Thursday, November 19, 2009

Channelling Patra!

Ooooh, it’s been a minute!

Okay, so where did I leave off? Oh yes, the office xmas party. Eish, it was as dry as the Namib desert during a global drought with zero chance of precipitation forecast. Yes, that dry. Bless them, they did try but I guess given the obvious downgrade of venue, menu and general entertainment it was fairly obvious that 2009 had been a trying working year and people are glad to be seeing the back of it. I guess I should be grateful that we even got an office party.

Event high-points: The lethal strawberry daiquiri’s being served and winning an office prize for being, ummmm, very tenacious about something I would rather not get into, hehehe.

Event low-points: Not having anywhere to dance or move, we were confined to our chairs for the whole thing. The blatant boss a*s-kissing was so OTT. It was about as obvious as Enrique Iglesius’s mole (pre-laser surgery).

Speaking of Bosses

So Saturday night my girl had a Dance-hall themed extravaganza at her place. My girls and I , being extreme theme-party-wh*res, were dressed in full regalia!

I’m talking short shorts, tight leggings and tops, lots of gold bling, scaffolding for shoes and bright make-up. There was a nagging voice at the back of my head as we got dressed, this voice was trying to remind me not to over do it as the last theme party we’d attended at the party-throwers venue had been more low-key. Suffice to say, the nagging voice was quickly silenced….

Fast-forward an hour later when we are walking into the party expecting to see some scandalousness….only to realise that we might just be the scandalees! The nagging voice in the back of my head was as smug as pie. I can just imagine how bad it looked to the more conservatively dressed looker ons! Luckily as the party progressed we realised we weren’t alone, more “Patra’s” came through…anywho, after a few cups of the delicious punch, we weren’t really concerned.

So about midway into the gig, I’m standing by the kitchen-cum-makeshift-bar area, throwing back some potent punch and attempting newly created variations of The Butterfly when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around expecting to see one of my girls and lo and behold it’s my boss.


The man is visibly tickled pink. I am visibly mortified. Geez I know Joburg is small, but come on!

I make a lot of effort in the office to appear (read: APPEAR) professional, cool, calm and efficient. For goodness sakes, I wear tweed and pearls! And yet there I stood sozzled, mid-butterfly, looking like….*smh*

Thankfully I’ve been out of the office this whole week so I can save some face, but yah, priceless!

Have you guys every met bosses or work colleagues in the most unlikely settings or situations? Holla your stories in the comments!


Mama, I Can Count: Two years ago, my baby sister bought me the entire season Gilmore Girls box set from China. Now, I’m a big Gilmore Girl fan. It’s got that perfect blend of feel good fluff and angst that keeps me glued to my seat.

On receiving and promptly opening this box set, I realised that all the writing on the covers of the discs were in Chinese. Weakened beyond disbelief, I promptly put the box set away and didn’t bother myself again…until this past weekend..

With help from Google (God Bless Google) I not only managed to sort the 40-odd discs but can proudly declare that I can now fluently read and count from one to eight in Chinese.

Who’d have thunk?

I’m Positive, “O” Positive, Shaken AND Stirred: Mosquitoes really don’t like me, which I know is a good thing…but WHY don’t they like me (middle child syndrome flaring up here)? It’s so weird, I can be sharing a room with someone or people and they’ll be swatting and cursing and complaining about being eaten alive and there’s nothing going after me!

I have one serious case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) here.

The Lion and The Lamb: If you are in the Johannesburg area, catch this play/musical at Market Theatre in Newtown. Checked it out with some mates on Tuesday night and was blown away. I love its message, seeing as the festive season is literally in our laps. It’s a great reminder of message behind Christmas. Oh and if you aren’t interested in that, just go and check it out for the singing alone. Damn, some people can SANG!!!!


I’m burrowed under the covers chickens and foresee a night of chick flicks and lots of tea ahead.

Another weekend is upon us, can I get an “AMEN!”


V x


kookie said...

GET.OUT.! I HEART I mean LOVE Gilmore Girls...#TEAMLUKE #TEAMMRSKIM #TEAMLOGAN/JESS *sigh* I miss it. Im trying to drop hints all over the place that a complete DVD set would not be turned away as a b'day/xmas gift

As for being caught by your boss mid butterfly *DEAD*

Vimbai said...

Kooks: Mrs Kim is HILARIOUS! I just got done with Season 1 and had forgotten that Chad Michael Murray from One Tree Hill did a brief stint on it.

Girl don't you have any homies in the East who can hook you up proper ek se, 'cause i ain't gonna lie, the box set is the way to go!

The boss encounter left me shook sha, i proceeded to "behave" for the rest of the night :-)

Myne Whitman said...

The boss caught you pants up? could you "behave" when you were channeling Patra? Never had that happen before, except maybe using the ladies same time as my boss and I have to do a number 2, LOL..

BTW, You can now download my book at,

Anonymous said...

Lol - your boss is pretty hip, miss vim; attending dancehall parties an all!

if i were you i would have asked him for a dance, he'd obviously say yes, and wind and grind for him dancehall style. lol

that way he'd feel as awkward as you felt, and he'd make an effort to forget the whole encounter never happened.

have a great weekend.

-sekuru vaTawanda

munhu said...

Vee - welcome back been a good minute thank's to Twitter though depression did not set in. Am I sounding like a stalker there?
As for the boss - he obviously gate crashed because if he was not dressed like Shabba Ranks and with the required hairstyle he obviously was gate crashing !!!

Vimbai said...

@Myne: A number 2 with the boss in the next stall! I commend you on your lack of stage fright :-)

Myne, how many books have you written, you! I'm super impressed :-)

@Sekuru: My bosses are relatively young (35 - 42) not like the old dhara's in Zim. In retrospect i probably should have asked him for a dance, seeing as performance appraisals are coming up at work, lol.

@Munhu: The boss had a very solid excuse for being there, so no gate crashing.

Eish, as for that 'fro of Shabba's, i'd forgotten!

Anonymous said...

hmmm only 35 - 42. i don't know, but it certainly sounds like someone in a dateable range for you. entertain the idea for a while and you'll see its not that bad. methinks you should get friendly with the boss. tambai mese uko!

in situations like those you should think: what would sekuru do? and do exactly that, with no omissions. lol.

shamwari the dharas in zim are hip. you'll find them at all the cool parties, drawing huge crowds with their hip theories about the Jayz and Beyonce marriage, kanye's crush on tyler swift and their upcoming single etc. usadherere!

SEKURU vaTawanda

ShonaVixen said...

Hmmm the boss walking in whilst doing a Patra...LOL!!!And yes you should have asked him for a!!
Once upon a time a girl named Shona went out with her friends during a school night, after partying the night away, Shona did what Londoners did, went to 1997 a Chinese restaurant that was open till 4am. Of course the young lady Shona had been sipping on the aaa-aaa-aaalcohol..her feet hurting Shona sat to the table closest to the door,kept moaning about how her feet hurt & of course Shona and friends were acting like intoxicated people, errrthing was FUNNY..unbeknown to Shona, her boss had also gone out that night and seen said girl. Next day at work, Shona wasnt feeling too well, she could feel herself dozing off...boss then sent Shona an email 'I was expecting you to call in sick this morning as Chinese at 4am in the morning is never good for you! Killer shoes you had on too.'

Vimbai said...

@Sekuru: Dating who???? Bra, bosses are no go.

The dhara's in Zim are delusional! Don't even get me started on those fools.

@Shona: BUSTED, that was priceless! At least you showed for graft, great work ethic Shona!

munhu said...

@ Vim - pun intended - any boss who dips his hand in the cookie jar is not worth his salt.
John Mayer
that is all.

Vimbai said...

@Munhu: Iwe, what are you doing cruising hollywood gossip sites *snigger snigger*

Now as for JM lamenting about nto getting enough nookie, hell,i'm gonna tweet him my details right now. Poor baby, Vimbi will fix you *dirty smile*

Anonymous said...

@ vim: my goodness you are a horny bugger. please don't hurt JM, we still want to listen to his music. when you r being generous to him please exercise extreme moderation - not 24hr sessions. & be gentle with him for the sake of his fans. dont fix him too much. and no trapping him with bambinos. LOL

-Sekuru VaTawanda

Vimbai said...

Sekuru, when it comes to JM i don't mess around!

I would trap him with quadruplets if i could...except he wouldn't think it was a trap...not with my Zezuru/Karanga magic. He won't stand a chance *big grin*

Anonymous said...

@vim: naughty girl. you know too much! now i am curious. i have never heard of, or experienced that zezuru/karanga stuff. care to do a post on it to educate us unenlightened folk on how to enrich "extra-curricular activities"? maybe, you should write a book on it - call it zimbo kamasutra or something like that. that will sell.

please do share your tips, and don't give us that 'i will not tell. it only for privileged people to know'... coz i would give you sekuru's top 10 tips if you asked. so do tell

sekuru vaTawanda

Hadassah said...

LOLOLOLOL I laughed so hard on the story of the boss!

Vimbai said...

@Sekuru: I am currently hard at work *ahem* on my best seller which will contain a chapter solely dedicated to the Zimbo Kamasutra.

At this point i am not at liberty to comment on my trade secrets!