I've been getting into a lot of trouble these days...not picking up calls or answering smses after 8pm, going AWOL mid-BBM chats. Now i could blame all this rather suspicious on taking up with a Latino lover who bears a striking resemblence to Adrian Grenier and answers to "Raul" but yah, it's not that exciting...
I joined the gym.
Now if you've followed my blog for a bit or know me personally, you'll know that if there's anyone who's ever given bad press about gymnasiums' and their ilk, it has been me. Having had a bad run in with one of Richard Branson's instituitions a few years back left a very sour taste in my mouth. I wanted nothing to do with such places. I ridiculed friends, family and colleagues who signed-up with them...i made a point of voicing (quite loudly too) to anyone who'd listen how i kept fit with having to join a cult.
The truth is, i've never been one for exercise of any kind and it's worked well for me. Mama and Papa blessed me some fantastic genes, such that i've spent an odd 20 plus years on this earth looking like i wake up and run 30km in the morning without doing a damn thing.
However, reality sunk in after a mild health scare during the hols and a few trips to fitting rooms across Joburg hit home that a bit of maintenance is needed. Something a little more structured than my odd Carmen Electra "Striptease" aerobic DVD workout.
With my foot firmly lodged down my throat, i paid the gym a visit and signed up. It's been about two weeks so far and i feel good about my choice.
Let me share a few things i've observed and discovered during my trips to the gym:
1. If i ever need to get a really good boob job i'd ask the chicks who bob about in the front row of my intense aerobics class who hooked them up with theirs. Never have i seen boobs so firm...so taut...so unshakeable. They don't move. Now a quick squiz around the class confirmed my original thinking, that boobs are meant to wriggle around when one is jumping, no matter the strength of your gym-bra.
2. People put a great deal of thought into what they wear to the gym. Matching tops, matching pants, matching trainers. Heaven forbid should you mix Brand names, tsk tsk, everyone knows that when it comes to Nike and Reebok, never the twain should meet.
3. Vying for a tie with the sterotypical car salesman is the gym consultant. Never have i had to haggle for a reasonably priced gym subscription like i did when i was signing up. Gym subscriptions are right up there with hotel room rates and airline tickets...there's never one price. You then have to call their bluff, threaten to go to the competition and call up a friend (in front of them) to confirm what they're paying in comparison to what the sleezy gym consultant is offering.
All that bargaining is a workout in itself.
4. 85% of people who attend the gym don't look like they should be there. They're super skinny and working so diligently (bless their cotton socks) and all i want to do is go up to them and say, "It's okay, you look great...you can take it down a notch now."
5. This may be a very South African specific situation but i've noticed that the classes taken by black trainers are mostly made up of black gym goers, and vice versa for classes taken by white trainers. *smh*
6. Some ladies work out in the gym complete with a full face of make-up. Now the least they could do is ensure their mascara is waterproof to avoid that Salvador Dali "Melted Clocks" effect.
7. For the unattached and willing to mingle, the gym is prime hunting ground. The pheromones in the air mingled with all that puffed out chest prancing from the fellas and suggestive front bends and squats from the ladies is bound to end up in liaisons of a sweaty kind.
8. Never underestimate the frail looking old man next to you in yoga, he's definitely more flexible than you and can execute a perfect downward dog position and back-bend. True story.
9. All those sweat inducing workouts reek havoc with black hair. I'm walking around with a frizzball similar to that sported by Big Bird in Sesame Street. Any suggestions on what i can do ladies (short of going bald).
10. Endorphins feel good...real good.
Holla your thoughts in the comments chickens
Haters, & I made myself so easy to love *jay-z voice*: The UK and Germany need to slow their row with the bad press they keep giving South Africa 130 days before the World Cup. There is awareness...and then there is scaring the bejesus out of people. Yes, SA has its fair share of crime and the lot, but if you stay vigilant and don't do that stupid naive touristy stuff of wandering into dark alley's then you'll be aight.
If the world wasn't such a Media-whore:
a) Tiger and Elin would have probably reconciled a whole lot faster. But now he's made a fool of himself on a global scale and humilated his wife in the process. Instead of only her closest friends and family asking "Whatchu gonna do girl?", the whole world is doing the same. Pressure.
b) Those Kardashian's would be working a 9 to 5 in a fast food outlet somewhere.
c) The world would be fixated on more important things like World Hunger, Poverty and Climate Change. Not, which wife is Jacob Zuma on.
Birdies & Eagles & other Feathery Pursuits: I've taken up golf...again. In my previous life i had a golf instructor who was a tyrant at best. His lessons would last 3 - 4 hrs at a time, i would leave with blisters on my fingers. He wasn't so nice, effective in a way...but not so nice.
I managed to score myself free golf lessons with a pro and the game is actually more enjoyable this time around.
I'm tempted to make a Tiger Woods joke right about now, but i don't think it would be appropriate....hehehehehe.
Special shoutout: It's my mummy's birthday today. I love the is woman. We've had our ups and downs as all mother-daughter relationships have had, but i know when i'm low she'll console me and when i'm excited she'll cheer me on. There is no more self-less person i know. She's my greatest example and if i'm half the person she's been and is, in this lifetime, i'll be alright.
Happy birthday Mum!
Happy weekend chickens!
Celebrate Life and be the change you want to see.