Wednesday, September 30, 2009

All Thai'd Up!

When you part with good money to get felt up, it better be good = Cue a nice little Thai Massage parlour nestled in the hills of Northern Johannesburg.

Lotus flowers floating in glass bowls and a relaxing foot massage were what met my girls and I, so far so good. We got cute little linen karate-type outfits to wear and lay prostrate on some zen-ish type mats waiting for individual Thai masseurs to work their brand of magic.

Black magic that is!

I'm no stranger to this particular brand of relaxation given my penchant for swedish and hot stone massages, but this Thai one was another story. Here's a few things i learnt:

1. I don't think it's normal to hear the cracking of bones when one is trying to relax, it does not instill any confidence in the person literally handling you.

2. There's something physically stifling about being stood on! I don't care whether it sometimes felt good...its violating on some primal level.

3. Being borderline narcoleptic has its merits, when the pain got too intense i sorta passed out, my form of escapism.

4. It really shouldn't be called a massage if the process doesn't involve essential oils of some sort.

5. Don't be deceived by the look of those delicate Thai ladies, these chicks will have you whimpering for your mummy in a matter of minutes.

6. *ahem* The butt massage was kinda nice...am just saying.

7. Always Google activities you intend on participating in but are generally clueless about...expectations should be managed up-front.


So would i do it again? Probably not. Life's too short to get literally walked all over, lol

That's my story and i'm sticking to it...but i'm open to any opinions or suggestions you may hold on the topic ;-)

-----------------------------------------------------------------


Let the record show that the group formerly known as Destiny's Child can now officially be absolved of any future victimisation given their prior ejection of LaToya and that other chick none of us remember, 'cause after the stunt the Sugarbabes have just pulled, there's a new renegade girl band in town!

With the hostile removal of the last pioneer Keisha Buchanan, this girl band really should go by another name, i propose "Those Other Chicks"

-----------------------------------------------------------

Here's a list of topics this week that i'm too weak to write about...too weak:

1. Bob's interview with Amanpour on CNN this past week *smh* - (Paula Abdul's lyrics come to mind, "Two steps forward, two steps back").

2. The Kardashians...why are these people famous? Okay we know why, it all started with a sex tape and now one shotgun wedding and a bun in the oven later, they're all famous? WTF? I'm still waiting on Reggie Bush to get some sense.

3. Airline Tickets: I've complained about this before but what's with the excessive airport tax and misleading prices. The figure you see before the tax looks reasonable, one click later and BAM, the number has doubled due to airport tax!

4. Getting older...my birthday is creeping up and you'd think Doomsday was approaching. I feel like hibernating for the next fortnight to re-master the Master Plan.

Feel free to add to this list: What topics or people have are making you weak this week?

-------------------------------------------

The last quarter of the year is upon us, can you believe it? Ordinarily October is my favourite month of the year, for obvious reasons, and i'm hoping this month lives up to the hype...impending birthday blues and all.

Keep smiling chickens and always remember, when life hands you lemons...insist on exchanging them for chocolate at the very least, lol.

Love,

V x

11 comments:

Myne Whitman said...

LOL at the thai massage, any guesses why you liked the bum part? :):)

Keisha is out of the Sugarbabes? New name def, none of the oldies is on there anymore.

Are you October baby too?

Vimbai said...

@Myne: No guesses needed, it just felt nice is all...butt massages are the future!

Rumour has it that Keisha was the trouble maker all along who get everyone else before her kicked out, ah well, the karma came around full circlei guess.

I'm indeed an October baby, the 15th to be exact. When's your day?

Hadassah said...

Happy Birthday Vimbai! Well in advance lolol!

Well I wouldlike to answer the Kardashian one, If their Dad was alive today he would have disowned Khloe and Kim. He did it before when Kim married some black guy. Hell I think the man isrolling in his grave right now. I heard theirstep dad caught a fit about this wedding he is not really happy about it. But he can not do anything though he ain't their daddy. I hope their brother does something way better with his life. Kardashian women including their mother are attention whores lol! Phew!

K said...

How am I only hearing about Khloe now? 4 weeks? People are taking the piss re: marriage... Im weak by this WEAK!
Things that have made me more weak though:
1. Tpain drops a ballad apologising to Jay Z...SMH...so sad...
2. why do women tatt themselves up for guys? I dont care if he puts a ring on it his name is not going on my body
3. Jermain Jackson trying to revive his relevance via the death of his brother....just ugh smh
4. Ri Ri aint a singer anymore she's a clothes horse...a good one but Im hating on her...yes I am..lol

Thai massage hey? you just put me off...essential oils are the persuasive reason for massages!

Vimbai said...

@Hadassah: For real, their dad would be have laid down the law...then shipped them back to Armenia into some arranged marriages!

The mother is the problem, she encourages this BS, but to each his own i guess.

PS THanks for the advance birthday wish!

@K: Clearly you are working hard if you missed the Khloe shot-gun wedding coverage. In tinseltown, marriage is the new dating, didn't you know, hehehe.

As for the things making you weak, what's the name of this T-pain ballad...and why is he kissing ass to jigga, mmmh.

The only names you should be allowed to tatt on your body should be your own, your children's and possibly your parents...thats it.

Jermaine...eish, no words! I think LaToya is the worst of the bunch though.

Don't hate on my girl RiRi, she's working those styles, she should start a line or something!

ShonaVixen said...

Hey chica!!
Thai Massage - never had one done and surely wont be rushing over to lastminute.com to book one after that!
I was freaking out before my birthday but now I'm comfy with my new age and loving it! Happy birthday in advance china xxx

T-Pain knows he's shouldnt be getting in Jay's bad books..why do I just want him to carry drinking his drink and stay in some corner!!

The Kardashians - SMH..I want to slap Reggie Bush, a good African slap for that matter!!

Sugarbabes - who are they again? Keisha's voice was the one I could hear and know its her..Good luck to her on her solo career hope she makes it!

Tattoos - I've met a woman with a big ROGER on her back and i asked if this was her son's name and nonchalantly she said 'Oh no its this fool i dated years ago, dont even know where he is and m stuck his name on my back!' WEAK!!

Jermaine Jackson - is like a Madame Tussauds wax figure..his face and hair just look waxy..wonder how many jars of gel he goes through in a week!!

Vimbai said...

@Shona: Thanks for the lovely long comment, something for me to read while i am sipping on my tea!

Reggie must be slapped, he's foine...but stupid.

The Roger tattoo just reminded me of that song, "Over, over, over, stand-by...roger confirm". Now i can't stop laughing, lol.

SHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, waxy he-re? Shaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, that diss is so...well true. Is Jermaine the father of the guys from 3T, coz those boys really look waxy...wonder where they are now?

Anonymous said...

kadarshian women are like status symbols right now, if you're a black athlete whos stashed up, then you need a kadarshian by your side... they help you become more famous, which gets you more endorsement deals and all that good stuff that pays bills.

i know that none of you would know reggie bush if he wasn't kim's ex-man! so having a kadarshian by his side is definitely getting him some attention!... so, he's not stupid. i would do the same if were him (i know you're women and all, but have you seen kim's behind - lawdy lol). and besides reggie had many side-pieces, its not like he was in love with kim or anything - so give the man a break

thai massages get better with time.. keep going regularly.. they help the body to tone-up! lol

Jermaine is just grabbing onto whatever he can to get himself some fame, and hopefully money to clear his outstanding bills. its not like he killed somebody! and 3t are the fruit of Tito's loin.

sekuru vaTawanda

zimchic said...

Vimbai...re: Thai massage- google is your best friend...listen to Sekuru va Tawanda and go again. Test it out for us earthlings the way you did the bikini waxing...report back when it becomes tolerable. Until then I will stick to Thai food
Damn now I wanna date a Kardashian...status symbol huh?? When did a handbag for women or gas guzzling car...for men become inadequate??

The Girl with the Red Hair said...

Any particular reason why you like the bum part.

Those Kardashians chicks are just dumb to me, they just do not have direction. But hey that got them famous.

Happy Birthday in advance

Vimbai said...

@zimchic: Yah, maybe we need ourselves a kardashian...NOT. As for the Thai massage, KWETE/NO, i shall not be doing a repeat performance of such any time soon.

@Red: No particular reason, it just felt nice *ahem*