With increasing frequency I’ve been receiving emails, facebook messages and friend requests that are clearly not meant for me. The senders in question send off correspondence with such confidence that sometimes I’m almost fooled into thinking I’m the intended recipient….but I am not.
This is what I get for having a generic email address that very susceptible to misunderstandings. I get on average 15 emails a month meant for countless Vimbai’s out there in the world, subject topics ranging from the amusing to the over familiar.
There’s also the minor hitch of sharing the same first name and surname of at least four other women currently wandering this earth. So many FB requests and messages come through from excited classmates, relatives, exes and colleagues of these Vimbai’s. I don’t get it, it’s not like I vaguely resemble any of them (yes, I’ve sussed them out).
Detailed below are outlines of my favourite “mistaken identity” correspondences meant for my various namesakes:
Vimbai the Mediator
This email had a gazillion family members CC’d. It looked like one of those newsletters meant to unite loved ones across the seas and keep them up to-date with family activities. The first paragraph of this email was dedicate to darling Vimbai who looked like she had been tasked with making right some family feud involving money lent by some now-disgruntled diasporan relative who was threatening some familial comeuppance of sorts.
I replied, to the sender only, to inform them that I wasn’t their target audience. Knowing the drama money issues can cause amongst blood relations, I could help but hope they get this drama resolved.
Vimbai the Witness
Eh, now this sender was on a mission. I received a FB friend request from a rather forward young lady informing me that since she had birthed so-and-so’s child, that we were now “family” come rain or shine.
Now interestingly enough, I recognised the name of so-and-so and realised that this young lady was reaching out to my namesake from a bloodline completely unrelated to mine. Fate would have it that one of my close friends is related to this particular namesake and branch of people carrying the same surname as I. I informed her of her cousin-in-law-of-sort’s desire to be recognised and the FB request, she proceeded to inform me that drama was going down with this baby mama and I was just one of many people who’d been contacted via FB.
I didn’t respond to the sender….i figured life for her was complicated enough without my tuning her she’d got the wrong person and maybe it wasn’t the best way around things to bombard prospective family members with FB messages *kanye shrug*
Vimbai the Planner
This Vimbai is based in Pretoria and running some sort of events management company or a bride-to-be arranging her wedding ‘cause all I ever get is catering quotes and tent hire quotes. She was, and probably is, a very busy lady.
Shout-out to all the ladies doing their own thing and being their own bosses!
Vimbai the Lover
By far my favourite “mistaken” correspondence is from a gentleman whose identity will remain anonymous, but for whom I feel for Smh*. In his email he’s literally begging for forgiveness from his lover Vimbai for various relationship misdemeanours. To the Zimbabwean readers, I’ve included excerpts of the email for your reading pleasure (I would translate it, but it wouldn’t be half as funny):
"Shars why saying things lyk that i din not say unonyadzisa kufamba newe.mudiwa wangu why uchhingofunga zvisina basa nyaya yemakore takataurirana tikanzwisisana inga wani shars...Inini ndini ndingatokunyadzisa bcoz I dnt dress to your standards as wat you said kuti im Junky. Anywa see you mutown darling idnt have option.MOYO WANGU WAKATORWA NEWE BABIE."
Now I got this email last Friday but only took a look at it yesterday, meaning that this gentleman may have wondering why his lady love wasn’t responding to him over the weekend. Eh, I informed him that he had got the wrong lady and wished him luck in all future romantic endeavours, lol.
Holla in the comments any mistaken identity drama you’ve been involved in.
It wasn’t my first time either; I am repeat cackle-in-the-morning offender. The saddest part is that I don’t remember what was so laughicious in my dream, to begin with. A second after waking up i had it, and then *poof* it was gone like a fart in the wind.
Anyone else ever have this problem, or am I once again alone on this one, lol.
Thing is, I can’t help but think that there is someone out there hoping to use The Ash debacle to their favour with excuses like, “I couldn’t make it work Boss, The Ash got out of control (mind you, this worker-bee resides in the southern hemisphere) or “Girl, I know I said I would call…but you this Ash situation, its just got me all confused, you know.”
Lady Z experienced some rather tempestuous 20’s, during such time she found herself, lost herself, made new “friends” noone else was impressed with, lost old “friends” who turned out to be “friends” with ulterior motives. She has alienated herself and in doing so, pushed those who love her away.
She’s been rudely mocked and made the butt of countless jokes but those who love her, from near or far, defend her with all their might. Who are they to act like they know who she is, they have not known her for as long as we have, and they do not understand her background like those of us who have grown up with her. All they see is the dark times and dismiss the many years of light and laughter she has brought to us….so many good memories, which make the more recent dark ones that much easier to cope with.
Do not underestimate my Lady. Not all has been lost.
To those who have written her off, fellow natives and on-lookers alike, watch this space…the best is yet to come.