lol.

Holla in the comments any mistaken identity drama you’ve been involved in.


The Cackle: Sunday morning I was woken up in the early hours by my laughing. I’ve heard of crying yourself awake, screaming yourself awake but laughing oneself awake isn’t as common as I would have hoped.

It wasn’t my first time either; I am repeat cackle-in-the-morning offender. The saddest part is that I don’t remember what was so laughicious in my dream, to begin with. A second after waking up i had it, and then *poof* it was gone like a fart in the wind.

Anyone else ever have this problem, or am I once again alone on this one, lol.

Ashiness no Vaseline can fix: So now Volcanoes and their ash have decided to make an appearance in 2010, not to be outdone by earthquakes and hurricanes.

Thing is, I can’t help but think that there is someone out there hoping to use The Ash debacle to their favour with excuses like, “I couldn’t make it work Boss, The Ash got out of control (mind you, this worker-bee resides in the southern hemisphere) or “Girl, I know I said I would call…but you this Ash situation, its just got me all confused, you know.”
The Dirty 30’s: Zimbabwe (aka Lady Z) turned the big 3-0 on Sunday with no real pomp or ceremony, probably ‘cause if we’re honest here, “independence” is a bit of a far-fetched concept not exactly applicable to this pretty lady, right now.

Lady Z experienced some rather tempestuous 20’s, during such time she found herself, lost herself, made new “friends” noone else was impressed with, lost old “friends” who turned out to be “friends” with ulterior motives. She has alienated herself and in doing so, pushed those who love her away.

She’s been rudely mocked and made the butt of countless jokes but those who love her, from near or far, defend her with all their might. Who are they to act like they know who she is, they have not known her for as long as we have, and they do not understand her background like those of us who have grown up with her. All they see is the dark times and dismiss the many years of light and laughter she has brought to us….so many good memories, which make the more recent dark ones that much easier to cope with.

Do not underestimate my Lady. Not all has been lost.

To those who have written her off, fellow natives and on-lookers alike, watch this space…the best is yet to come.
May peace prevail in your thoughts, on your lips and in your hearts chickens!


V x


Anonymous said...

Vimbai the Lover killed me sharz!

Shona Vixen said...

I'm stilling laughing @ Vimbai the lover!! Lmho @ 'I'm junky' haa dude is very much patight!

Mistaken Identity - I once had a guy claim he knew me, he'd met me @ a wedding in Chicago, I was with my two sisters...as much as I said it wasn't me and that I don't have sisters he wouldn't believe me..so there's some-one out there who looks me I suppose.

Lady Z - you're right the best is yet to come from her!

Teshyah said...

HAhhahahahahahahaha!!! Case of mistaken identity, the lover one killed me!


Jaycee said...

LOL @ Vimbai the Witness & Vimbai the Lover.

So his lover adviced him that she doesn't like the way he dressed? Lol. He must have felt even more ashamed sending it to the wrong person.

Sarai said...

Oh...my... gosh... I think I'm choking from laughing too hard!! Hilarious.

Chuckling yourself awake is a very healthy sign. Means you have sh*t to laugh about - take it in your stride and wake the damn neighbours.

As for Lady Z - preach the word, sis, because I'm right beside ya!

Vimbai said...

@MBLS: I know shars :-)

@Shona: Hau, why are you lying to the dude. Just tune him it was you, we know it was you, hehehehe. Or maybe that was the dude's best pick up line at the time, lol.

Teshyah: Glad that you are tickled pink, here's hoping him and V made up and addressed his dresscode problems!

@Jaycee: V the Lover certainly has no tact, how do you tell someone that their clothes are "junk." I guess she was retaliating from a bruised ego at the thought of him being embarrassed to be seen walking with him, hahahaha.

@Sarai: Lol, stop choking!

See, if i actually had something to chuckle about then i would understand. But it actually happened at the end of a bad week...hysterical chuckling perhaps?

tjidzani said...

V, love love love your thoughts - absolutely love visiting you on here!

Hadassah said...

Sha how can that happen send an email to the wrong mail addy/person.

Vimbai said...

@Tjidzani: I'm glad i'm entertaining chica!

@Hadassah: I'm not sure how it happens, seriously, i also despair of the ignorance.

PS Glad to see you back on blogville!

rudo said...

haha omgsh! not sure how i stumbled on here but i've been scrolling around the blog for an hour or so now. you are too funny!
definately saving this vlog to my favourites :)