Friday, January 30, 2009

Friday Haiku & Not Much Else Really



Drip drop splosh splash splish
Weather like this
Makes me feel like a fish

That's a Vimbai original right thurr...yes, i know, i know...stick with my day-job right :-)

I swear if it keeps raining the way it is this side of the world, I am gonna grow some gills or something!

And thanks to said-humidity, my hair has acquired some extra volume that my well placed hair pins are having trouble controlling. Just as well that I’m paying my hairdresser a looooooooooooooong overdue visit tomorrow.

I am dreading the scolding I’m gonna receive when he sees the state of it, you would swear sometimes that it was his hair sometimes and not mine, the way he takes it all so personally. Although instead of dramatic hissy fits, Jeff just throws ama-disapproving looks and therein lays the difference. You see Jeff is a straight up red-blooded male who just happens to cut hair.

The phenomenon of the male heterosexual hairdresser is still quite foreign to me. What hetero-male actually want’s to deal with women’s hair, day-in and day-out, and care at that. Yes, yes I know I am stereotyping here, but I just find it fascinating. I don’t’ know why I find it more shocking than say, a male heterosexual fashion designer…the difference should be the same, but it’s not really, well not in my head.

Gosh if my brother decided to forsake his rugby-clad-capitalist-money-making dreams and become a hairdresser I would a) keel over laughing, b) Advise him that his father will attempt to beat such dreams out of him and c) Ask him what style hair-cut would best suit me and whether my split-ends needed a trim.

I would eventually get over it, the way I’m getting over Jeff’s career choice, after all, the man works miracles. I’ve learnt the age-old lesson that one’s gender and sexual orientation really has nothing to do with your job-choice…except maybe…am kidding, what boys can do girls can do better and vice versa (that makes absolutely no sense, but i'm gonna go with it) :-)

6 + 8 = You Do The Math: News update, so it turns out those octuplets were born without any fertlisation drugs after all. That’s not really the newsy bit though, the newsy bit is that new mother of eight, is already a mother of…six, making her the proud owner of a brood of 14. They could start their own soccer team and everything!

Hela! Maybe Brangelina can help her out and take a few off her hands, hehehehe.

Only in Africa: Check out this link if you are in need of a chuckle - http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/7853656.stm - my favourites are pic no. 4 and 10. Be sure to read the captions, they’re just brilliant.

Have a great weekend chickens, Come Rain or Shine!

V x

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Singin' Dem Hump Day Blues

Eish guys, today is dragging, this ama-bedroom-rainy weather is not conducive to work productivity! I'm really trying to keep it together but am failing dismally.

The only thing entertaining me immensely at the moment is hearing the bickering happening in the office cubicle next to mine! I have many gripes with open office plans, but today i see the plus side....ie hearing heated words exchanged! So unprofessional, yes, but extremely interesting to listen to.

What's the worst thing you've ever heard or "overhead" at work?

I think mine was hearing somebody fart, definitely the worst thing i've heard...or smelt at work, lol.

Eight is Enough...More Than Enough: I am so weakened, i'm sure you've all read the story of the woman in California who has given birth to octuplets...OCTUPLETS!

Guys, if you found out you or your significant other was knocked up with eight babies, chances are one of you would have to be heavily sedated for a while.

People freak out when there're twins, triplets, quadruplets even...but this is too far. Modern medicine is getting carried away, i appreciate they give hope to those who struggle to conceive but i'm beginning to suspect that healthy women are opting for it, so to conceive multiples which is quite the trend. Hollywood being at the centre of this trend...who isn't having twins?

Just think, less than 150 years ago on the African continent twins were seen as suspicious omens and killed at birth....now they're like little trophies, we've come a long, long way!

Dear John....I HEART YOU...like seriously!

My sister delivered the best news a girl could hear this week....John Mayer is coming to perform in SA this December! I literally started hyperventilating...seriously. I can't explain my intense love for this man, it rivals my feeling for Jigga.

Yes, John's love life is dubious and eish, man-whorish at best but you just gotta love the guy. His lyrics are so introspective, i own all 3 of his albums...was tempted to buy some DVD of his in concert, but now i get to watch him in person *sigh*

Now i have to devise a way in which to make sure he doesn't leave this continent without my carrying his lovechild :-) He needs to know that my body too is a wonderland, hahahahahahaha, i'm killing myself here.

The countdown begins...

Random digression: Ooooh, i saw my first lace-front weave live and direct the other day! Twas very, very realistic, but after i was told that it cost the wearer R6000/USD600 i was like, are you crazy...that much for a hair piece, you must be kidding me. I could go on holiday with that money...or buy myself a spiffy tv!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Whip out the Big Girl Panties


What an interesting couple of days! I'm guessing that y'all watched The Inaugaration from your tellies like i did last week. My friends and i made a whole song-and-dance out of it, drinks were bought snacks were had. By the time Barack actually did his oath, i was already tipsy and weepy!

In retrospect, i was quite disappointed it took all of 15 seconds and then the next day he supposedly did it again (defeats the purpose of watching it before). What i want to know is where was all the pomp and ceremony? I wanted some lengthy drawn out process with him walking down some long aisle and people bowing and curtseying, hehehe.

So the whole of last week i had an amazing friend of mine staying over with me from Zim. Made me realise just how much fun it is having company at the end of the day, it was like a slumber party every night! I didn't realise just how lonely this living by one's self gig is. In the same breath, i don't think i could do the whole having a room mate route again either, i am too "set in my way" ( said-visiting friend called it my "Obsessive Compulsive"tendancies, hey i like polishing wood surfaces at 10pm at night, its theraputic).

I didn't realise that i had got so particular till she pointed it out! Like i think its very normal to fold up empty plastic bags after a shopping trip, you never know when you'll need them. I believe bog rolls should be put into those holder thingies so the paper comes off in a specific direction, drives me crazy if it doesn't. I also sleep with my bedroom door and bathroom door locked (a throw-back reflex from back in the day when our house kept getting broken into back home).

I can't be the only one with supposedly odd home tendancies....'Fess up, what are yours?

Big Girl Brookies: I'm very good at moping about, especially good at the whole self-indulgent, woe-is-me routine. But it seems that even i can get sick and tired of being sick and tired. S

So the trick is to deal and move on.

Some things you can hold on to, other's you just have to let go, some things you work at, some things you give a rest, some things you heed whilst other times you block your ears from hearing such things...and the cliches keep coming!

Bottom line, this here phoenix is making another debut from the ashes.

The Calling: Oh more of this later, but i think i have finally realised my true calling in life! Am still doing some research and figuring out just how viable this life-career-path is, but by Jove i think i've got it! Silly thing is that its so obvious i'm suprised i didn't think of it before. Watch this space.

Random digression: Demmit, just found a zit on my cheek, i mean, as if Monday's weren't bad enough!

Enjoy the rest of your day chickens,

Mwah,

V x

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Ladies & Gentlemen...Please welcome, The 44th President of The United States


No words could sum up the pride, the hopes and the well wishing held by many people, not only Americans, as Barack Obama is sworn in as the 44th President of The United States.

Mr President, here's wishing you well for the next few years.













Okay Ladies, i finally "get it", for 2009, i want my very own Obama!

Monday, January 19, 2009

It's a new Dawn, It's a new Day, It's a new Life for Me...

...And i'm feeling good!

Ola chickens!

What's the word? This morning i woke up with extra gingers and a spring in my step, i have no idea why but i'm running with it :-)


Today we get a whole bunch of newbies in the office, more minions - muuuuuuuuuuhahaha. Nah shame, they all look a little overwhelmed and lost in translation. It reminds me of my first day of formal employment, 3 weeks fresh out of varsity... i think i wore the wrong outfit, sat in someone else's chair and basically wondered how people a) woke up so early everyday and did this gig for 8 hours a day. Fast forward four years on and i am still wondering how people, myself included, wake up so early everyday and do this gig, lol.

The Land of Oz: Over the weekend i caught Baz Luhrmann's epic story, "Australia" and was quite impressed with all three long hours of it. Nicole Kidman does well as leading lady in this epic romantic drama's and Hugh Jackman is *phwoar* brilliant playing the broody alpha male commitment phobe.

The true star of the show though is the little Aborigine boy who should be winning something for his role. The Australian outback looks quite majestic and the movie doesn't shy away from the injustices the Aborigine's suffered at the hands of the Australian Governement. All in all, go and check it out if you haven't already seen it.

Great Expectations: I am a bit sad to see Bush, mostly (read: only) 'cause who else will keep us entertained with such insipid statements and comments. Sadly that and the mess he's made of everything will be the legacy he leaves behind, and sadly, the mess that Obama spend his entire term trying to clean up.


Obama has his work cut out for him, to say the least. I just fear that there's been too much hype around him and that expectations have been set super-duper high.

He has literally become some Clark Kent comic superhero figure! The world just needs to cut him some slack and let him get on with doing as much damage control as it is humanely possible, or we're ultimately setting him up to fail, putting him up on pedestals and what-not.

That said, i WISH i was in DC for the Inaugaration tomorrow, from the reports i'm getting from that side, it just sounds crazy and so exciting! Sadly, i shall have to witness history in the making from someone's TV set :-S

Enjoy the rest of your Monday's and be good!

V x

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

'Twas murder on the dancefloor

In keeping with the spirit of new beginnings and fresh starts I decided to sign up for a dance class this year. I had got sick of staring at the brochure which I’d had stuck on my fridge for the last few months, it just served as an obvious reminder of my procrastination.

But as that dance track by September goes, “Forever and ever, Life is now or never. Forever’s gonna slow you down” so I decided to grab the bull by the horns, so to speak, and just sign up already.

I had such hopeful beginnings, picturing scenes from various dance movies like Fame, Centre Stage. I was secretly hoping the odd person there would be in a leotard, with leg warmers for dramatic effect.

So imagine my obvious dismay when I found out that my dance class was made up of myself and four other couples (although I was assured that no partners were required, urgggh) and nobody was wearing a leotard. To make matters worse, I ended up having to partner with the instructor…an energetic chick half my height.

Luckily after a few mortifying dances with the lady-teacher an idle male dance instructor came to my rescue and all was not lost. That’s when the evening picked up ‘cause it turns out if you dance with an instructor they’re less likely to mess up the steps and instead, start twirling you around and throwing in steps the actual instructor (i.e. ms lady-teacher) hasn’t even got to yet…eish, those other couples all seemed to have two left feet or some’ing.

I was uber happy my extreme dancing talents (no modesty here) were realised and I got my Dirty Dancing moment, “Nobody puts BabyVimbai in a corner!”

So my hips currently don’t lie…they just kind of hurt from all that swirling and what-what, clearly I’m getting old.

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Who’s counting? So it’s about 31 days and counting till Valentine’s Day and counting…am just saying, if you’re into that sort of thing…’cause I’m not you know. Ah, who am I kidding I love commercial, cheesy ish like that, so bite me.

Speaking of which, it turns out I’ve got my very own living and breathing Cupid hard at work these days! How’s this for subtle, my friend’s mum has been emailing me various links to dating and networking websites this week. Hau, initially I was shook (once I had stopped laughing that is) then I started praying that she doesn’t decide to up her game in her quest to find me a significant other and start handing my number out to potential hopefuls, *cringe*. Watch this space people, if she has her way, I will be hitched by year end, lol.

2000 and… Okay, I think I’ve heard them all now. This year is going by so many names;

2000 and Shine;
2000 and Mine;
2000 and Divine; and,
2000 and Fine.

And the rhyming continues, feel free to let me know of other’s I may have missed.

Be good and enjoy your hump-day shenanigans!

V x

Monday, January 12, 2009

I need a wife!

The January disease is endemic at this time of the year, but that stills doesn’t stop people from spending money and having fun…it merely slows down the process and makes people creative about things.

The first part of my weekend had me behaving and doing stay at home type things like; watching stand-up comedy routines courtesy of the office go-to-guy (that Katt Williams is a hoot), reorganising my closet..kitchen..lounge. It all feel apart by Saturday evening when I succumbed to peer pressure and went out with friends in search of mafaro/joy*

Come Sunday, money was happily parted with at big sis’s high tea shindig at (say in hushed, revered type tone) The Saxon. Famous for not only being the most gorgeous boutique hotel ever (I found it difficult to feign cool-calm nonchalance when walking about), it’s also renowned for being the first place Nelson Mandela stayed at after his release in 1990.

With the most lush type, inherently African d├ęcor going on as well as very affordable menu’s, trust me there’s nothing not to like about this place. So if you stay in the Gauteng area or plan on visiting SA anytime soon, I suggest you make a plan to check it out.
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Wanted - One wife-type figure with the following qualifications:

"Candidate must be proficient in hot-stone therapy as well as Swedish massaging techniques. The ability to speak is not necessary, a simple nod or exaggerated hand movement/gesture will suffice. Disappearing at a moment’s notice is a must-have talent for any hopefuls. Delia-Smith-meets-my-mother-esque culinary skills are a must Candidates who don’t know their way around a kitchen need not apply."

In the past week I’ve been good and actually graced my kitchen to cook edible meals. After a week of this madness, I’ve decide that this ish is overrated…like seriously overrated. I know I’ve complained about this before, but it still bewilders me that this ability to patiently wait day-in, day-out, for pots and dishes to simmer, boil, grill, bake, fry is expected of all women.

However, all women are not made equally and I am again coming to terms with the fact that I am deficient in the Oh-goody-goody-it-is-time-to-cook gene. As I proclaimed to my less-than-amused mother and father after fielding their numerous, “Mwanagu wawonda” (My child, you’ve lost too much weight**) type references, “I need a wife” because this cooking type gig is clearly not for me.

So…any takers?

Let me get into my working week, I drew up this ridiculous to-do list that I’ve promised I will get through today. Eish chickens, i hope your Monday mornings don’t bite you in the butt!

Love,

V x

* The quest for joy was derailed a bit when it came to our attention that most popular clubs in joburg were still closed for 2009, I mean really??? Dancing and mafaro were found elsewhere in "ahem" other places that will remain nameless in case I am judged :-)

**To the African mother, everyone could use an extra 5kg’s on them, easy!


Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Happy happy! Tapinda, tapinda!

Before i begin, let me get all the obligatory greetings out of the way...."Happy belated Christmas", "Happy belated New Year", "Happy first week back at work (arggh)"... and for added measure, "Happy anything else i managed to miss out."

Chickens, it feels great to be back in the blogosphere after a two/three week hiatus, i wish i could say the same about work! It's painful trying to get back into work-mode, my internal clock is all over the place, so getting up before the hour of 7am is proving to be quite the challenge after 2 weeks of sleeping in till 1pm (those were the days!).

Below is a summary of my hols:

Highlights:

* Going back home to Zim, after a much needed 7 & 1/2 mth stretch in the City of Gold, to catch up with friends and family.

* Sleeping in everyday *sigh*.

* Putting on 3 kg's thank's to mummy's cooking (awww bless) and lots of pizza (all hail the peri-peri chicken pizza from Pizza Inn) :-)

* Catching up with old friends (why is everyone either getting married or knocked up) and making new friends with other diasporans (mocking their duty-free accents was entertainment enough).

Lowlights:

* Realising just how expensive Zim has gotten now that it is unofficially, kinda officially dollarised. Where else in the world do you pay USD$20 for a large pizza, USD$10 for a chicken pie and USD$10 to jump into club....eeeeek.

* Not packing enough clothes to span a two week period. Let's just say my outfits got inventive, hehehe.

* Dialling any cellphone number close to 10 times to get through, and that's during off-peak hours!

* House Spiders everywhere...big ones, little ones and cheeky ones that refused to move and be intimidated when i tried to shoo them away!

As for New Year's resolutions, firstly i don't really believe in those, i prefer my weekly and daily resolutions, hehehe. But if i was to name one, i think it would be, "Stop riding the clutch on my car." It's an annoying habit that i really need to break or else i shall be parting with many pennies to replace my car's clutch pad real soon.

What's your top 2009 resolution?...come on, 'fess up!

Let me get back to the daily grind chickens... eish, give me strength :-)

Love,

V x