Monday, August 24, 2009

Stomp that Divot, Girl!

When friends suggested I go and check out the South Africa vs Canada Polo Invitational with them, I couldn’t help but have larney daydreams involving me in some polo-esque get up (think Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman flaunting that timeless brown and cream polka dot creation), schmoozing under some marquee and attempting to improve Zim-UK relations with Prince Wills, while giving that Middleton chick the evil side-eye.

Come Sunday morning, there i was, all prettied up and raring to go, only to be informed by my very wise mate that a) Hypothermia was a high possibility in what I was wearing, or rather, not wearing and b) Prince William would not be attending (he apparently had better things to do, hmmph).

Are any of you polo fans?

Prior to the match yesterday, I didn’t have a clue of what to expect, other than men on horses brandishing lacrosse-styled sticks and chasing after a little ball. That little picturesque notion was quickly dashed when after 10 minutes of play I was ready to run on the pitch and plea on behalf of the horses and tell the riders they were out of their damn minds!

To say this sport is dangerous is putting it lightly; the speed, the aggression, the poor little horses, complete with braided manes, getting pummelled by recklessly wielded mallets and ball….I was finished.

I blame the lethal doses of Sangria I imbibed that afternoon with the deadly combination of sitting in the blaring sun for my heightened emotional state. To say I was cooked is putting it lightly (read: cheap date).

Thankfully, there were other things to distract me from the match and the alcohol, one them being the varying degrees of outfits on display! Oooooh, some ladies got it very right with their neutral toned figure hugging dresses, wide brimmed straw hats and cute heels. Bravo ladies! And then…eish, then there were the other ladies who instead of channelling Ascot or the like, were clad in offensively bright or sheer club-diva outfits = Epic Fail.

Another distraction involved my girls and I trying to figure out why the players weren’t 20 something swarthy looking Latino types with cheekbones that could cut-glass? Jilly Cooper, you bare-faced liar! It seems that the average age for most players is 40 and all that exposure to the sun and elements can do bad, bad things to one’s skin. Always wear sun screen kids.

I walked away with only one unbusted polo myth yesterday, and that was, those players had some serious buns of steels. Can I get an Amen!?

Leave Caster Alone: So she has no boobs, an 8-pack, facial hair and a deep baritone voice, She’s still a chick…right!? Until the results prove otherwise, any speculation surrounding Ms Semenya’s gender leanings are just that, speculation.

Sure, it doesn’t help that her parents gave her an extremely ambiguous, gender-less name; a simple Caroline Semenya or Crystal Semenya would have added some much need softness to her overall demeanour.

I am also quite surprised that in her professional career to date, that some sort of examination or medical certification hadn’t been conducted to refute any subsequentmanly allegations (she’s supposedly put up with this kinda controversy and confusion all her life).

It’s just so sad that in the wake of her impressive athletic victory, all that training and sacrifice has been eclipsed by gossip of whether she’s a woman or not.

Poor Caster *smh*


Ooooooh, Monday is nearly over chickens, and there are approximately 7 days left till Spring is officially here *sigh*

The glass is well and truly half-full :-) Have a great one!


V x



I went to polo match in Lagos when I was much younger. I do remember enjoying it though.

Per Caster - yes, they need to leave her alone. God made us all and made us all incredible and unique. She looks the way she does and should not be chided because she worked hard to be successful. I find the pressures being placed on her to look a certain way to be despicable. She is only 18.

Hope all is well, babe.

Hadassah said...

I still have mixed feelings over the chick Caster after seeing her in an interview. I was so convinced that she is a woman but that iterview let me wondering is she really?

Vimbai said...

@solomonsydelle: I must say, for an 18 yr old she's handling all this speculation with great aplomb! Most people would have crumbled and turned to narcotics by this point. We are definitely all made unique!

@Hadassah: Her interview definitely threw even her staunchest supporters off!

Eish, only time and medical test revelations will tell ;-)

K said...

Amen to the buns of steel!

As for Caster smh @ the the left to the left please... when she started to win stuff it was a problem I bet they were content to leave her be when she wasn't coming in first.

In saying that my bother mad an observation yesterday that some women based on their looks dont fit the descriptive card of what it is to be a woman. I mean if she had shaved, wore a weave, some make up I bet you there would still be some controversy over her looks. Besides she's an athlete...look at Serena's physique she had a hard time too.

K said...

P.s Happy Sprinter babe...not quite the end of winter not yet spring

Super star! said...

well done V you are officially certified. Unfortunately you seem to have caught on lately, but i'm sure with great gusto. As you would have observed Polo is a pedigree sport and usually confined to the land lord society. The rules are pretty simple, its were the over 40 overachievers find time to court young lasses in their mid-twenties. Its a show to showcase their "assets"

Far from being 40, it would be foolhardy for a young lad like myself to partake in such activities. I do well in charming young ladies- literally have them eating out of my hand without trying. I don’t need a stallion to prove my virility, I am the stallion.

Vimbai said...

@K: At least Serena has t*ts and a*s to give her that womanly look.

I am quite happy with her trying not to fake the funk with weaves and false nails etc, she's being true to herself after all.

PS: Sprinter - i like that term!

@Super: So i've cracked the royal nod from Super himself, ummm thanks i guess.

Tell us more about your successes in the "Charming young ladies" category.

Super star! said...

@ V

A gentleman never tells.

K said...

ah shame that a gentleman never tells only alludes to the fact... hence never really getting any concrete evidence just his

Maybe if Caster is a man then thats she/he goes by the gentlemen creed of a gentleman never tells...

Super star! said...

@ K, my credibility is beyond reproach. i thought we had established this by now.

those that have had the pleasure of my company will attest to my impeccable charm.

K said...

*GASP* Why Super I would never question your credibility I was merely noting that your word is all we have to go on.

Im sure every lady who has ever been in your company has surely been amazed at your charm.

Ive never been in your company so its never happened to me...

Vimbai said...

@Super: A true gentlemen doesn't go around claiming how charming he is, you must be modest iwe!

Gentlemen *snort*

@K: LMAO @ your Caster comment of a "true gentlemen never tells", K, it's murdering me, lol.

If we can't experience Super's suave tactics, we must at least get references from credible sources!

Super star! said...

"Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us."
those of the literary persuasion will remember this memorable quote.

@K, do not in the least think i haven’t seen you chuckle at my jokes, nibble my words, lip biting my every comment and that soft utterance SUPER ka!

@ V : the irony must surely be striking. Your little adventure at a polo match should've been revealing. Men of immense means but of little charm take time to parade their virility using horses as bait, extra tight pants to exhibit and perhaps accentuate what little missile’s they have. Yet here i am, able to catch your attention ( at times breath) with just words. Like i said, i am the stallion.

munhu said...

ahh ahh ahh nhaiwe Supa - zvowototsvetsva Vimbai padzimudzangara rekompuyuta tose tichiwona. Ini ndatsinzinya ini !!!

Once again Supa please translate for V and K.

Vimbai said...

@Super, i hope you aren't equating yourself to Mr Darcy, if so, "Fie on you!"

As for all the other stuff you mentioned, once again, if world domination doesn't work out, you've got an illustrious career ahead of you in erotica...i was fanning myself in some bits there, lol.

@Munhu: Stop alienating my readers/commenters (and me), you must translate what you're waxing about in the vernacular!

PS Is there a potential bromance growing between you and Super? Highly suspicious ;-)

Deedza said...

Iwe Vimbai how many of your chocolate friends were at this event? Polo is for the birds lol.. at least there was nice tasty beverages

Zva Caster- ok my question is what kind of tests will they actually be doing? Like all she has to do is bisa brugwa(remove her thong he he) and you can tell right there and then right? saka what exactly takes so long to determine. She is just a butch chick i mean she does look suspect but i also think Serena looks suspect also.They hating coz the chocolate people are just winning they gotta steal our glory somehow(ok maybe not i just like to throw the race card)

Vimbai said...

@Deedza: Iwe there were plenty of ama-chocolat brothas and sisters, for the birds chichacho, you must diversify your social portfolio, lol!

When they talk about tests, all i can think about is my A'level Biology and learning how every cell in a woman's body contains a Barr Body (google it), the official genetic signature to tune you're a chick.

Other see she has ovaries instead of testes? To check she isn't one of those rare peeps with a chromosone condition that would make her XXY instead of simply XX.

Where would i be without Grey's and House for the additional in-depth medical knowledge ;-P

Deedza said...

eye but vimbai so then what we are saying is that she has dubious parts then because there would be no need for extra chromosonal barr body chakuti chakuti tests if they did a visual inspection then right. The PLOT THICKENS

iwe polo is for the birds!!

K said...

*swoons* Im glad you finally noticed it took you long enough *side eye*

Not to be controversial but Im glad you brought that quote up as that was my Lit exam question in my final year. So let me just point out something or more so ask...

When you say that other people have enjoyed your company because they believe you to be charming. Is that not a mixture of pride & vanity? Pride because you or proud of your own ability to charm the ladies hence your reference of it & vanity because you are trying to convince us to think you have this wonderful charm which we personally have never experienced.

@ Dee & V ugh this world we live in ka not even what we see before our eyes is considered has to be tested. Methinks this is indicative of the lack of faith in this world. We dont believe what we cant see, yet what we do see must be proven to be seen with tests. SMH

@ Munhu I await the translation

Super star! said...

@ V, how can i possibly equate myself to mr Darcy. My Darcy's only commendation in life was inhereting Permberly, and possibly the small gesture of protecting his sister ( something every man should be doing anyway). There is nothing to envy there, my type is the kind that Build the Permberlies of this world, so that our grandson's may have it easy wooing young hearts. Can i be as bold to say that without Permberly, Elizabeth's heart would never have been partial.....

I look up to man like Genghis Khan. so i dont alienate your readers, wiki would be a good start to find out more about this man. Mr Darcy..."fie on you Vimbai.

@Munhu, LOL, she cant help herself.

@ K. Pride and Vanity; You have to understand the background in which the novels were written. It has nothing to do with our understanding of pride and vanity but more of social/political commentary by the writers in this time. In a class society, the aristocrat was higly vain and looked down upon the lower classes. The writer's objection was to differentiate pride - as what a man/woman has achieved in his/her own right from vanity which is nothing other than having the right name/class or society and using that reason to be proud.

in today's society. A man is vain if he believes simply by being British he is better than everyone else. or because he is british therefore he is charming. However, if a Man has shown to be charming and many experienced his charm, then he has every right to be a proud charmer....

Lu said...

Firstly, POLO is just gay....I dont care what prestige comes with it...Its just gay...And I am a track and field junkie...This person, i call him/her that coz i dont know anymore..I watched her debut race a few years back and she or he didnt look like that...I think she took on too many injections that had the wrong hormones or she worked real hard...The truth is, she is female...I am basing this on the fact that when he or she runs, you dont see umm the love below swinging or anything..(PAUSE)

Deedza said...

ey whats this argument everyone is having i know its over a book, whats the book i also want to throw in my 3 cents

Vimbai said...

@Deedza: So your girl Caster seems to have 3 times the normal level of testosterone floating in her vains...i am now figuring she's a steroid junkie (how unoriginal).

@K: Eh, what literature or book are you and Super discussing?

Yes, we live in a world that is low on faith and big on the science of things (empirical evidence always required) - a lot of Doubting Thomas's wandering around (myself included).

@Munhu: Where's the translation mheni!

@Lu: Your Love Below comment is tickling me here, i am now gonna refer to all Gonads as such!

And as a Gay Rights activist of sorts, i would like to point out your misuse of the word "gay"!

Gay refers to being happy/content or being may want to find another adjective in future sweets :-)

Emilia said...

FYI I love polo everything about the sport fascinates me but on to Caster

Everything says that person is a man...
1) her name caster what kind of name is that ?
2) Her gestures
3) her voice
4) Her body the way she runs
I was so convinced that caster was a man until her mom's interview on BBC. I changed my mind when i saw her .... Anyway I love how the South africans are supporting her dont you?

Lu said...

Polo is not gay...Its just not ummm...Well, its..The thing is...Polo is just not straight...

munhu said...

@ V & K....sorry will stop alienating other readers however somethings just sound right in vernac - I was saying why does it appear as though Supa is getting his mack game on right in front of all'n'all. I will shut my eyes to give him some privacy!!

Vimbai said...

@Emilia: The South African support for Caster is in full swing! Until those results are produced (if they havent done so by now), they're behind their girl full they should. Patriotism man!

@Lu: The words you are looking for are "lame" or "shady", take your pick :-)

@munhu: Thanks for the translation :-)

Vimbai aka Visha said...

Jilly Cooper lol you kill me. God I remember her books and the continuous adulteries and upper class going-ons. Castor poor child having to deal with allegations of harbouring a peen. Does anyone know the verdict btw??

Vimbai said...

Hesi kani Vimbai! I knew it was a matter of time before a fellow countryman pitched up with my name. We are many after all!

Am asking around and noone has the final verdict on the Caster story...suspect!

Vimbai aka Visha said...

Same here talk about excitement when I saw your blog. Takawanda it seems or maybe not that many on the blogosphere. How is it going??

That Castor business is just a hot mess. Wonder what would have happened if she had'nt won? Probably left it as it was but she won then all hell broke loose mmmmm