Tuesday, September 15, 2009

100 Ways To Be A Good Girl (This Is Definitely Not One of Them)

Disclaimer: Any family members and close friends reading this may want to opt out of going any further, this may be a little too TMI for y’all. But if you keep on reading and decide to bring it up in future conversations or meetings, please note, I will play dumb and deny, deny, deny :-) You have been duly warned.

In a blog post that I wrote a few moons ago, I asked you, my chickens, what was making you happy and I got a series of responses including one where a reader professed that her pet rabbit was making her happy.

“Pet rabbit” I thought, “How sweet” and proceeded to asked the blogger what the pet rabbit’s name was whilst I envisaged pictures of fluffy bunnies hopping in green meadows on a summer’s day.

Fast-forward about 5 comments later and these Bugs Bunny visions of mine where quickly dashed, turns out the said “pet-rabbit” making this reader smile was in fact her rabbit shaped vibrator…umm, yah.

For someone with a mind that has its own zip-code in the gutter, I really missed the boat on that one.

Over the next few weeks, a series of unrelated events led me to believe that pet rabbits are fast becoming the most popular domestic household feature, second to the microwave (God Bless the microwave).

Initially, I confess, I didn’t understand the fuss! I was raised to be a very good Catholic-African girl after all– so effective was my up-bringing that when I heard one of girffriends bragging about her new pet, one of my first thoughts was, ‘Won’t they make you go blind?”…okay I am joking about that, but you get my drift:

Good black girls don’t do such things…or do they?

I am proud to announce that good black girls everywhere are the proud owners of pet rabbits…octopi...parrots, you name it. I am also pleased to announce that quite a few black men are avid endorsers of this initiative by black women to, ummm, save the animals, hehehe. ;-) Whilst doing some investigative research *cough* for this post, I conducted interviews with some brothas that proclaim to know their way around a power tool, if you know what I mean….daaaaayum *vim fans herself*

What kind of amateur journalist would I be if I didn’t experience the goodness of providing a pet with a home first hand? I am now the proud owner of a bottle-nosed dolphin called “Flipper” that makes me smile.

I believe the world would be a happier place if there just a few more animal lovers in it *wink*

Are you or your significant other pet owners? If not, are you looking to adopt anytime soon?

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Black people, come on! What the heck was going on this weekend? Kanye was throwing Cognac induced temper tantrums at the VMA's, Serena was showing her Compton roots on the court (i suspect Common had something to do with that) and Lewis Hamilton came 16th or something ridiculous like that at the Italian Grand Prix.

K summed it up best when she said to me, " I think this week is "I wish a B*tch would do something to make me mad" week in our black community, world wide.

Now i can forgive Ye just about anything and yes, he did have a point, Bey should have taken that prize away, like John Legend twittered, " Side note: It's slightly weird that you can be a female and win Video of the Year, but not win Female Video of the Year." Conspiracy theories aside, Ye's hijacking of Ms Swift's moment was not the way to go about raising his concerns.

We know he's still grieving and find his solace in the form of a one Amber Rose (*smh*) and some Henessey...but bra, he's running out of excuses! At least he didn't "Chris Brown" Taylor and hastily apologised within 24hrs... the backlash will be minimal. Until then, Mr West, please get it together!

As for Serena...it was just one of those days i guess!

Thank goodness for the likes of Whitney Houston (back from the brink and telling all on Oprah), Tiger Woods (tearing up the greens and back better than before) and of course Jay-Z...

Speaking of Shawn....


Blueprint 3 is sold out everywhere in Jozi, awwww, and i am doing my head in trying to find it. I refuse to get a bootleg copy, i want the real deal...that's how dedicated i am to the cause.

To those fortunate souls who've heard the brilliance, is this album being overhyped or is it the real deal?

Holla in the comments!

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"I had the time of my life, and i never felt this way before": RIP Patrick Swayze

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Have a great Tuesday chickens!

Remember that when the world gets the better of you...consuming a can of Creme Soda on a hot summer's day can right most wrongs.

True story.

Love,

V x

20 comments:

Rene said...

i dint get wot u were talking about at first.
BP3 is the shit! I got bootleg sha...hehe

Vimbai said...

LOL, hope i didn't scandalise you :-)

If i don't get BP3 in the few days, i will have to go in search of the bootleg item...i need me a serious Shawn Carter fix like yesterday!

So what are your favourite tracks on it thus far?

Anonymous said...

u r going to go blind. hameno hako. hakuna varume here ikoko? kana kusina dzokai kumba - there are plenty of real rabbits to go around.

Sekuru vaTawanda

Vimbai said...

To non-Shona speakers, Anon has so kindly suggested that i return back to the motherland if there aren't any men in Jozi. Supposedly Zim is chocker block full of real rabbits.

Eh, thanks for that comment Sekuru, but you do know vibrators aren't necessarily used due to the absence of a man right?!

Futi my eye sight was shot long before i purchased one of these bad boys - ie i have nothing to lose!

Myne Whitman said...

Animal lovers? LOL what a nice euphemism. Ehen!

RIP to Swayze too.

JayZ and B are def the couple to beat. I like her more than him so don't know the song you're asking for. Sorry.

K said...

Um Anon let me hip you to the game- Why real Rabbits fail where toy Rabbits dont:

1. Toy Rabbits dont speak back or say insensitive things like "wow baby you're getting a bit rotund"

2.Toy Rabbits will never stop because they have a stitch, a phone call comes in etc etc. Its stops when you are done with it, it starts when you are not.

3. Toy Rabbits dont beg you incessantly for "playtime" even when you are not in the mood. They dont mind if you neglect them and wont find a new owner even if you dont "play" with them for a few weeks.

4. A toy rabbit takes direction. In fact it appreciates a woman's knowledge and advice about how to get to the desired "destination"

5. But the best thing about toy rabbits is that they can be bought online, it takes 5 mins to find, visa, mastercard all major credit cards accepted...posted to your doorstep in inconspicuous packaging and can be given to female family and friends as gifts and most importantly if a toy rabbit aint running around the play pen as it should be your money back guaranteed.

Tiz all for now *drops mike and bows*

Hadassah said...

lol, I got lost about the rabbit thing now I get it lol!

Kanye his behaviour completely unacceptable. Blaming his behaviour because he lost his mom I do know if his using that statement as a scapegoat or people just grieve differently i do not know. All I can say is I do not see J hud going crazy on people cause she lost her entire family.

I think he needs new PR and drop that chick Amber Rose.

Anonymous said...

lol, i've always wondered about those pets...i can't seem to comprehend how it works tho' like doesn't your hand hurt from holding and working it? :-/. I mean the vibration is one thing but the in and out nko? biko forgive my ignorance. lol

Anonymous said...

@Vim whenever u r with the dolphinz and rabbitz u cut the supply of 'luvvin' to eager Jozi men & they end up committing sins that cause them blindness..

Inga ite nyika here ikazara mapofu?

@K guilty as charged ahaha! u understand real rabbitz!

Sekuru vaTawanda

Vimbai said...

@Myne: I love Bey but her man, eish, *swoon* They're definitely a power couple, too much awesomeness in that twosome!

@K: You killed it, you have won "Best Dramatic Exit in a Blog Comment!"

We all got schooled today :-)

@Hadassah: For real, J Hud hasn't lost her mind, so Ye needs to stop using his mum's death as an excuse...coz the patience of the world is running thin!

@Anon: Ummm, not sure if i am talking to two Anon;s or what (why don't you make up a name and use that it sign in - its less confusing and more personal...just a suggestion).

LOL, as for how it works...why don't you google it dear Anon, although its pretty straightforward...as for one's hand getting tired, i could ask you the same question, "When you jerk off, does your hand ever get tired or fall off" - Enuff said.

The gentlemen of Jozi aren't getting cut off from nothing...unless they make a vibrator that one can cuddle with and whisper sweet nothings, then men are in trouble!

ShonaVixen said...

I loved my rabbit...yep I said LOVED as in past tense and can be addictive too (ok they do say too much of anything aint good for u right??) I got tired of it BUT lemme say once in a while I whip out dearest one and it makes me smile!! Gosh such multi-tasking doing 3 things all at once with the turn of the switch..and yep rechargeable batteries are the ish!!LOL!! And the GREATEST gift is when you have some-one who knows how to work the rabbit...ooooh la la now such men know that by incorporating this essential one they will never be replaced by said toy! *fanning myself and making a call*

@Blueprint 3 - I heart Jigga!!

@Serena - it was one of those days

@'Ye and Henneygate 09 no excuse for the foolery but Taylor Swift sure must be happy coz before then I didnt know who the heck she was and yes please Kanye help her!! Waiting for a 'Ye & Taylor Swift collabo..yes m still a 'Ye fan, i remember when he called out that ol Bush during Hurricane Katrina and yes I love his music too...(shoot me!!)

Vimbai said...

@Shona: Eish, i was fanning myself by the end of that description Shona, can you say SPICY!

LOL @ "Henneygate 09". Now that you pointed it out, i am beginning to suspect Ye may suffer from Tourettes Syndrome, what's with the random outbursts shuwa!

But yup, i can forgive him anything! When i first saw the Love Lockdown video, he just looked so sad curled up on the couch...he just needs to heal sha...and soon!

Ye forever!

Oh and Taylor Swift is such a sweetheart and for real, her career aint suffering from the exposure (she has a gorgeous voice that one).

But what's with the backlash with Obama having been caught "off record" calling Ye a jackass for his stunt. Can't a president have his own personal opinion, and a pretty spot-on one at that. I am just tired of Obama being picked on over nothing these days...people have clearly forgotten the past daily foibles of "Dubya" (George Bush)...now he was a joke!

Eish, okay i've ranted enough, just had to vent.

ShonaVixen said...

@Vimbai - BTW I'm baaaack!!!

Vimbai said...

@shona: About bruddy time iwe! I had even deleted you from my blogroll thinking you were gone for good!

Yay :-)

Funms-the rebirth said...

i love my purple rocky rocket......... bliss!!!!!!! thsnk God for this invention

AND YES BP3 is great........

Vimbai said...

They've got rockets now...inga, NASA must be very proud, lol.

EIsh, my search continues for a legit copy of BP3...until then *sniff* i will perservere, lol.

ShonaVixen said...

*whispering* ' Have you tried itunes? or just head over to limewire..oops u said legit so stick to itunes'

Vimbai said...

You need to work on your whispering there baby girl, lol!

I want a physical CD and downloading from iTunes aint an option, it won't let me buy nothing, i've tried countless times to download...hameno (i don't know)

enchante said...

Hey Vim its been a while
you cracked me up with this one, i should consider turning into an animal lover real soon particularly for the reasons K gave!

Vimbai said...

Enchante, shuwa, its been a while hun :-)

K killed it shamwari! YOu can tell people with lawyer-ing training, damn convincing folk!

Get a pet, it will change your life...now getting it past Zim immigration may be a bit of a problem though, hehehe.