Monday, November 02, 2009

Sometimes...


bad, sad things happen:

When i heard the wailing cry i just knew that something wasn't right. I knew that someone was dead. Nobody can emit such a sound unless in the deepest throes of grief and loss.

In boarding school i dreaded that sound. Every year without fail a sombre relative would come to deliver news to an unsuspecting student that a parent, sibling, close relative or friend had passed on. Then you would hear it, that cry.
The kind of cry that makes the hairs on your neck stand up. The cry that we secretly hope is not catching and does not find its way to us.

Saturday night, i heard that cry.

The caretaker of the complex where i stay was gunned down in a senseless mugging, no less than 20 feet from my complex gate.

His widow's grief was made known to us all.

R.I.P Solly

we have to start somewhere:

During the Sunday church service i attended a man stood before his community, family and friends and asked for their forgiveness.

He did not make any excuses for his actions, no detailed backdrop was provided to explain as to how he'd got to such a low point in his life and committed such a heinous deed.

Instead he acknowledged his actions, owned them and spoke the tale of his road to recovery, enlightenment and forgiveness that had led him back to the very community that he had torn himself apart from through his actions.

How do you begin to ask for forgiveness for murdering your parents? Forgiveness from God, the deceased, from yourself, your loved ones and your community...how do you begin?

You just do. You start and you never stop asking.

This man shamed me, not because of what he had done, but rather because he highlighted what i was not prepared to do. Here he stood in front of people still harbouring anger, pain and resentment and he still asked for the impossible, had the courage to try and express his regret and rehabilitation...and here i am, refusing to let go of the petty grievances i harbour against others and through sheer cowardice, avoid to initiate the necessary conversations required to begin the healing process.

We must try.

We must start.

we just don't get our way:

How do 460 tickets get sold out in 1 minute? Internet connectivity in South Africa is decent but i sincerely doubt that those tickets, the tickets for a certain Ms Winfrey's show scheduled to occur on 30th November 2009, sold out to consumers on-line in less than a minute. The promoters claim no pre-bookings or pre-sales occured prior to the tickets becoming available online. Women stood in queues in their numbers only to be turned away when not even one person had been able to purchase a ticket.

Foul play is suspected from my end.

*shrug* Twas too much to ask perhaps, that things go as they are said to go.

monday's don't entirely suck:

Meetings are upbeat. The day does not drag. Deliverables are completed. The hot chocolate machine out-does itself with the foamy froth fluffed to perfection.

it all comes together and you just know...you know?!

Feel free to share your "sometimes" in the comments.

----------------------------------------

Less than 3 hours till this Monday is officially done and i may just be a teeny bit sad to see the back of it. Things went the way they should and i am glad.

I will now nurse my lemon ginger tea while the rain serenades me and i attempt to keep sleep at bay (an exercise in futility).

Sleep tight chickens,

Love,

V x

17 comments:

Shamilicious said...

I realised today that sometimes i have to let things go to bring them back to me...sometimes...

Vimbai said...

@shami: real talk sista! If it/he returns then it/he was meant to be ;-)

ShonaVixen said...

Sometimes you wake up and the day just doesnt seem right, there's that one person who's ticking you off, its one of them days..you're about to blow off and then u remember you're not meant to lose your cool coz you'll end up looking like the idiot..so you stop yourself...sometimes!

Sometimes you get a lump in your throat..it might be words some-one says, a text from your dad, a call from ma that came @ just that moment..an email from a friend..a memory..a song..a scene in a movie, a documentary..a picture..sometimes

Sometimes you appreciate the decisions you've made, you're not hard on yourself as you realise you're not doing that bad @ all...sometimes

Sometimes you entertain annoying people just because you're bored..sometimes!

Sometimes you switch off your phone, log off your laptop and write letters and read books all in the name of doing it ol skool...sometimes

Sometimes you find yourself talking about folks on blogville to non-bloggers and you get the side-eye and you just carry on talking about your 'friends'

Sometimes you leave long comments on Vimbai's blog!!..lol...

Then everytime you pray and are grateful for God or whoever you believe in has your back!!

Vimbai said...

@shona: Amen or rather Hamheni!I was nodding throughout your comment, loved it.

Sometimes others have the words when words fail you :-)

ShonaVixen said...

Vimbai - #sometimes is now on twitter!!!

munhu said...

sorry for the loss of the caretakers wife...I admire the man who stood up and faced up to his wrongs...I have experienced those sometimes moments especially in sport - when you are just in the zone and can do no wrong - even the wrongs come out right. a real BLESSING.
@ Shona - wakapenga !!!

K said...

Madam on the real if you ever stop blogging print out your posts and bind them in a book. This post hit HOME. Im having a sometimes kind of week because this week I realised that sometimes I let some friends go this year to make me see the ones who stayed were my infinite blessings.

My late younger brother wrote a note a long time ago that said 'I think my big sister is the best sister ever. She makes me cocoa when Im sick & watches Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with me' and sometimes I take that note out on days when I feel not so special and remember that someone thought I was pretty darn spectacular....I was kind of a big deal dhemmit. And gosh darn it those are the days when Im Kanye cocky and no one can bring me down. :-)

WONDERFUL POST!!!

P.s yes sometimes I hold grudges but Im learning to let some go. Maybe this might be the week to be inspired to try and start mending fences. perhaps. where's the Anon commentator from your last post I'll start there lol

Deedza said...

Eysh Vimb this a good post this one, thought provoking. Forgiveness ahh that one is hard.
The first step towards forgiveness is to see the other person as a human being and not a source of hurt and that is the hardest thing. Forgiving is not easy but its good way to let God and let go, is there any emotion that imprisons the soul more than the unwillingness to forgive?

Sometimes i just cry just for the sake of it because it makes me feel good
Sometimes i secretly stalk people on fb i know i shouldn't but i cant help it

Sometimes i feel like my life is a dream, like how did all this good stuff happen to little ole me, is this really my life??

Sometimes i wonder if God laughs at me or with me

Vimbai said...

@munhu: You have achieved the holy grail for all hot blooded males swanning the earth "The Perfect Game"

@K; Your brother's note is just cute! We are all someone's world, no matter what the world tries to tell us.

Lol @ reaching out to Anon.

@Deedza: Apa wataura/You have spoken the truth. Forgiveness is so complicated and at the same time, straight forward. Its not a once off event, but a daily/hourly event that requires a concious decision followed by action.

Its the impossible made possible.

The hardest person to forgive is yourself - let go and let God!

blogoratti said...

Letting things go...touching post!

Myne Whitman said...

When things like this follow so closely we ponder about life. Your write-up is really heartfelt. Sorry about the person that passed.

Hope you feel better now? Take care

Hadassah said...

Forgiveness is hard, truly hard I still find myself thinking back to what hurt eventhough in my heart I have said that I forgive that person. I still have flash backs it is hard.

That guy is very brave and strong, and hungry to move forward with his life to stand up in front of the church and say his testimony

Vimbai said...

@blogoratti: Thanks. Letting go is the name of the game this week, judgng by the very insightful poem you posted a few hours ago.

@Myne: Exactly, on Saturday I was mad at the murderer then by Sunday after the church service I was feeling sorry for both murderers. You have to be in such a sorry state to take the life of another and the second story taught me that some good can still come out of the worst situations. So yup, I feel just a smidgen better.

@Hadassah: Those flashbacks are such a danger! That's why I believe forgiveness has to be a continual process but like a lot of things, it sounds much easier in theory than in practice ne?!

enchante said...

sometimes i spend three-quarters of my day in the office stalking people's blogs when i know i should be working!

sometimes i feel ashamed when i hit my son and he still comes back to me crying so i can comfort him.

someone please tell me whether its possible to seperate forgiveness and forgetting. i always think as long as i cant forget i havent really forgiven that person.

enchante said...

sometimes i spend three-quarters of my day in the office stalking people's blogs when i know i should be working!

sometimes i feel ashamed when i hit my son and he still comes back to me crying so i can comfort him.

someone please tell me whether its possible to seperate forgiveness and forgetting. i always think as long as i cant forget i havent really forgiven that person.

Nyasha said...

wow wimbi, heysh this was a deep post hey and it was awesome! i sometimes feel that you should be living with me in this country coz stories like this scare me to death...keep safe please!

zimchic said...

Thats some scary shit right there, and it is so sad. I cant imagine that cry wow. Hmmm Vimbai be safe, please. And here ML is trying to convince me that we should get an investment property in SA. Hmmm no it just seems there is a lack of respect for human life

A girl at work said to me the other day,"you don't have a cleaner? how can you live without one with the hours we work- its an essential"
Can you imagine telling Zim relatives or even those who are working shitty jobs here that I am paying a complete stranger (possibly a murungu or non munhu mutemha of some variety) to clean my house on an hourly basis. No that wouldn't fly.