Monday, March 08, 2010

The End is Nigh

In the second week of the third month of the second decade of the (errrrrr) not-so-new millennium, it is with a heavy heart that I must share what is fast becoming obvious.

The world is doomed.

Doomed!

How did my clever self figure this out? No, I did not decipher The Book of Revelations or Nostradamus’s vague scribblings. No siree. The signs where more subtle than that and yet, they were all around us.

I know what you’re thinking, and you’re wrong again.

Earthquakes didn’t factor into my deductions. True, it was impossible not to notice Haiti, Chile, Taiwan, Sumatra and Turkey succumbing to Mother Earth’s severe indigestion (and that fool meteorologist at CNN wants us to believe that none of those ‘quakes are related, *side eye*) and yet, that wasn’t it either.

Ladies and Gents, believe it or not, the omen of the world’s impending end came from none other than the South African edition of Elle magazine, the March 2010 edition.



Yes, they’re back! I’m so very sorry chickens, sooooooooooooooo sorry!

Crikey Moses! Who let these things come back? Shoulder pads…really, COME ON!!!!! The ‘80’s was one fashion faux pas after another, but shoulder-pads are its crowning monstrosity!

When I think of shoulder-pads the following come to mind (all at once too):

- Janet Jackson performing those geometric perfect moves in her Rhythm Nation video;
- Joan Collin’s character in Dynasty decking it out with her blonde nemesis for the charms of some old rich dude - the higher and sharper the shoulder-pads, the more alpha and dominant is the respective female;
- 80's Top of the Pops playing Tiffany’s. “I think we’re alone now”;
- Thriller ( I swear MJ was sporting shoulder pads under that signature red jacket of his); and
- Vultures - their bony, high raised wings definitely give a shoulder-pad effect.

It’s bad enough they bring back those damned harem pants back, but now this!!!! Do these people have no shame *smh*

New lows have been reached, hence my assumption that it’s a wrap!

Holla in the comments, what you believe has been mankind’s biggest fashion faux pas to date (don’t hold back now)

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Speaking of the world ending:

Wow, the economy may well be in recovery mode but the people are definitely not in a light hearted mood. In the past weeks I’ve found myself immersed in all things apocalyptic ‘cause it seems to be de rigeur to expect the worst:

Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road” – If you can get past the fact that this book has NO punctuation whatsoever, is an extremely short read and the reader never really gets the full story of why the earth has come to the state that it’s in, you’ll be impressed by it simplicity and its poignancy. It’s a book about core human values and survival of the fittest. As bloody morbid and gory as it is, I couldn’t put it down. Have any of you watched the movie?

The Book of Eli – The uber-cool Denzel Washington dominates this movie based on, once again, the world after civilisation has literally taken a hit. He’s on a quest to the West and trust me, nothing’s getting in the way. Just like in “The Road” the common themes of scavengers, cannibalism and morality ring clear.

Mmmmmh, the world needs a SERIOUS hug at this rate :-S

Keeping it Light:

I managed to dilute the abysmal feeling of doom caused by the above movie and book choices with the following:

Karyn Stockett’s “The Help”: Based on black maids personal experiences at the hands of their "madams" in then segregated Mississippi during the ‘60’s. it’s the whistleblower of all whistleblowers. The stories are hilarious, sad and heartfelt.

Golf: I’m a natural. Of course I am, never doubted it for a second. How could I not excel at a sport that encourages me to hit an obstacle as hard as I can, and rewards me for it.

Mr Darcy: I finally have my very own copy of BBC’s version of “Pride and Prejudice.” Don’t speak to me of that appalling version with that Keira Knightley person, we shall not speak of it. Instead, I get to drool over Mr D. and root for the underdog *sigh*

George Wilson: He plays American Football (which I don’t understand) and I didn’t know about him this time last week. But thanks to generosity of a fellow blogger *cough* K, this yummy specimen has been plucked out of obscurity. Go over to her blog, if you're wondering what i'm talking about.

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Be kind to yourselves, chickens!

Love,

V x

28 comments:

zimchic said...

OMG- I share your sentiments about the 80s and shoulder pads-it was a dark period in my own brief fashion period- they are almost as bad as the obligatory pair of neon lycra cycling pants we all had back then and the shiny viscose shirts, it would be a real shame if this caught on!!

Xiona said...

Shoulder pads, shoulder pads.....i cant quite find the words to express how i feel! But another thing i feel is a strong hint at the world's impending end....Alexander Mcqueen's alien nation shoes...seen'em?? i mean the guy was brilliant but, really???
As Mr. Darcy...let's not even get started on that!

Vimbai said...

@zimchick: Eeeeeeeeeeeee! Vicose shirts, ohmigosh, i had forgotten those! Oh geez, don't people realise that some things must be left in the past!

But these shoulder pads! I just don't know anymore!

@xiona: When i first saw those McQueen shoes in Lady Gaga's video, they looked like something out of alien vs predator.

I understand the need to push the boundaries, fashionwise...but come on people. Let some things rest in peace or in pieces!

Vimbai said...

@Funms, Kookie, SVT....and everyone else who left me a comment.

Please, please re-send it! I got too excited and deleted all SEVEN of them by mistake, damn this comment moderation sha.

Please, please re-comment.

V x

Super star! said...

I don't understand why shoulder pads are bad. It certainly gives structure and accentuates poise.

A pad in a jacket should be mandatory anywhere, that’s how jackets were made in the first place!

As for Pride and Prejudice: i suggest you visit Bath and experience Austen's world and suddenly all the characters come to live. I must agree though that Colin will forever be Mr Darcy, I cannot picture anyone assuming the character any better. Maybe Mr Bosnan? Just maybe!

ps : why this comment moderation chakuti chakuti...why charamba on blogs?

Vimbai said...

@Super: Howdy mate, it's been AGES!

A subtle pad in a jacket shoulder is one thing, but this adding extreme padding in dresses, shirts and what not (which is what is happening) is just unecessary. That's where my complaint is.

Ooooh, does the Pemberley from the BBC Prime version reside in Bath? How divine.

And FIE on you Super, Fie, for even implying that Pierce Brosnan would make an adequate Mr Darcy. Colin Firth owns that role *sigh*

Comment moderation is SO necessary 'cause i get about 20 comments a day of spam from people selling or advertising everything under the sun or very inappropriate links, on various posts i've written in the past.

It got exhausting to deleting them, and for every one spam comment that was deleted, 5 would return in its place *argggh*

kookie said...

Sha...deletion sha? Ehe Its like that huh? Eish and my previous comment was long exse lol

Ok you and I parallel lives I vow! Sunday night 60minutes feat Colin Firth cue cutaway to him jumping in that lake and striding towards Elizabeth *sigh* you understand how my VHS copy of Pride and Prejudice and my book need their DVD cousin to join. So I decided then & there that next weekend I will get my first DVD copy of P &P only to come here to find that you have beat me to the punch.

Second Parallel life thingy, Ive been ranting about shoulder pads ever since Ri Ri came out wearing that green shoulder pad jump suit number. In a fashion way I can see how it works in the world of celebrity & cutting edge but when I'm at Westfield seeing Susie, Robin and Hannah wearing their 80's inspired Miami Vice/Jackie Collins jackets with the sequins and those DARN shoulder pads in daylight ka...I want to cry because I know that is ALL I will be seeing this winter.

I had a list of things that just shouldn't come back Sun visors, doo rags, fluro coloured tights or fluro anything (only because I for see the disasters in colour co-ordination that will make me
wish I was colour blind).

I am far from a hip and upcoming fashion chick. i know what I like and what makes me look good. With my overly curvaceous self sequins will only make me look like a moving disco ball.

As for George *sigh* brings new meaning to the phrase "By George he's got it"

If this comment disappears ka...I expect chocolates in my letter box.

kookie said...

By the way Super... Durban hey? Care to share a little more about "Durban"?...LOL

Vimbai said...

@Kooks: Bra, i didn't delete the comments on purpose! If it's any consolation i let out this huge squeal and now everyone in the office thinks i'm a dork, lol.

LOL, get the DVD chica, it will change your life. Firth-y all wet from the streams of Pemberley...what a scene man, what a scene.

It's going to be a looooooooong winter indeed with these shoulder pads! Granted, some of us with our broad shoulders don't need them, but that's beside the point. It's just wrong. Eish, and the whole Miami Vice looking making a comeback, it's too much mate, too much.

George...oh George...*swoon*...he's DEFINITELY got it!

@Super: Ehe, answer the question. Soooooooo Durban, it treated you well then *wink wink nudge nudge*

Super star! said...

Been a min, and i missed you all...

NAh i am not sure where the Pemberly in BBC is. (But you are welcome to my Pemberly in Vumba..ha ha ha)
But what you get in Bath is the Austen influence, the birth of her ideas and the inspiration.

You and K are wont on admonishing my baby behind. Sha think Pierce in Thomas Crown, let’s be open minded for a bit. I know Colin slam jammed the Darcy role but i think Pierce has "the threatening grace of a panther on the prowl." !

Super star! said...

PS

Durban is such a lovely place

My Bestfriend's Little Sister(MBLS) said...

I like Mrs B, but I do blame her in this instance of misleading the masses. She's tiny and I think she has the frame to pull off shoulder pads, particularly in the middle picture. However, most of us mere mortals and in the pursuit of high fashion my end up looking like we're going to Rugby training.

Book of Eli, I so need to watch it, I love Denzel! My favourite Denzel movie is 'American Gangster'.

Anonymous said...

Well... that's quiet interessting but frankly i have a hard time figuring it... I'm wondering what others have to say....

Ka-danger said...

First time commenter- Long time reader.
-Naaaah I'm all up in there, love the shoulder pads, as long as they are not too exagerated, it screams "uber cool to me, like James Dean cool, as long as they not like that woman from Dynasty but a la Becks or Rhirhi bring it... I'mma rock it, ride this wave!

Teshyah said...

Shoulder Pads?....*deep in thought*.... WAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (thats my thought on them).

On another note not so long ago remember we had "Skipsters" (I owned a faithful pair, the ones that had a ridge like strechy fabric in blck)and "Paddle pushers" (Still cant figure out why they were called that). I would LOVE (sarcastically)to em celebrities bring the skipster back in.

I will never wear that thing again!

kookie said...

@ Super stop trying to push Pierce my dear. Its.a.no. He didn't do Bond justice either and ruined it for me.

Re: "DURBAN" I sense a much happier, calmer Super as opposed to the Super @ the start of the year. SMH @ that time lol. If "Durban" is the reason for this turn around Im happy for you and my insatiable need to know can be put on hold...for now. Welcome back matey!

Vimbai said...

@Super: I've tried to be open minded but NIX, Brosnan doesn't cut it. Too damn old...toooo pretty...nope, i'm not having it.

PS you sound VERY happy which makes me VERY happy, coz like Kooks said, eish, you weren't sounding great earlier in the year mate.

MBLS: Mrs B wears haute couture to grab bread at the local grocers, she forgets that for the average being, some fashion is just not practical or flattering!

@Anon: Errr, hope you aren't confused anymore!

@Ka-danger: Love the name! Honey, i'll sit out this wave, but i will agree with you. These shoulder pads have a James Dean feel to them, they're very, "Rebel without a Cause", hehehe.

PS Thanks for commenting *big smile*

@Teshyah: Heeeeeee, I forgot about pedal pushers! Seeing as they were last around in 1999, by my calculations they'll be back in the summer of 2015 (help us all!). I don't remember skipsters tho?

@Kooks: I co-sign your argument in the Brosnan debate.

My Bestfriend's Little Sister(MBLS) said...

Teshyah! I used to wear pedal pushers! And remember dreaming of skipsters just to go to Edgars to hear they were sold out, I never ever wore one, and in hindsight I am glad I didn't!

DaughterofEve said...

I love shoulder pads! I dont own anything with shoulder pads but i love em!! The other day I was in the tube with a woman wearing a banana clip :-) Love it!!

Talkoum said...

it seems that you and K may have come from the same womb..i swear i never thought there was another living being who liked P&P as much as her...wow!!!

shoulderpads, bumpads (the kardashians)..its the whole wonderbra concept but surely there are some things that just don't need enhancing, fashion or not...its V: the original miniseries (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bpY2B57PMQ4) all over again! soon we will be wearing those proper black petticoats--->have mercy please!

Vimbai said...

@MBLS: Now i'm seriously suffering from FOMO, what were skipsters?

@DOE: Awwwwww Banana clips, hahaha, i loved those! Are they back too?

@Talkoum: K and I were separated at birth, by the looks of things. P&P is the truth.

Bum pads? Are people actually wearing bum pads. I know Bey and Kim are always getting called out for using them, but is the average man and woman on the street rocking them too???

kookie said...

Sha V bum pads are the in thing amongst Asian chicks this side! They sell them next to the wonder bra's

kookie said...

Melbourne winter fashions coming out now:

Skorts= attached one piece= skirts and shorts ...in some cases being worn with leggings and high platform heels in daylight or at the club. I tell no lies.

Skeggings: = attached one piece= leggings and skirt also worn with the platform heels

Jeggings= Leggings with a sprayed on denim design or is it jean look but legging type material.

Im going to cry I is. I am going to cry.

Vimbai said...

@Kooks: Skorts...skorts...those things are back! Aren't they like tennis skirts. Didn't we wear them back in 1996???

I'm not so sure about the Skeggings...eh, as for the Jeggings, that's just wrong man, WRONG!

Fashion, thy name is FOOL!

Vimbai aka Visha said...

Well I agree that the world is coming to an end because of a few "facts"
1) I now see myself favouring very bright fluorescent pink nail polish and my lips have started to follow suit.
2) I have now taken to wearing leggings more often than any pants I own (wait do I even own any other pants besides leggings?)
3)I have been eyeing this discount Balmain jacket with...you guessed it shoulder pads)
I am an 80's child but even I have to admit that was the most tackiest period in human fashion and a repeat of such monstrosities can only point to the ending of time.

Now to Pride and Prejudice I concur on condemning that charlatan movie with Keira it was appalling. I love Colin Firth's take on Mr Darcy and the acting in it was spot on. That Mr Darcy mmm....

Now let me clear my mind from the gutter and say that although I condemn the 80's the 90's were more appalling in terms of bad taste. I am sorry but I would rather wear rags.

kookie said...

I await your gold digger post this coming week. I especially would like to know how some people...actually V I'm going to email you lol

My Bestfriend's Little Sister(MBLS) said...

Skipsters were hipsters with a skirt! I know! it's awful but thank God I never wore them!

Vimbai said...

@Kooks: Loved your gold-digger post love, see, now i don't have to write mine.

La la la :-)

@MBLS: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, the penny, she is dropping. I used to own two skipsters and i LOVED them! I remember going to Circus and some guy telling me to make up my mind...he thought i was purposely wearing a short skirt AND hipsters *smh*