Friday, May 08, 2009

Hey Mama

This Sunday officially marks Mother’s Day, but who are we kidding here, every day is Mother’s Day.

In Zim, the very common slang term for one’s mother is “Queen” as in, “What am I getting my Queen for Mother’s Day” or “Eish, I must not forget to call the Queen this Sunday or my a*s is grass.” ‘Tis a very fitting term for the woman we all owe a lot too…and who doesn’t let us forget we owe her a lot, lol!

K over at The Tattoo Journal blog recently wrote the most hilarious post outlining her mother’s hardcore methods in keeping her in-line when growing up. I love her post ‘cause it outlines how mother’s will not think twice to use questionable means to hit a point home and how their lessons always come from a place of love (they care that much).

One particular memory comes to mind when I think of mum going beyond the call of duty to teach her offspring a lesson. This scenario doesn’t involve me, but my brother and went a little like this:

At the tender age of 11 (or was it 12) my brother had discovered the fairer sex. His attitude had gone from “Girls, yuck!” to “Girls, girls, girls!” Anywho, it was round about this time that he and his cronies discovered that snogging was an entertaining past time and their days were consumed with finding willing female participants for their “social experiments”.

At some point it came to light that one of my brother’s willing female partakers was in fact, not being as exclusive with her spit as she had lead him to believe and was instead running her own social experiment.

Now my brother and my mother have a very close bond, as mother’s and their son’s usually do, so it was no surprise when my brother on learning his fellow spit swapper was the neighbourhood strumpet went off to confide in my mother.

Except this time, his “pal” was not amused and was going to make sure that he a) Learnt that all forms of sexual promiscuity would never be taken lightly and b) To up the calibre of his girlfriends in future.

My brother did not get the sympathetic ear he was hoping for; instead he got a trip to the doctor instead.

My mother, in cahoots with our family GP, drummed into him the dangers of all forms of sexual engagement (supposedly, this includes kissing) and how fraternising with multiple partners would increases his chances of being exposed to HIV/AIDS.

If that wasn’t enough, the family GP (on strict instructions from my mother) then put my brother on a 60 day course of ARV’s to drum the point home. Okay, we later learnt that they weren’t actually ARV’s but sugar tablets, but bloody heck, my brother’s 11 year old bones were rattled to say the least and my mother certainly got her point her across.

I believe every mother’s MO is “Through any means necessary!”

To all mum’s and mum’s-to-be, here’s hoping you have a fantastic day and get spoilt rotten!

To my mummyI love you to bits; thanks for loving me back, keeping me in line, being there for me and teaching me the beauty of compassion, faith, forgiveness and love.


Have a fantastic weekend chickens, keep safe and don't forget to show your mamma some love!

Love,

V x

6 comments:

ShonaVixen said...

I remember when I was 8, in boarding school my ol' Queen would visit every weekend and when i was walking with her back to the car we'd be sing that song 'Pahushamwari wedu, tega tega zvedu hapana anotirova nehubosi(what's hubosi nhai) wedu'..LOL!!OOOh and when in high school she told the school matron she was useless and pathetic..LOL..my mum's CLASSIC and definitely my ol QUEEN!!
Now lets all start sing 'Mama' by Boyz2Men

Random Thought though, is folks who on Sunday will have Happy Mother's day to their mothers on Facebook and yet their mothers arent on FB..i always think just call ur mum and tell her not us!!! Or am i being extra??..LOL...

ShonaVixen said...

and just for the sake of it lemme scream FIRST!!!

K said...

Look at you screaming first at your age surely....lol *very bitter that at my age I am miffed that my top spot has been taken...I'm ALWAYS First! Huuumph*

awww thanks for the mention V, glad you enjoyed tales of my childhood misery...lol

Can I just say your mum has got psychological terror to a science (Im sure Dr Phil would have something to say about telling your kid sugar tablets are ARV's)...roping in the GP...and the GP also without scruples! lol

Vimbai said...

@Shona: Hahaha, your mum sounds FIERCE, tuning out school matrons and everything! I wonder if we'll be as fearless, only time...and babies will tell i guess!

Oh, and i would like to think those peeps sending Mother's Day FB status shoutouts have already called their mothers...but yah, tis a bit of a summary in general.

K: Pyschological terror is the most effective weapon mate.

The family GP is a hoot, that man just has jokes. Before every checkup it's mandatory to spend at least 15mins discussing House, Grey's or his rock band with him before actually going into what's wrong with you - you see why he was a great accessory to my mother's plan.

LENORENEVERMORE said...

This year it was more special cos' we almost lost her...Thank God she is alright now... Enjoy reading your post. Fabulous week to yu dear! Cheers to all mommies!!

Vimbai said...

Hey Lenore! Glad to hear your mama's on the mend, how scary. God is good indeed, here's to 2nd chances!