Thursday, October 29, 2009

And in other news...

  1. Went out hiking on Sunday and felt a great affinity with the outdoors. That doesn't mean you'll catch me camping any time soon but i'm definitely more open to this hiking business.
  2. Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is turning out to be a bit of an emotional read. Her "Half a yellow sun" wasn't so bad, there was some balance, but this book is just draining me.
  3. The great debate: A friend of mine deleted all her male friends from FB as she believes that noone can ever have a platonic relationship with the opposite sex.

    Unecessarily drastic measure or does the lady have a point?
  4. Toni Braxton has a new song??? Seriously? Eish, comebacks are the new black.
  5. Ever notice that your bad mood is inversely proportional to the amount of carbs you've consumed for the day?
  6. Succumbed to peer pressure and got myself a schweet blackberry phone that for some reason didn't come with a how-to manual. Thanks to the powers that be (read: google) i'm finding my way around this contraption.
  7. Anyone watched Michael Jackson's "This Is It" yet? I will probably catch it in 2012 or something when it feels less morbid to watch. I still haven't watched "The Dark Knight" due to a similar train of thought.

Chickens, tell me something interesting, i need some entertainment before i resort to desperate means.

V x

Thursday, October 22, 2009


There's a scene in Alice in Wonderland where Alice happens upon a Caterpillar perched upon a "schroom (suspect) smoking from his hubbly bubbly/hookah (even more suspect) and asks Alice a pretty simple question for a character whose entire being is linked to harmful narcotics. Anywho, Alice struggles to answer the question (and she's the lucid one).

The dialogue goes like this:

Caterpillar: Who... are... you?
Alice: Why, I hardly know, sir. I've changed so much since this morning, you see...
Caterpillar: No, I do not C, explain yourself.
Alice: I'm afraid I can't explain myself, you see, because I'm not myself, you know.
Caterpillar: I do not know.
Alice: I can't put it any more clearly, sir, because it isn't clear to me.

So where am i getting to with this intro? Here's the thing...

Rant Alert

I am &^%$ing fed-up with meeting Zimbabweans who were born in Zimbabwe, raised in Zimbabwe, who have spent less than a freaking decade in the diaspora somewhere and have conveniently forgotten where they come from!

Now the topic of this rant is not Zim specific, any country that has a large number of it population living outside its borders can sympathise with this predicament.

Exhibit A

I live and work in South Africa and South Africa is conveniently next door to Zim. Now before Jacob Zuma so kindly opened up SA's borders and let my country men and women flow in willy-nilly, there were already a lot of us here.

If the United Kingdom is our Harare North, then without a doubt Johannesburg is how Harare South.

Zimbabweans are as ubiquitous in the South African workplace as vuvuzela's are to any Bafana Bafana matches. When i meet a fellow native of my homeland, its no longer a big deal. I am very well aware we aren't gonna be best friends and skip off into sunset but we will do is acknowledge eachother, ask the standard questions zimbos tend to ask ("what school did you go to", "which part of Zim are you from", "Do you know [insert random name]") to establish common ground and then it's business as usual.

I don't feel there's any reason to hide where i come from...then again, its not like i could, my name is an instant giveaway. However, there are two of my colleagues with anglosaxon first names who would prefer not to let their citizenship be known to other zimbabweans when we are in the office, at other clients or in general social settings.

This irks me to high heavens. You have no idea...okay, you may have a slight idea.

These little shape-shifters are hellbent on trying to fit-in to their adopted nation and pander to the citizens of their adopted nation, all at the expense of turning their back on who they are and where they come from. They have no interest in affliating themselves with their past/history/traditions and thats fully translated in their whole demeanor.

I'm a firm believer of "When in Rome, do like the Romans" and experiencing new things, new cultures and people who come from a different background from yours. I'm not saying its mandatory for you to affirm 20 times a day to everyone who's listening, who you are and where you come from.

All i am asking is that when someone asks you where you come from, you look that person dead in the eye and just as casually declare the country of your origin/birth...even if saidcountry is under fire in the media, even if said-country is the laughing stock of the free world.

The bottom line is that its YOUR country and if you can't be proud of where you come, then you need to take a long hard look in the mirror my friend.

Rant Over


Random Ramblings from Yours Truly:
  1. I'm not sure how i feel about this album cover of Ms Fentyn. It looks like Disturbia revisted. Haven't heard the track yet, i'm a little scared to, to tell you the truth. Any of you heard it yet?

  2. Finally caught District 9 the other night, it had been a minute since i'd visited the inside of a movie house. I really enjoyed the movie! It was part comedy, part drama. I can see why the Nigerian government banned the flick (although in all honesty, there was only one Nigerian, the rest of his henchmen were clearly South African but i guess the rest of the world wouldn't get that).

    The afrikaans accent was killling me softly, spent the whole time chuckling. One of the sad things is that all that footage of those shacks and informal settlements that are District 9 are for real. Everyday citizens of South Africa calls those asbestos and tin creations home, there's nothing fictional about that.

    As for the movie, I smell a sequel and quite honestly, i can't wait...those poor little displaced prawns need to get home ek se!

  3. Corrinne Bailey Rae is releasing a new album by the end of the year. I am so happy. Was starting to think she would never come back *gulp*

  4. I'm doing some serious catch of shows i've missed in the last few months! I'm going into hiding over the weekend after having visited my local Woolies for sustanance to pull me through.

    What shows or movies do you guys enjoy watching when you need some serious downtime?


One more day and then the weekend is here!

Have a great weekend chickens and just remember, when life seems hopeless and you can't seem to go on....think of your crush/significant other with no panties/boxers on :-)

Works every time. True story.



Monday, October 19, 2009

The Greatest Show on Earth…well, almost.

There are four of us wondering around the office this morning sporting goofy smiles, drinking large amounts of coffee and generally looking like we could do with another 3 hours of sleep easy.

The ladies and I caught the Keri Hilson and John Legend concert last night, separately, but our experiences all sound pretty much the same.

John’s performance was stellar. To say he seduced a room full of women is putting it lightly…very lightly. Now, I am a fan of the man but before last night, I wasn’t really that big a fan. Yes, I liked his usually popular tracks, but wasn’t losing consciousness at the thought of his concert. However, after last night, I understand.

For a pocket sized man, he packs a charismatic punch! Geez, I was tearing up in certain parts, swooning in others…it was emotional. The friend who I’d gone with was watching him for the third time and you wouldn’t know it from all her hooting and hollering.

John Legend is a professional who delivers the goods each and every time.

It was an absolute pleasure…not the greatest show on earth, but pretty darn close.

Side note: I am TOTALLY hating on the girl John pulled up from the crowd to slow dance with! Nelly if you are reading this, i am sooooooooooooooooo happy for you (read: it should have been me biyatch, lol).

Miss Keri Baby wasn’t bad either but she’s still a toddler when it comes to this music game, but I have high hopes for her. She’s witty, freaking gorgeous and knows how to engage the crowd. She was a likable opening act…

Unlike a certain Ms Ella-ella-eh-eh I watched perform in the same venue, over the same weekend exactly 3 years ago. Wow, she was bad. Her performance was about as limp as a discarded banana peel lying on the side of a road in 35 degree centigrade weather!

During the concert I compiled my fantasy-will-turn-into-reality list of artists I need to see perform in the not-so-distant future:

Jay-Z (again)
John Mayer (like duh)
Alicia Keyes
Justin Timberlake
Kanye West
Mariah Carey
Lily Allen

Mmmh, I’m sure I have forgotten someone off that list, but there you have it!

Have any of you watched anyone off of my wish-list? And which artist would you give your left kidney to see perform?

Holla in the comments!

What a load of hot air: If you’ve been following stories in the news then I’m sure you would have come across the whole balloon boy fiasco.

Clip notes: A family in the US who use hot air balloons to conduct “scientific” experiments believed that one of their hot balloons that was “accidentally” let loose contained their 6 year old son. Said son was found alive and well after the po-po shot down the hot air balloon, found no child…speculated said-child may have fallen out, only to realise said-child was chilling at home…in the attic.

Anywho, now it turns out that confessions have come forth and the parents are guilty of leading everyone and their dog on. No reason has been provided for the publicity stunt, and I doubt any explanation going forward will actually make sense.

Attention mongering has reached new lows…
Return to Innocence: Whilst partaking in some activities of the pampering kind (read: I was getting my nails did), I sh*t you not, a father walked in with his two daughters who looked about 8 and 11 years old. He’d brought in these little princesses to get….wait for it….under-arm and leg waxes.

Are you freaking kidding me! Come ON!

I may be out of touch with what’s what when it comes to anyone born after Mandela was elected president of the Republic of South Africa, but I don’t think any girl-child should be partaking in such rituals until a) she actually has bodily hair that requires removal and b) she has outgrown Hannah Montana, Care Bears, jumping ropes, giggling and all those other things the pre-adolescents engage in.

Childhood clearly needs to make a comeback!

Hope you’re all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this Monday morning chickens.

Here’s wishing you an awesome (and that’s sarcasm-free) day.


V x

Friday, October 16, 2009

It's Rex Manning John Mayer Day

The day after one's birthday is such an anti-climatic event.
After the fairytale night of wining and dining on my bhava-day, coming into the office is feeling like such a non-event. I am sipping on a sugar-free Red Bull courtesy of a very intuitive co-worker, according to him, i look like sh*t.

Random side note: This sugar-free Red Bull is very very suspect.
I'm looking at the ingredients: Glucuronolactone, Xantham Gum, Taurine...and all i hear is "liquid heroin". Oh and how can you proclaim to be sugar-free if you include ingredients like "caramel" and sweetners in just saying.

So where was i again?

Ah yes, I hate the day after your birthday. I feel like the runner-up beauty queen, i feel like Jacob before he swindled Esau of his birthright, i feel like how Joe Bidden must feel everday....
Ah well, here's to another 364 days and counting.

Today isn't a complete waste of a day 'cause it my future baby daddy's birthday today, yaaaaay. Why do i know this...ummm, well cause i probably know WAY to much about this man than is probably healthy, hehehe.

So i've managed to fight my stalker instincts and not send him a happy birthday tweet (the older i get, the more i must resist my groupie tendencies). Instead i will wish him a happy birthday from the safety of my blog and list my favourite John Mayer tracks, in no order of priority.

Feel free to holla your fave JM tracks if you're a fan....and if you aren't a fan, what the hell are you waiting for mheni, get on this train already!

The List:

  1. Comfortable
  2. Stop This Train
  3. Something's Missing
  4. Daughters
  5. Back to You
  6. Bigger than my Body
  7. In Repair
  8. Split Screen Sadness
  9. Vultures
  10. Say


Compensated what? Did any of you read the article on CNN about school girls and grown ass women in Hong Kong having sex with strangers in exchange for money that is used to buy them stuff that a) either their parents aren't getting them or b) stuff their peers have and they want too.

Now i don't know why the article doesn't just call a spade, a spade. The last i heard, any monetary exchanges in favour for sexual favours is called Prostituition. They want to sugar coat the situation and call it "compensated dating", huh, nice euphemism but we ain't buying it.

The authorities have a big problem on their hands, something's very broken with the family unit if you notice your 14yr old come home, blinged to max and don't suspect anything of it. These girls wouldn't have a chance in hell if they'd be raised by an African mother.

Firstly, they would have already been thrashed into the middle of next week, sent to extra bible studies or confession, sent to the bhundu's/gwasha's to chill with their grandparents till they knew what's what...then thrashed somemore and had their movements monitored going forward till the year 2097.


Let me get back to work...or attempt to look like i am working ;-)

Have a wonderful weekend chickens!


V x

Thursday, October 15, 2009

iBirthday Yami

Now this could be a coincidence but i swear the traffic was that much lighter on the way to work this morning 'cause it's my birthday...scouts honour!

Usually my birthday arrives and i get caught up in the giddiness of it but this year's birthday is an extremely reflective and more meaningful one.

You see, a year to the day, i was miserable! Everything was off! I was hanging out with people who i could barely tolerate and vice versa, i was still pining for a lost love, i was trying so hard to fit in that i lost myself in the process and my job was stressing me.

In the months that followed things got even worse, to put it lightly. I have never in my life been in so low and so a dark place...

And then i saw the proverbial light.

Light came in the form of family who wouldn't allow me stay down...i have some of the best siblings anyone could ask for. They're fearless, they're bull-shit intolerant, they're my constant cheerleaders yelling for me on the sidelines, they are the truth tellers who don't waste their time mincing their words.

They challenge me, they inspire me, they motivate me, the cuss me out when necessary (which is often) and despite all this, they love me and that's all that really counts.

Light shone from my true friends.

When sh*t hits the proverbial fan its a good time to look around and still see who's standing around with you. You'd be shocked. Those I'd put my faith in had all but crumbled at the nth hour. However, those who remained by my side were the biggest shock of all. Their love and support is the type that tends to go unnoticed and underappreciated. It shamed me that it took the worst situations for me to finally realise the true value of their love and friendship!

The most unlikely light came from you my chickens on blogville!

It's hard to explain to people who don't blog, follow blogs or even know what a blog is the happiness i gain from mine. I find myself referencing your comments in everyday conversation like i've known you all for years (i get many random looks from people for doing this). To those of you who've come back here regularly and shared your ideas and thoughts, i send each of you a heartfelt cyber hug and thank you for keeping me going and supporting me in the most unlikely way.

So the theme for this year's birthday is Gratitude...dare i say, i'm not even bothered about what gifts i get as i realise that making it this far is a gift all in itself.

Okay, enough gushing from me, i'm now getting emotional :-)

May you have a blessed day chickens, that is full of light, love and laughter!


V x

Monday, October 12, 2009

Keeping Up Appearances: The Lengths Some of Us Will Go To

TMI Alert: I may or may not reference events of a gaseous nature.

Picture the scene.

It’s a mellow Saturday night and you and your boo are bunking down to some vegging on the couch after inhaling many carbs and meat products. Thing is, you are gluten-intolerant but momentarily forgot this while scoffing a plate full of pasta, as you were surfing a dopamine-high and feeling invincible.

Until the rumbling in your tummy reminds you that you ain’t no super woman and pay back is a b*tch. You realise that a trip to the bathroom is imminent. Thing is, you're at your boo’s place…were privacy is relatively non-existant and trust me, you need privacy - sound-proof, nobody in a 10km radius type privacy and that’s pretty impossible.

Sweat beads collect on your top-lip, time is running out, so you enter into a hypothetical conversation that goes like this:

You: Laying it extra thick “Babe, can you go upstairs please.”

Your Boo: Why?

You: Rolling eyes ‘Cause I need to use the bathroom, duh.

Your Boo: Looking very confused “Ummm, I don’t get it. Why do I need to go upstairs if you need to go to the bathroom? Just go.”

You: Exasperated beyond all belief “Sweetie, just indulge me on this one please. Just go upstairs.

Your Boo: Looking at you like you’ve lost your damn mind "I’m not going anywhere."

You: Realising subtlety won’t win the day “Listen, I need to drop it like it’s hot and chances are tremors may be felt and heard in neighbouring countries. I could really do with privacy ‘cause stage-fright is a huge possibility.

Your Boo: Convulsing in fits of laughter “You’re impossible. Go already…I’m not budging.”

You slink off in defeat to do your business but five minutes after arrival find out that stage fright has taken a hold of your senses...and bowels.

Nothing happens.

For another five minutes you have an internal debate with yourself. One part of you (the solid practical part) tells you stop being silly and go already. After all, this is a natural part of life and everybody does. However, a rather insistent part of you (largely influenced by glossy magazines and random drivel) urges you to fight the feeling as it will strip you of all your mystery and make you undesirable - yah, don't ask.

Thankfully, practicality wins the day and you emerge ten minutes later, ten pounds lighter with a skip in your step.

Now, this incident I’ve described above is pretty common judging by my research. I have a friend who can’t go unless she’s at home. This means holidays tend to be bowel-movement free and painful towards the end. I have married friend who after five years of marriage claims her husband is none-the-wiser about her need to “drop off the kids” as this event tends to take place at 3am every morning when said-husband is out for the count.

Ridiculous as it is, this need to keep up appearances manifests itself in a million different ways; from my boy’s ex-girlfriend who would wake up an hour before her alarm went off to “put her face on” and brush her teeth so he wouldn’t see her in bad light to women friends who believe a man should never see you putting on your make up as it robs a woman of her “mystery”.

The madness must stop people! We must keep it real…okay not too real, but you know what I mean right ;-)

Holla in the comments with your stories or experiences in “keeping up appearances”

This Ain’t American Idols People: The girls and I went out on Friday night to get our Karaoke on at Monte Casino. The process of picking a song is so overwhelming, the choices are endless.

When I come across a song that’s a strong contender I have to mentally go through the whole song in my head to weed out any suspicious high notes lurking about – I will save Mariah’s impossible tra-la-la’s for the car ride to work and back thanks. So after making selections (Madonna’s “Material Girl” and Jamelia’s “Superstar” got through the selection panel) we waited our turn.

Eh, where we just not shocked.

I think we picked the “I’m-no-amateur-and-wouldn’t-mind-a-record-deal” night ‘cause people were blowing that mic up in a way that deserved Grammy’s. Sure, one or two people sucked but I’d say 90% of the people who went up to perform, killed it. Talk about putting pressure on the rest of us folks, of average singing talent (expect in the shower where the acoustics are always amazing).

After a couple cocktails nobody on my table cared whether they could hold a note or not…thank the heavens for alcohol, the great equaliser tranquiliser :-)


Today is a coolish, overcast day in the City of Gold. It’s what I’m calling an “Empire State of Mind” day = mellow and uber chilled with a slight shower of nostalgia expected in the late afternoon.

Have a great one chickens.


V x

Friday, October 09, 2009

Sound Bytes & Brain Farts

What a week chickens, what a week!

24 hours in the day just isn't enough anymore. Feeling stretched thin is a bit of an understatement right about now. I wish i was one of those human beings who could get by on 3 hours of sleep then i would be sorted. Sadly, i'm a 7-8hrs kinda girl so my time management skills have been severely tested.

Here's an urban legend i've personally debunked for y'all: Not all women are good at multi-tasking.

Yes, i am pretty lousy at it. My co-worker told me i'd make a lousy mother because of it (thanks buddy). So i've realised that instead of doing a thousand things at once and getting nowhere, the one-task at a time approach is the way forward.....

Thought i'd share.

The versatility of black hair is outstanding...truly it is!

When my hair is not stressing me to high heavens, its usually my source of delight and joy. After losing patience with my short pixie do that was higher maintenance than Ivana Trump herself, i decided that i would return to my braid roots. Braids are the black woman's staple, when all other hairdos fail (perm, relax, weave, corn-rows) getting your hair braided is your fail-proof contingency.

My current fail-proof plan residing on my head took all of 12 hours (yes, 12) to get done - supposedly i have a lot of hair, no sh*t. It is also a rather interesting shade of golden brown meets red...Now that wasn't intentional, but as you know, haggling with one's hairdresser who believes they know best, is a futile exercise. She just kept saying, "Trust me, it'll look great."

No truer words were spoken. It's been 5 days since i became a red-head and i love it. I have something to blame my temper tantrums on (finally) and i've been pre-positioned enough times to get a bit of ego, "I walk like this 'cause i can back it up"


He's awesome.

I love him.

And now he's a Nobel Peace Prize winner....imagine that.

This is the first bit of positive news i've read about Obama in weeks, it's official to assume that his presidential honeymoon is over....waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over. With SNL taking a stab at him recently, he's no longer the media darling and is "fair game".

I just pray he proves his critics wrong...hopefully sooner rather than later.


October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month so.........
Feel yourselves up!
If you feel odd about feeling yourself up
Get a friend to help you

Be Vigilant!
So Whitney's back and i think i'm the only person who doesn't actually care. Seriously. I prefer the pre-millenium Whitney but anything thereafter, count me out.

I'm a MC girl all the way :-)
Public Service Announcement

Just in case you needed a gentle reminder!
Have a lovely weekend chickens!

May the sun shine down on you, the DJ play "your song", good looking strangers compliment you and your bank balance reflect six figure digits!


V x