Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Spring Fling: "It's a Celebration B*tches"

The heat, she is here!

You don't understand how *&^%ing happy i am!

Seriously, you don't understand!

I am even willing to overlook the negatives that Spring comes with. "What negatives" i hear you gasp, lets just say:

If Spring was the hot chick guys were trying to score at a party, Pollen would definitely have to be her less attractive side-kick, that men would have to actively tolerate and try to win-over, after all, one doesn't come without the other :-)

This weekend was chocker-block with pre-Spring celebrations! I am still recovering from the "joy" experienced. The common theme at the two main shindigs i attended was some sort of Ode to Michael Jackson, it being his birthday weekend and all. Friday night involved me and twenty other party people being taught the moves to Thriller (i believe our rendition could easily eclipse those Filipino prisoners who have shot to YouTube fame) and Saturday night was the celebration to end all MJ celebrations (note to self: 5' killer heels are not moonwalk compliant).

I have officially made peace with MJ's passing and don't want to hear another one of his track till the late 2010 thanks!

How did you say your last goodbyes to MJ this past weekend?

"I can be brown, i can be blue, i can be violet sky": So am applying for jobs in more creative industries and environments than i currently work in now and am finding it difficult to say, "Hey, hire me, although my CV reads like a dork, trust me, i'm the real deal."

Trying to be everything on paper is doing my head in right now! I didn't realise the true extent to which The Man and his Corporate goons had sapped my creative lifeblood, i should have done this 5 yrs ago...ah well, the struggle continues!

It's sorta Gone: I am a little behind in the blogging stakes, how is it possible i only blogged 5 times last month??! Anywho, here's some meaningless piece of information that you can do nothing with...i finally cut my hair, its gone...i'm not bald or sporting a buzz cut, more pixie than buzz...but yah, its gone...and i miss it a bit, not so much when people tell me i look cute though.

It's Really Gone: Speaking of hair removal (warning: TMI sharing) i decided to woman-up and do the whole bikini wax thing, except i may have gone brazillian instead...okay i did go that way, but i didn't realise what it entailed. I though i had a high pain threshold, but if you had been waiting outside the spa room i was in, you would have thought that someone was slaughtering a piglet in there! I made such unattractive, high pitched "Ouch, you've got to be *&^%ing kidding me" squealing kinda noises.

Women, why do we do this to ourselves! Why?

I swore, i blasphemed, i cussed out Cleopatra (somehow i got it into my head that she's the root cause for this practice).

Geez, it was real!

But you know what, i'll probably be back on that spa bed a month from now with the beautician chickie catching a major eyeful as she rips off that hot wax and i howl in pain....women *smh*

Ladies, care to share your thoughts on the subject?


It's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay past my bedtime chickens, but i had to get my blogging fix! Ooooh, follow me on Twitter on @vimfromzim if you miss me too much in future ;-)

Have a fab Hump day tomorrow :-)


V x


Anonymous said...

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Well I hope to hear from you soon, and or read about you….LOL



First time here, nice blog..

Myne Whitman said...

Brazilians are the b*tch aint they? Huh!

Hadassah said...

hahahaha @ brazilian wax. I will never try that I will stick to shaving. Sorry for laughing but just remined me of 40 year old virgin. @ MJ I am so over the dude. Good luck on your new job prospects girl! And welcometo the all natural and short hair club!

Vimbai said...

@Jess: Wow, that is one of the most polite comments i have ever received on my blog!

The art of writing letters is a dying art form! Thanks for stopping by and i will definitely hop on over to your blog and check it out.

@September: Hey chica, thanks for paying me a visit. I can't help giggling though...Miss September found me in September, hehehe, its a sigh damn it :-)

@Myne: Ummm, technically speaking no-one is a b*tch, just me "borrowing" one of Jigga's lines is all.

But yah, that brazilian was a *&^%$ for real - hahaha.

@Hadassah: But you must try it, just once...i am not alone in the "THey lied about the pain" department.

Thanks for the well wishes!

Oh and my hair is indeed short...but not natural. Shamwari, my 'fro is too crazy to handle on a day to day basis, so i had to sodium hydroxide (relax) it.

One day i will leave it natural *vim gazes off into the distance for dramatic effect*

K said...

Long comment alert (there's so much to say!) lol

1. LMAO @ pollen being the unattractive sidekick but so TRUE!

2. If I lived somewhere with no sun I would kill myself...I really would.

3. I feel kinda bad that MJ's b'day weekend passed me by didnt even realise it was his b'day...

4. Yay Im glad you are finally getting out of there dude your creativity needs an outlet.

5. Ugh Im going for my wax next week *psyching myself up*...I dont know if its a problem for you in S.A because over here not many ladies are experienced with the African ladies & apparently according to my friends mum who does mine there are different waxes you use for different races because hair texture is different.

6. as for the hair...I wanna see a picture!!! Short hair great for summer...low maintenance, cool and oh so effortlessly chic.

p.s Now that I dont blog anymore you need to blog way more its essential!

Vimbai said...

K: Waxes for different textures, ummmm, i haven't heard that but its definitely true. The chick who hooked me up is Indian, i will ask her next time i grace her presence.

When i lived in Zim, i refused to have it done there, i had this fear that that poor lady who would have to "attend" to me would turn out to be a relative of sorts and tell my mother - yah, don't ask.

I will take a picture after my next touch up, right now, its a bit of a mess (my dhuku/scarf keeps falling off in the middle of the night).

PS i still haven't forgiven you for leaving blogville...i can't even bring myself to remove you from my blogroll *sniff sniff*

munhu said...

spring was a tad overdue...i always refer to that killer Saturday maybe a month back where i ran to the Game for extra heaters and found the shelves almost bare !!! Damn Ass Cold !!!

Good luck with the job hunt - I wish you well. May the luck that you sent my way come to you now that I am in my new job.

a woman who takes care of herself will be taken care of. muff diving is so much easier when the bushes are fewer or not there at all. further when one is presented with a well manicured garden one is automatically compelled to treat the garden with the same care that the owner does to show appreciation.
having said that - I too like to keep my own garden well kempt.

Vimbai said...

Munhu, i am killing myself here at your garden analogy!

I am very happy that you prune your shrubs, so many men neglect to do this, i mean come on guys! If we can do it, you should to! Its more hygienic and looks prettier :-)

TMI Alert....nothing worse than hairy balls *shudder shudder*, i am just putting it out there!

K said...

Reading Munhu's comment if he had not said he did some manscaping I would have brought it up but good on you Munhu...what's good for the geese is good for the gander...

@ V HELLLLOOOO I so get the whole dont tell ma you are waxing...my mother would never understand, she didnt get g-string's and their purpose so Im sure that brazilian waxes she will just think Im a damn problem!

munhu said...

Vimbai - you know when you visit one of those cribs that look like hotels you ain't goin'a leave your towels on the floor even if noone is watching you...ditto a well manicured garden...you will pull out your A - game when you presented with a Chelsea flower show Blue Ribbon contender...
hairy balls itch a blinder when you sweat while playing sport or even when putting in a particularly good gardening session...so they just do not lok bad...they may get in the way...I am just saying....

munhu said...

g-string = access

K said...

@ munhu I feel this is a topic near and dear to your heart! lol

ShonaVixen said...

LOL!!! This just reminded me of a conversation i walked into in the ladies room @ the club on Sunday...the Brazilian or the American..I was amused as this chica spoke about her American experience..LOL!!

lol @ with a Chelsea flower show Blue Ribbon contender...haa Munhu K is right...this is close to ur heart zveshuwa..lol!!

Vimbai said...

@munhu: LOL, i see someone has a penchant for thongs and manicured lawns (hahaha, that rhymes)

K: I don't think i could ever have the conversation with my mother...although if i threw "It's purely for hygienic purposes" she may just buy it...mmmmh, not likely though.

@Shona: Where are the pics from the weekend iwe!

We should ask Munhu what the requirements are for a Blue Ribbon contender, this is some hilarious ish!

Super star! said...

Well well well, i dare say spring brings on this here blog new perspectives.

As for the matter at end iwe Vimbai dont alienate some of your readers who prefer finding their way in the bush

Vimbai said...

Never a dull moment on this blog these days, lol.

Super, if you are a Bush man, then kudos to you mate! Please share with us the merits of the bush, as Munhu has dwelved so, umm, descriptively into the merits of the manicured lawn.

All male perspective is welcomed :-)

Tiavi said...

I thought it was basic courtesy and good manners to maintain attracive landscaping...? Surely in this day and age we should not force our house guests to navigate their way through shrubbery and thickets?

Super star! said...

Oh how the mating game has changed. In an era not so long, a woman was enamoured by a man of valour. Valour gained slaying a lion, head butting buffalo’s and tearing a crocodiles’ mouth apart with his bare hands. When, with just his voice his enemies trembled with fear. He did not need any encouragement to lay in this bed. A man belonged in the bush, not because slaying lions and chasing leopards was his purpose. It was practice, a way of honing his skills for the ultimate prize. And now, the prize comes running to him, oh wait just in case he misses it, let’s clear the forest.

Deedza said...

Vimbai i am PWL now, it had been too long since u had blogged i was about to email and be like how far...

This issue ye harare gardens and landscaping ya netsa(its a problem). I was having a conversation with someone who insisted that trim tidy bushes were a must, no OVERGROWN VEGETATION
Now my comeback was iwe if there are no visitors there is no dam point right let the vegetation grow and the comeback was like no you never know when the president is gonna visit and wants to hang around, you cant be oh wait while i landscape you have to keep it always on lock......So in case of unexpected visitors keep the gardens manicured you just never know

But i applaud for going under the wax i still don't have the guts... but one question do you have to pre trim before landscaping or can you just rock with overgrown vegetation??

PWL @ SUPER STAR with his african bushman analogy

Oh in case you were wondering what PWL its my new phrase im trademarking in place of LOL which is so overused

PWL-Puttering with laughter
or the shona translation Putikaring with Laughte

K said...

@ Dee I think its best you trim the garden before you get the professional landscape artist in. It a)saves time waxing
b)sometimes you are charged extra for the amount of vegetation growth they need to hack through so it saves money to trim beforehand

@ Super since you are not adverse to overgrown vegetation there are other forms of landscaping where they leave enough of an area to have a trademark ie initials, a heart etc etc as opposed to a bare garden.

all in all I think trimming the garden/overgrown vegetation should be done more for yourself than likely visitors. Because how do I put this delicately...SOME people are visitors to their own garden & find it easier & more appealing to nagivate/sight see/check up on their garden to see that the view& garden is in fact ok. lol

(If you dont get what I just talked about email me because eish Im not going into further details for the last bit) lol

Vimbai said...

@Tiavi: Thickets, i love that word! NOw i am getting some not so great visuals of, ummm, dense under bush of THICKETS, lol.

But agreed, it is common courtesy.

@Super: "A man belonged in the bush", this phrase is killing me!

So are you saying that women are making the "chase" or "kill" too easy for the average man by clearing the savannah?

@Deedza: Awww you missed me, *sniff*

You must pre-trim before deforestation, coz supposedly it hurts more if it isn't! If in doubt, go through rocking your bush and the beautician chickie will probably assess whether to do a pre-trim there and then.

Gardens should be well kept regardless of whose dropping in.

PS I may jack(steal) your PWL acronym, its tickling me :-)

@K: Tis a sad day indeed when people are strangers to their own garden, sad day indeed! It reminds of a passage from Alice Walker's book, "The Colour Purple"

Charged extra for pre-trim, eish, Australians are serious man!

munhu said...

TMI Alert -
I must confess this is a subject dear to my heart indeed. I have been known to wilt at the sight of grannies a.k.a vistor's sheets a.k.a parachutes and also rainforests !!!!
Supa...i hear you but i reckon you are taking the piss unless of course you "do not go down like that". firstly one the beauties of sex is to be able to appreciate that part of the female anatomy that facilitates the enjoyment of sex...from thence the nectar of pleasure doth flow. now how does one admire the delicate folds and glistening petals when there is some elephant grass all up in there?? i for one am not one to find enjoyment in removing ticks off a cat with my mouth - and a mouthful of hair is just not on...talk about a mood killer...i bet removing strands of hair with a tooth-pick is a passion banisher let alone killer...
@ K and D - you are right that the garden should not only be cared for for the benefit of others - for yourself too...
I have had the pleasure of tending to a garden lovingly, trimming the bushes, massaging petals and exploring folds, admiring the shine and drinking the nectar...there cannot be too many such pleasures awaiting a man in this life.
But hey Bundu Bashers to their own. I just ain't one of them.

Super star! said...

Seriously how can a prey chase the hunter, throwing a campus just in case. For the uninitiated read my earlier post, but take time to nibble the pearls of wisdom. @K do you think you will have enough energy and time to do your own hunting after encountering a man who slays lion, head butts bufalos and plays with crocodiles for practice?? But alas, with little men of today, quick to profess karma sutra skills forgetting that this book was written by observing men of the jungle. No India man was allowed to consummate a princess until he had slayed a tiger.
As for you munhu, we need to talk, its nice to nibble once in a while, but a hunter devours. Next you will be telling us consummation is supposed to be a clean pristine affair.

Super star! said...

Did any you of you watch Zorro, if so you might have learnt a few interesting lessons about courting a woman.

my favourite quote, and i have a special prize for anyone who can name the scene

" he was very vigorous father, very vigorous"

munhu said...

@ Supa - ahh mate I devour what is set before me...you better believe that...to qoute Woody Allen - when sex is done properly it is a messy affair (not quite the exact words but this was the sentiment) and I believe that.
Supa - uchadya panehonye with the hairy approach !! female grooming is important. if you think not like i said before Bundu Boys can go ahead and Jit Jive in the Bundu tonight !!!
@ V - p.s I think I know someone with Hairy Balls - no Supa do not put up your hand LOL !!

ShonaVixen said...

Haaa...PWL @ 'UCHADYA PANE HONYE!'....Guys thanks for making my morning!!!

K said...

@ Munhu *dead* ...ati Bundu boys & everything in your comment LOL. You are my hero *swoons*

You two(Supa & Munhu) have left the grooming topic to now debate how a man must partake of the fruits of the garden...to nibble or devour. Like I said before this is CLEARLY a topic V that the boys could have a beer summit over for months to come!

Vimbai said...

I am finished, wanna comment, don't have time, am sneaking peeks at the convo's while on training!

I love you guys, you've made my day :-)

munhu said...

@ Shona - glad to bring a smile to your face
@ K - the reality is that I am not going picking tomatoes etc in an unkempt garden - as I said before I have been known to "wilt" when confronted by dense shrubbery, long grass and trees worse with the accompaniment of grannies....
@ Vee usapera just yet. Supa has designs on you.

p.s I miss the Bundu Boys now...lets jit jive...lets stay alive...in the bundu tonight....

ShonaVixen said...

@Munhu - thanks for now making me sing along...Lets Jet Jive, Lets stay alive...even the beats and tuma guitar twacho..or is it gitare?..LOL!!

@K - this is a *DEADED* moment!!..lol...

Super star! said...

@ Munhu, there is a reason why they call us babamunini Francis. we tie up the loose ends...

as for honye, a hunter knows which fruit is ripe and which one is rotten.
remember, honey is more palatable scooped with bare hands from the hive. such dexterity! none of this branded product suggested by k

K said...

@ Super star ....erm to get the honey the bee keeper smokes the hive out aka CLEANS that hive out! Then he goes in and scoops the honey... no matter how sweet the honey its not going to taste too nice going down if there is little bumblebee stuck to the back of your throat now is it?

Deedza said...

Time difference inobhowa I woke up pwl at you guys exchange!! Munhu takes the cup on grannies and honye!! @ supa clearly you are man of old ways none of this modern nonsense to each his own!!@ V gold stars for this tpoic keep em coming love

Super star! said...

They you go, Bee Keeper. Is this a result of too many years in western society? I suppose to slay a lion we will have to consult the Zoo keeper, he will nicely barricade the animal for us, ensure its been tamed and instead of using a shot gun/ spear etc we will use injections- then the animal rights folks will come an inspect and ensure the animal's "rights have not been violated"

@ Munhu, you might get this next line, " mhuka yemusango"/special meat, cannot be tamed, and the killing cannot be dignified. to borrow your line, ndapedza (i'm done)

Vimbai said...

Dee, you must stay up shamwari!

Munhu, if Supa has designs he's gonna have to wait for the dense undergrowth to return, hahaha.

K: The bee analogy is killing me, sha, swallowing a bee or it get caught between your teeth is a NO NO!

@Shona: What dance moves are you doing to the Bundu boys track.

@Super: You're a throw back for real! Do you cut your own wood in the winter time and go hunting with a bow and arrow...hehehe, but that doesn't match up with your Velvet and Tweed persona.

So modern man on the outside and hard-core native on the inside!

You are advertising falsely iwe!

tiavi said...

Quote: "admiring the shine and drinking the nectar..."

Are you lewd gentlemen using straws?

munhu said...

@ Tiavi any man - gentleman - will know that the nectar of a womans' loins is lapped up...straws...humph? no way !!!

Super star! said...

@ V what are you on about?

i love hunting and i go very often. After all david didnt just wake up one night and decide to slay Goliath.

Deedza said...

Look what you people have started


I cant get enough.....

Funms-the rebirth said...

lmao @ all the comments......oh well, im headed to d spa tomorrow for a Brazillian.....

Vimbai said...

@Tiavi, Munhu & Super: Straws, Lapping, Nectar, Hunting....seriously, you peoplo should be on a talk show or something, these comments and analogies have been PRICELESS!

@Deedza: Whats the clip about, firewalls are raining on my parade here!

@Funms: Go and get that lawn manicured girl, lol!

Joe Black said...

Eh, darling, want to know why you go through the waxing thing?

Cos you know we prefer to eat from a ... ahem ... clean plate! LOLZ!

Lu said...

This is by far the GREATEST BLOG EVER....wow...!