Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Namesakes

With increasing frequency I’ve been receiving emails, facebook messages and friend requests that are clearly not meant for me. The senders in question send off correspondence with such confidence that sometimes I’m almost fooled into thinking I’m the intended recipient….but I am not.

This is what I get for having a generic email address that very susceptible to misunderstandings. I get on average 15 emails a month meant for countless Vimbai’s out there in the world, subject topics ranging from the amusing to the over familiar.

There’s also the minor hitch of sharing the same first name and surname of at least four other women currently wandering this earth. So many FB requests and messages come through from excited classmates, relatives, exes and colleagues of these Vimbai’s. I don’t get it, it’s not like I vaguely resemble any of them (yes, I’ve sussed them out).

Detailed below are outlines of my favourite “mistaken identity” correspondences meant for my various namesakes:

Vimbai the Mediator

This email had a gazillion family members CC’d. It looked like one of those newsletters meant to unite loved ones across the seas and keep them up to-date with family activities. The first paragraph of this email was dedicate to darling Vimbai who looked like she had been tasked with making right some family feud involving money lent by some now-disgruntled diasporan relative who was threatening some familial comeuppance of sorts.

I replied, to the sender only, to inform them that I wasn’t their target audience. Knowing the drama money issues can cause amongst blood relations, I could help but hope they get this drama resolved.

Vimbai the Witness

Eh, now this sender was on a mission. I received a FB friend request from a rather forward young lady informing me that since she had birthed so-and-so’s child, that we were now “family” come rain or shine.

Now interestingly enough, I recognised the name of so-and-so and realised that this young lady was reaching out to my namesake from a bloodline completely unrelated to mine. Fate would have it that one of my close friends is related to this particular namesake and branch of people carrying the same surname as I. I informed her of her cousin-in-law-of-sort’s desire to be recognised and the FB request, she proceeded to inform me that drama was going down with this baby mama and I was just one of many people who’d been contacted via FB.

I didn’t respond to the sender….i figured life for her was complicated enough without my tuning her she’d got the wrong person and maybe it wasn’t the best way around things to bombard prospective family members with FB messages *kanye shrug*

Vimbai the Planner

This Vimbai is based in Pretoria and running some sort of events management company or a bride-to-be arranging her wedding ‘cause all I ever get is catering quotes and tent hire quotes. She was, and probably is, a very busy lady.

Shout-out to all the ladies doing their own thing and being their own bosses!

Vimbai the Lover

By far my favourite “mistaken” correspondence is from a gentleman whose identity will remain anonymous, but for whom I feel for Smh*. In his email he’s literally begging for forgiveness from his lover Vimbai for various relationship misdemeanours. To the Zimbabwean readers, I’ve included excerpts of the email for your reading pleasure (I would translate it, but it wouldn’t be half as funny):

"Shars why saying things lyk that i din not say unonyadzisa kufamba newe.mudiwa wangu why uchhingofunga zvisina basa nyaya yemakore takataurirana tikanzwisisana inga wani shars...Inini ndini ndingatokunyadzisa bcoz I dnt dress to your standards as wat you said kuti im Junky. Anywa see you mutown darling idnt have option.MOYO WANGU WAKATORWA NEWE BABIE."

Now I got this email last Friday but only took a look at it yesterday, meaning that this gentleman may have wondering why his lady love wasn’t responding to him over the weekend. Eh, I informed him that he had got the wrong lady and wished him luck in all future romantic endeavours, lol.

Holla in the comments any mistaken identity drama you’ve been involved in.


The Cackle: Sunday morning I was woken up in the early hours by my laughing. I’ve heard of crying yourself awake, screaming yourself awake but laughing oneself awake isn’t as common as I would have hoped.

It wasn’t my first time either; I am repeat cackle-in-the-morning offender. The saddest part is that I don’t remember what was so laughicious in my dream, to begin with. A second after waking up i had it, and then *poof* it was gone like a fart in the wind.

Anyone else ever have this problem, or am I once again alone on this one, lol.

Ashiness no Vaseline can fix: So now Volcanoes and their ash have decided to make an appearance in 2010, not to be outdone by earthquakes and hurricanes.

Thing is, I can’t help but think that there is someone out there hoping to use The Ash debacle to their favour with excuses like, “I couldn’t make it work Boss, The Ash got out of control (mind you, this worker-bee resides in the southern hemisphere) or “Girl, I know I said I would call…but you this Ash situation, its just got me all confused, you know.”
The Dirty 30’s: Zimbabwe (aka Lady Z) turned the big 3-0 on Sunday with no real pomp or ceremony, probably ‘cause if we’re honest here, “independence” is a bit of a far-fetched concept not exactly applicable to this pretty lady, right now.

Lady Z experienced some rather tempestuous 20’s, during such time she found herself, lost herself, made new “friends” noone else was impressed with, lost old “friends” who turned out to be “friends” with ulterior motives. She has alienated herself and in doing so, pushed those who love her away.

She’s been rudely mocked and made the butt of countless jokes but those who love her, from near or far, defend her with all their might. Who are they to act like they know who she is, they have not known her for as long as we have, and they do not understand her background like those of us who have grown up with her. All they see is the dark times and dismiss the many years of light and laughter she has brought to us….so many good memories, which make the more recent dark ones that much easier to cope with.

Do not underestimate my Lady. Not all has been lost.

To those who have written her off, fellow natives and on-lookers alike, watch this space…the best is yet to come.
May peace prevail in your thoughts, on your lips and in your hearts chickens!


V x

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

It's not Me, it's You...or maybe it's Me, or You, or Me again

The longer we live on this earth, the more dysfunctional we become and the more dysfunctional our relationships become. In this day and age of email-this, bookface-that, cellphone-this and skype-that, we 21st century dwellers are spending an inordinate amount of time building, maintaining or ending relationships.

My mother used to shove John Donne's quote, "Man is not an island" down my throat when i was growing up. It was usually raised when she was talking about how aunt so-and-so where coming to visit and how i would be bed-less for two weeks and i would pipe up with some gem like, "don't they have someone else to visit besides us,." which would be swiftly followed by some part of my anatomy being slapped for such insolence (this happened often as i was a cheeky child, lol).

She would then go on and on about how important family (read: general loved ones) are and how we must remember that we don't live in a bubble and that the human condition is built on relationships blah blah blah.

I fear that my mother saw something in me, the very something she probably spent half my childhood trying to beat out of me, hehehe.

She saw the Relationship Fatalist in me. The "i'm done", "i really can't be bothered" or the (cue Brad Pitt's character Tristan from "Legends of the Fall" voice) "Once more, say it once more and you are no longer my brother/sister/teacher/boyfriend/friend/ice-cream vendor"....you get the idea right...

To Love, is to Trust, to Trust is to open yourself to some of life's most time-wasting human relationship dynamics. I have contributed to my fair share to these dynamics...oh how i have contributed *smh* and then there are times i have been on the receiving end of some mind-boggling and just plain cruel tom-foolery.

Now life can become an pretty lonely place if you keep axing people left, right and centre. Now don't get me wrong, some fish definitely need to be returned to the sea...for good, if you get my drift. However, most of the time, a big chunk of time in fact, that which has been misconstrued, broken, abused and taken for granted can be fixed. Should be fixed.

This is definitely one of the better after-effects of getting older; being able to stare down the elephant in one's big fat ego :-)



Shake, rattle and roll: This earthquake every week few days business is gone from worrying to ?!?!?. This is not normal. This cannot be normal. Yet, nobody has a real answer. Very suspect.

WiCKED: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I may get to see the Broadway play, "WiCKED" in three weeks time. As the BIGGEST Wizard of Oz fan ever....EVER, WiCKED is the prequel to that particular story. I've heard nothing but fabulous reviews about this show *sigh* i'm such a dork, lol.

"Don't Touch My Studio": Guys, the way people are abusing this phrase is killing me! I watched the clip (Youtube it, if you're still confused about what i'm talking about), have heard the House music mixes for it, this statement has gone viral. Now to take it global!

Zuda's: Have been talking people off the ledge on Twitter, threating to pull an Amber Rose. With Solange followed suit and now Chrisette Michele having takent the plunge, the future trend seems to involve hairless noggins.

I envy anyone who can go bald and look hot...some of us have all sorts of dents and corners going-on that it's best not to dwelve into that terrain. For those northern hemisphere dwellers thinking of giving it ago, i wish you well, for those of you frolicking in the southern hemisphere, might i suggest you wait until winter is thoroughly done before you embark on such a hair-raising (hehehe) missions.

The Aidan vs BIG debate: In a display of some severe delayed action, i am only watching Sex in The City episodes. I don't remember getting in line for this particular bandwagon, but i guess i'm getting an inkling to why women went gaga over this show. Granted, fashion wise the episodes are all a little out-dated (the 90's are challenging the 80's for the "dodgy fashion era" award) but that's what we have movies for.

Now during my catch-up sessions, the Aidan vs BIG debate makes more sense. The age-old question of whether, "nice guys finish last" and if women have made too much of a deal about"settling".

Comments: This is really random but have you guys ever read mainstream news articles on CNN and seen the comments left there by people! Guys, there are some TWISTED individuals. Beats me why CNN has opened such pieces to the general public to express their opinion, but eish, i believe in this particular case that the world's two cents is quite unwarranted...entertaining but not necessary!


Hope you're revelling in what's left of your hump day chickens!

Be good and holla in the comments.


V x

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Imma Be....

Imma be Less Na├»ve: Until the early hours of Sunday morning, I didn’t actually know who Eugene Terreblanch was. I didn’t know there was a pretty large Neo-Nazi following in the North-West Province of South Africa. Then again, I’m not exactly going out of my way to find out more information about resident white supremacists and for some reason, I though that “associations” like those belonged in dirty south of North America and icy terrains of Russia. Guess I was wrong then.

Hasn’t history shown us on numerous occasions that pulling the, “we’re the chosen ones” or ‘we’re the entitled ones” card is a downward slippery slope into the hallows of some sort of ethnic cleansing?

Back to the Eugene character, fair enough, he was murdered and that’s not something to be taken lightly. The taking of life is no laughing matter people. However, the irony at the end of the day is this is a man who communicated and promoted violence and turmoil, so is at all surprising that that was the way he left this earth?

He’s The Maker’s problem now.

*smh* Swastika’s, nothing good ever came out of that emblem.

Love and Peace people, Love and Peace.

Imma be More Expensive: No, this does not mean expensive in the literal sense, i.e. the monetary/high maintenance one, but more in the sub-Saharan expression meaning “to be scarcer”. For example, I would say, “Shonavixen has been so expensive these days, judging by the frequency of her blog posts” - *ahem*, that was just a “hypothetical scenario, hehehe.

Now that the Lenten period is over, it showed me that in order to focus my energies on more character building activities; I would have to cut-back on some things that don’t require my constant input or people that are more options than priority individuals. It sucks, but during my 40 day hiatus, I realised that something had to give!

Imma be Drake's Numero Uno Fan: It’s possible I’ve been living under a rock for the past year, but I know that’s not it. It’s more a case of people creating mad hype about a thing or a person that inadvertently puts me off the thing or person. Classic current example being that iPad thingy-majig *eye roll*

“This album’s for my fans, but yo this hook is for my exes.” – Replacement Girl

Anywho, as the age old saying goes, where there’s smoke there’s fire and let’s just say, I’m burning up here. I got my hands on his two mixtapes, from the most unlikely source ever, and it’s be bliss ever since. He’s a lyrical savant, I love me a quotable lyricist, and this boy covers a range of topics from the sensitive to the mucho to the comedic, he covers the all. He’s made it easy to like him. Very easy.

“If Hov is Jordan, I guess I’m cool with Pippen.” – Going in for Life

Holla your, “Imma be” statements in the comments!


Alright chickens, enjoy the last few days of the week and stay blessed!


V x