Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Gone Too Soon


It's been a rough 24 hours...

It's not easy to make sense of that which appears senseless.

This year is so sad...Haiti...more earthquakes....Ethiopian Airlines...and now this.

I keep rehashing past conversations, i keep thinking about the last time i saw him...New Years Eve. I was in the club, he was outside. We were lip-reading through the glass windows, he said he was coming in and i said i'd speak to him when he did.

I never saw him again.

In the last days, he was active on facebook...in retrospect, maybe a bit too active. It was only last week him and i were having a philosophical debate relating on to one of obversations on life. I re-read the back-and-forth, looking for a sign...a hint.

I wasn't his closest friend, not by a long shot, he was beloved by many. But a friend i did consider him. I knew he'd been through a lot over the years but never did i think it would come to this.

In this instant, there is not beauty in hindsight. Instead there are questions, the re-living of every last moment...last conversation...last expression to find a clue, any clue.

I hate Facebook today.
I hate its efficiency at delivering the saddest news.
I hate that you had updated your profile, as though you had planned it all along...had you?
I hate that we have so many questions, and no answers.
I hate that it wasn't a mistake, that it was all true, you were gone.
I hate that you were so sad, so tormented, so desperate that you resorted to this.
I hate that nobody could help in time.

Your parents have lost a son
Your siblings have lost a brother
Your son has lost a father
Your partner has lost a lover

And we, who loved you too.
We have lost a friend.

Sleep easy Thulani

----------------------------------------------------

"How To Save A Life"

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And I pray to God he hears you
And I pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And would I have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life


12 comments:

Super star! said...

very sad indeed. especially considering what happened to the brother some years ago. i saw these kids grow up

Teshyah said...

This whole piece made me cry. Hang in there buddy, I am sure Thulani is in a way better place. B strong hun. Lotsa luv xxx

Daughterofeve said...

So sad sha - ifeel for his parents. They lost 2 sons in the same way. It takes my breath away tothink anout how sad he must have felt - i cannot imagine the pain that his family and friends are feeling. RIP shuwa

Sekuru VaTawanda said...

This will probably sound insincere and corny - but I feel your pain. Your post has just triggered a memory about a friend of my own, who also took away his own life.

You cannot blame yourself for this, and you shouldn't.

SVT

Emilia said...

Its so sad whats going on! we need divine intervention. Was really shaken up by the ethiopian airlines cus thats my airline dear oh dear

Shona said...

This piece pulled my heart strings...may he rip!

munhu said...

nematambudziko asikana. this is your moment of grief and I am in no way implying that I can fathom your pain...but last year I also spoke back and forth with a friend on facebook the day before he wrapped his car around a pole. is one of the reasons I do not like facebook and only ever am on for a week at a time - so efficient in delivering the most heartbreaking news.
said a prayer for you after reading your tweet yesterday and still praying.
ndineurombo shuwa. rufu ndimadzongonyedze.

Hadassah said...

Aish zvakaoma nematambudziko. I was going to try Ethiopian airlines heard it was chap but I am gonna change my mind

Andrea said...

This reminded me of someone I lost. I hope you are ok.

Anita Hedges said...

Vim, I'm so sorry for your loss my friend. Stay strong and let the happy memories sustain you in your time of grief. Condolences to all his friends and family. Thinking of you my girlie and sending you love across the oceans...xx

Myne Whitman said...

Please stay strong, I know the loss of loved ones can be so demoralizing. However he is in a better place now. Take care and my condolonces to his friends and family.

Vimbai said...

Hey guys, thanks for all the kind words.

@Super: Yup, history repeats itself all over again. Damn shame.

@Teshyah: Awww honey, i didn't mean to make you cry.

@DOE: HIs family...eish, i don't even know how you come back from such a thing...twice.

@SVT: Everyone who's ever lost a friend through such means can commiserate.

@Emilia: Time to revise airlines methinks :-o

@Shona: Thanks lovie

@Munhu: Thanks for your prayer. I may lay off the FB, its too real time for me.

@Hadassah: Sometimes cheap aint the answer...esp when it comes to air travel. Who am i kidding, i am all about the cheap :-)

@Andrea: It's so sad that so many people are reminded of this scenario...so very sad. But yup, i'm good.

@Anita: Thanks for the love vibes chica, big hug.

@Myne: Wow, this incident is demoralising. I find myself sitting at work and wondering wtf??! But time will soothe the pain. His poor family, i can't even begin to imagine.