Monday, December 14, 2009

All Black Everything & 2009 Recap...

Neyo declared 2008 the Year of the Gentleman, although the stats are still out as to whether that year lived up to its name.

I was trying to figure out what the mainstream theme for this year would be?

So we had the whole recession business in full swing, which was challenging at best. It got me thinking that the better part of the year was spent in a state of mourning so to speak...and well, this topic has been exhausted and done to death. So i went in search of another theme...and the one that sprung into mind was Black Men.

No one year has been dominated by the actions and antics of black men like this since the respective years that involved OJ and MJ's trial. Think about it:


  • The Good - January 2009: Obama gets into office. That was and still is a pretty big deal. A man of colour is the leader of the free world. A black first family inhabiting The White House and proving that The Cosby Show was merely a precursor of all the good things to come. Yes, Obama will have his critics who will claim he aint done sh*t and is just a talker blah-blah, but it all comes with the territory. Barack, keep keeping on!

  • The Bad - June 2009: Wow, i'm still reeling from the shock.The King of Pop is dead and the world is a sadder place 'cause of it. Yes, MJ wasn't without his eccentries and errrr dubious behaviour, but it was his music and passion that we will remember him most for. Sleep easy big guy.

  • The Eish - December 2009: Black man down, black man down. Now we know nobody's infallible but Tigere Musango (Tiger Woods to the rest of you) sure did wind up on many a person's pedestal, mine included, and sadly the truth is out...he's just as fallible as the rest of us. Granted, he took whoring a whole new level and didn't include a sista of colour in the mix, but hey, to each his own...right.

    The moral of the story....too much money will make you lose your damn mind each and every time!

Holla in the comments what you think the biggest recurring theme was for 2009?
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As a fond writer of lists, i would like to share with you some of my favourite things from over the past year. I know i've probably missed out some monumental things and people, but bear with me...it's my last day at work and my mind is so not here.

So here they are, in no particular order or ranking:


  • Twitter: What do you do when you can't sleep and it's an indecent time of the hour to be calling the people you love? Go on twitter of course! I love Twitter, i love it so much that i've forsaken Facebook in favour of twitterville. It's voyeurism with limits...it's wit in 140 characters...it's sublime. It's kept me amused for the better part of the year and i would be a sadder person without it. If you aren't on it...what are you waiting for?

    Follow me @VimfromZim

  • The Twilight Series: Not since the adventures of Harry Pot-head and gang has a book series sent me into a state of reclusion. I was a true sceptic when my sister recommended i give Twilight a read. She lost me when her opening description was, "It's a lovestory involving a vampire and a girl....". Luckily, i was very bored one day and decided to give it a go. Suffice to say that within 2 weeks i'd cruised through all 4 books and was a believer.

    Most hilarious summary i've read about Twilight: "It can best be summed up as a tale about a girl who can't decide whether she's into necrophilia or bestiality."

  • John Mayer: If you don't know how into JM i am by now, then you clearly haven't been reading this blog that long. How has JM influenced my life in 2009 you ask? Well, his hilarious tweets on Twitter make my day and his music gets me through the most hellish weeks with a smile. I would say more, but i have a feeling that Shona is rolling her eyes as she reads this, hehehe.

  • Blueprint 3: Arguably one of the best albums dropped this year by my main man Shawn. This album is so witty...so conceited...so brilliant...so entertaining...so everything. My favourite track off of it is "Already Home", for a man who can boast one of the most solid careers and empire in entertainment, this song is his "piece de resistance":
    "so in summation I don't know who you racing
    I'm already at the finish line with the flag waving"

  • Blogville: There was a time, not so long ago, when i would blog and know that i was probably the only person (aside from well-meaning siblings) who actually read what i wrote, lol. Those were interesting days indeed, nothing like talking to yourself. This year i've felt the strongest feeling of community within blogville from all you regular readers and commentors. Your blogs and comments make my day and add to my world in a way that i wouldn't have believed possible when i started this gig!

    Big Thank You chickens *big kiss*

  • Challenging Situations: Yeezy sung it best when he declared, "That that doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger." Yes siree, there have been moments...months even, when it was hard to find the joy and delight in life. The first few months of this year were gruelling and uncomfortable. I never want to go back to that place again. The greatest thing to take away from such situations is, as Maya Angelou famously proclaimed, "And still i stand".

  • A-ha Moments: Following from "challenging situations", the dawn does return and in its wake showers us in self-affirming realisations. We realise what our priorities are meant to be, where our passions lie and our life paths.

  • Nigerian Music: So i need to brush up on my non-existant Yoruba to understand all the slang and phrases thrown out once in a while, but where would i be without my Naija beats...more specifially where would i be without Wande Coal and M.I. (Mr Incredible) to get me through jozi traffic in the morning? Nowhere, that's where!

    If you don't know what or who i am talking about...well, you better ask somebody!

  • Blackberry: My beloved Samsung x820, formerly known as "Ella" died on me multiple times over the year. We had so much history i found it impossible to let go. I even resorted to taping her up in sellotape (much to dismay of friends and colleagues) to preserve her. However, the time did come to send her to Cellphone Heaven and replace my beloved Ella. Her replacement came in the form of my swanky Blackberry. How do i love my BB? Let me count the ways. My BB still remains without a name...but i figure i will have one within the new year...a strong masculine name, any suggestions?

  • Talons: For years i wished i could sport the manicured talons that most of my friends and family have. However, with my penchant to gnaw at mine, that dream was a thing of the past...except, that it wasn't. Who knows where i got the willpower from, but one day i decide to stop gnawing and not give into my "nervous conditions". Two months later i am the proud owner of gel-overlayed talons. For a habitual nail biter for the last 20 odd years, i am so proud to have kicked this habit and have pretty hands, yay!

  • V is for.....: Ummmm yah, nuff said.

  • Parkhurst: If you are in the greater Gauteng area, Johannesburg to be exact, make your way to 4th Avenue in Parkhurst for ambiance and sumptious food. I love this neighbourhood, its my sliver of Cape Town in Jozi....mmmmmh, sundowners anyone?

  • Taylor Swift: In competition with Jigga's "Blueprint 3" album is...*big gulp* Taylor Swift's "Fearless" album. There i said it! It's good, real good! There are those that argue that Yeezy dragged Ms Swift from obscruity at that infamous VMA or was it AMA award ceremony, but this chick was already on my radar. She's made me like country music...that's a big thing.

  • French Knickers: Love them, happy that i traded my thongs in for them. It's the little things in life :-)

  • Mr Price: R50 sandals! You had me at KA-CHING! Nuff said.

  • Love. Love, Love : Now where would be without a little love in our lives from the most unlikely sources. "I believe in a thing called love, just listen to the rhythm of my heart." Can i get an Amen?

Please holla your favourite things and/or people from 2009 in the comments ... come on, i know you want to *big wink*

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What's the word chickens? 3 days till i'm homeward bound into Bob's country, i can't wait! Festivities are underway and i'm literally counting down the days and hours till i'm on holiday.

It's not likely i will submit another post by the year's end, so i'm gonna wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! If Christmas ain't your thing, then Happy Holidays to you!

Let us remember the lessons learnt over the past year and the happiness shared.

Catch you on the other side chickens!

Lotsa love and hugs,

V x

Monday, November 30, 2009

Can't Buy Me Love....


Back at varsity, date auctions where the name of the day. For a solid R300 you could buy the man or woman of your dreams. I particularly loved the original promoting that went on prior to the auctions, one very unforgettable poster proclaimed,

"Money can't buy you love
But who said anything about love?"

This past Saturday i found myself privy to yet another auction in the name of a good cause. The women were out and about in full-force, dressed to kill and having no shy in sizing up the candidates on display.

What was i doing there? Christmas shopping but of course!

I dragged along one of girl friends under the pretence of attending a fashion show (that was a half lie, 'cause there was indeed a fashion show) and on arrival, proclaiming my generosity by sponsoring to buy her the man of her choice. After a quick sussing out session, she was pleading with me NOT to buy her anyone. Boo! Now i must find her another christmas gift.

The men weren't so bad... yes, there was the one guy who looked like he'd crawled out of bed five seconds prior to getting up on the stand. Then there was the uber arrogant one who was male-catalogue-gorgeous but just a teeny bit too full of it...the woman who bidded for him started the bidding so high (R500) and then continued to out-bid herself??!! Weakening.

What did this event teach me?

For the right price, we can all find what we we're looking for...and money provides you with a wider variety of choice *cue Gwen Guthrie's "No Romance without Finance*

Chicken is more my thing but i decided to give Turkey her day. Living up to the hype that American television had built in me, i had my first Thanksgiving lunch. It was one of those meals that i have mentally bookmarked 'cause it was just that good...cranberry sauce, turkey, sweet potate pie, lots of wine and great company.

Controversy aside, those pilgrims sure had the right idea!



Watched it last night.

My thoughts: HOT DAMN, that Jacob is HAWT. No wonder cougars far and wide are swooning over this 17 year old. Those abs, those pecs, it's not right, it just isn't.

Kristin Stewart's acting skills have improved, she's doing that blinking thing less. Rob Pattison is such a boring Edward, if you took a shot of tequila for every time he looked forlorn and broody, ah, you would be crunk 10 minutes into the flick.

New Moon is the most uneventful of the four books but the producer redeemed himself...especially if he's who i have to thank for the no-shirt clause that the main male leads had to obviously agree to in their contracts.

New Moon is a Shirt Free Zone :-)

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Drink lots of coffee and power through what's left of your Monday chickens.

Let's do this (read: Sleep, more sleep).

Love,

V x

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Towel, she's been thrown!



There may still be *quick mental count* 36 days left to the year but i've officially checked out.

What a year, what a year! Rumour has it the recession is over in South Africa as of today...that's pretty impressive considering the States had declared the end of their recession about two weeks ago. I assumed that like everything else, we'd only feel the repurcussions of a non-recession lifestyle around August of 2010 :-)

So after what has been a pretty long and gruelling year and in the spirit of Thanksgiving, it seems only fitting that we give thanks for all the stuff that didn't go wrong. So i know i've given thanks to the usual suspects (God, family and friends) over the last few months, so instead, i would like to give thanks to the unsung heroes.

Here's my "thankful" list, in no particular order of priority:

The 9 to 5 grind: Yes i complain about my job and on some days i believe that my time spent at work is actually my personal purgatory but that doesn't mean i don't have the sense to acknowledge that at a time when people were being retrenched left, right and centre, i still got to keep my job and battle it out with the best of them.

Malva Toffee Pudding with Custard: Having a bad day, need some not-good-for-you food to make you feel full and happy? This is your answer! Forget Nelson Mandela, this pudding is South Africa's national treasure.

Palmolive's Milk & Honey Body Wash: Want to feel like Cleopatra after a long gruelling day at the office? Jump into the shower and lather up with Palmolive's finest. You'll never look at your showering experience the same again!

Prayer: A little bit goes a looooooooooooooooooooooong way! Whatever your woes, the Big Man in the Sky 's emergency hotline is open 24hrs a day...better yet, just holla at him for a chat.

Cuddles: When all those big hot-shots where losing their empires on Wall Street and those big corporations where brought to their knees, i betcha they were all starving for a hug and a cuddle. Granted, that alone wouldn't have got them out of the pickle they found themselves in, but gee whiz, they'd havfe appreciated that small, heartfelt gesture.

Heat Magazine (or your tabloid of choice): Don't judge. This frivilous fluff comes in handy when you need to disengage from the madness.

International Calls: With loved ones scattered around the globe, there's nothing like receiving an international call when you least suspect it. Even if people don't seem to know their time zones from their Cantonese *ahem* these calls are always greatly appreciated and make my day.

Twitter: Want to be amused at 3am in the morning when you can't catch some shut-eye 'cause the dog next door is barking too loud or you drank too much cheap coffee...get on Twitter, its 24hrs, all day, every day. Entertainment guaranteed.

Summer: Yes, everyone looks good in Winter, all buttoned up and distinguished but Summer is the reigning beauty queen here. Need an instant pick-me up (and a tan) park yourself in a sunny spot and bask in the rays kisses (note: Slather on a sunblock of at least SPF15 before doing so, you'll thank me later).

Malawi Shandy's: I'm not sure what goes into this drink, but its yummy and reminds me Saturday afternoons , sitting out on the patio of the Italian Bakery (IB) in Harare watching people pose, hehehe.

Okay, that's my random thankful list. Share yours in the comments, holla!

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This my early christmas present to myself, JM's latest offering.
Listening to a new album is like breaking in new shoes, they may look good but they don't really fit well and kinda pinch but if you keep wearing them, after a while they become old faithfuls. I foresee this album becoming an old faithful but for now we're in the teething stages.

If you're about to break up with someone, in the process of breaking up with someone or just mourning love lost or love yet to be found, buy it....it ain't called "Battle Studies" for nothing.

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Random things floating in my head:

1. Doing a cost-benefit analysis of applying for a MBA program for 2010/2011? Have any of you done an MBA or planning on doing an MBA? What would you consider the best benefits of going through with it?

2. The new-ish 90210 series. Caught a few episodes last night and am of the opinion that some things should be laid to rest...for good.

3. Hiding places: My mother is visiting from Zim in a few days and has a penchant for going through my things. My days of shocking the poor woman are behind me so some unmentionables are going to be needing a new home for a week or two.

4. 2010 Goals: Need to start plotting what i want to achieve in the year coming through, as well as do an audit of the last few months.

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Chin-up chickens, we're nearly there! The silly season is upon us, might as well make the most of it!

Love,

V x

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Channelling Patra!

Ooooh, it’s been a minute!

Okay, so where did I leave off? Oh yes, the office xmas party. Eish, it was as dry as the Namib desert during a global drought with zero chance of precipitation forecast. Yes, that dry. Bless them, they did try but I guess given the obvious downgrade of venue, menu and general entertainment it was fairly obvious that 2009 had been a trying working year and people are glad to be seeing the back of it. I guess I should be grateful that we even got an office party.

Event high-points: The lethal strawberry daiquiri’s being served and winning an office prize for being, ummmm, very tenacious about something I would rather not get into, hehehe.

Event low-points: Not having anywhere to dance or move, we were confined to our chairs for the whole thing. The blatant boss a*s-kissing was so OTT. It was about as obvious as Enrique Iglesius’s mole (pre-laser surgery).

Speaking of Bosses

So Saturday night my girl had a Dance-hall themed extravaganza at her place. My girls and I , being extreme theme-party-wh*res, were dressed in full regalia!

I’m talking short shorts, tight leggings and tops, lots of gold bling, scaffolding for shoes and bright make-up. There was a nagging voice at the back of my head as we got dressed, this voice was trying to remind me not to over do it as the last theme party we’d attended at the party-throwers venue had been more low-key. Suffice to say, the nagging voice was quickly silenced….

Fast-forward an hour later when we are walking into the party expecting to see some scandalousness….only to realise that we might just be the scandalees! The nagging voice in the back of my head was as smug as pie. I can just imagine how bad it looked to the more conservatively dressed looker ons! Luckily as the party progressed we realised we weren’t alone, more “Patra’s” came through…anywho, after a few cups of the delicious punch, we weren’t really concerned.

So about midway into the gig, I’m standing by the kitchen-cum-makeshift-bar area, throwing back some potent punch and attempting newly created variations of The Butterfly when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around expecting to see one of my girls and lo and behold it’s my boss.

*DEAD*

The man is visibly tickled pink. I am visibly mortified. Geez I know Joburg is small, but come on!

I make a lot of effort in the office to appear (read: APPEAR) professional, cool, calm and efficient. For goodness sakes, I wear tweed and pearls! And yet there I stood sozzled, mid-butterfly, looking like….*smh*

Thankfully I’ve been out of the office this whole week so I can save some face, but yah, priceless!

Have you guys every met bosses or work colleagues in the most unlikely settings or situations? Holla your stories in the comments!

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Mama, I Can Count: Two years ago, my baby sister bought me the entire season Gilmore Girls box set from China. Now, I’m a big Gilmore Girl fan. It’s got that perfect blend of feel good fluff and angst that keeps me glued to my seat.

On receiving and promptly opening this box set, I realised that all the writing on the covers of the discs were in Chinese. Weakened beyond disbelief, I promptly put the box set away and didn’t bother myself again…until this past weekend..

With help from Google (God Bless Google) I not only managed to sort the 40-odd discs but can proudly declare that I can now fluently read and count from one to eight in Chinese.

Who’d have thunk?

I’m Positive, “O” Positive, Shaken AND Stirred: Mosquitoes really don’t like me, which I know is a good thing…but WHY don’t they like me (middle child syndrome flaring up here)? It’s so weird, I can be sharing a room with someone or people and they’ll be swatting and cursing and complaining about being eaten alive and there’s nothing going after me!

I have one serious case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) here.




The Lion and The Lamb: If you are in the Johannesburg area, catch this play/musical at Market Theatre in Newtown. Checked it out with some mates on Tuesday night and was blown away. I love its message, seeing as the festive season is literally in our laps. It’s a great reminder of message behind Christmas. Oh and if you aren’t interested in that, just go and check it out for the singing alone. Damn, some people can SANG!!!!

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I’m burrowed under the covers chickens and foresee a night of chick flicks and lots of tea ahead.

Another weekend is upon us, can I get an “AMEN!”

Love,

V x

Friday, November 13, 2009

Kinda like Vegas!


It's that time of the year again, the annual christmas office party happens in t-minus 3 hours on the very auspicious Friday the 13th! Never mind that we're only half way through November and throwing the tinsel and crackers around like its going out of fashion.

Auspicious day indeed! Talk by the water-cooler indicates that this year's function may be strongly boycott (that may have been started by me), sadly the lure of free food won the day and The Revolution with have be to televised on another day.

I guess i can find solace in the simple fact that someone or some people are gonna lose control of their facualties and provide the rest of us with some pure entertainment. At these functions, office discretions always seem to come to a head (thank thee alcohol, the get uninhibitor). Tears are shed, accusations are made, indecent proposals are proposed and laughter rings in everyones ears....or so i hope anyway.

This is the first ever "recession" Office Party, so i suspect it won't be as festive as previous years. The dodge venue is already a dead giveaway that all is not well (from a budget spend point of view).

Hopefully i will have lots to report come Monday morning next week, i'm still waiting for a situation to top my current favourite office party memory from my days of employers-gone-by that involved the company PA declaring very loudly that she suspected the CEO of being gay...to his face...in front of everyone and then proceeding to chunda/throw-up in the corridor *awkward*.

Awww, memories!

What are your favourite office party memories? Holla in the comments!

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In other news:

  1. Shirt-Off: Chick at work is wearing the same top as me and everyone in the office feels its their office-given obligation to notify me of this fact. Serves me right, that's what i get from shopping at Woolies :-)

  2. V is for ....: Only got to bed in the early am 'cause i got carried away watching True Blood, its like a very R Rated version of Twilight. HBO doesn't hold nothing back man. 2009 is definitely the year of the blood suckers and i'm definitely on this bandwagon.

    I will be getting my New Moon on sometime next week, finishing the rest of True Blood over the weekend (hectic schedule permitting), checking out that Vampire Diaries and hopefully find a willing participant on whom to practice my love-biting on, am just saying.


  3. Crackberry: Can't put mine down, can't stop chatting, can't stop checking EVERYTHING. The madness must stop or i'm gonna lose friends and loved ones.

  4. Homesick *sigh*

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Tag, i'm it!(Thanks to Zimchic for nominating me)

Here are the rules:

1. You can only use one word!
2. Pass this along to 6 of your favorite bloggers.
3. Alert them that you have given them this award!
4. Have Fun!

The Survey

1. Where is your cell phone? Desk
2. Your hair? Braided
3. Your mother? Compassionate
4. Your father? Hilarious
5. Your favorite food? Indian
6. Your dream last night? Vampire
7. Your favorite drink? Vodka
8. Your dream/goal? Creativity
9. What room are you in? Office
10. Your hobby? Many
11. Your fear? Violence
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Boss-lady
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. Something that you aren’t? Patient
15. Muffins? Lemon
16. Wish list item? Emancipation
17. Where did you grow up? Harare
18. Last thing you did? Call
19. What are you wearing? Purple
20. Your TV? Friend’s
21. Your pets? None
22. Friends? Comedians
23. Your life? Stagnant
24. Your mood? Chilled
25. Missing someone? Always
26. Vehicle? Toyota
27. Something you’re not wearing? Watch
28. Your favorite store? @Home
29. Your favorite color? Green
30. When was the last time you laughed? Minutes
31. Last time you cried? Oprah
32. Your best friend? Inspirational
33. One place that I go to over and over? Bathroom (?!)
34. One person who e-mails me regularly? Gonzo
35. Favorite place to eat? Parkhurst

I suspect that my nominees have already done this, but there’s no rule against re-nominating someone right. So I call on:

Shonavixen
Lu
K (visit her new blog, glad to have you back musikana!)
Tres Enchante
Daughter of Eve
Hadassah

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Happy weekend chickens, try and be good!
Love,
V x

Monday, November 09, 2009

The One About The Naartjie & The Bar

When I received the SOS sms from a friend calling for drink companions on Friday evening, I responded in real-time. The last two days of last week were a mess, a horrible mess: the kind of days that only copious amounts of alcohol can shed in good light.

Being the cheap date that I am, it was no surprise that I was extremely tipsy within consuming half a glass of something pink and bubbly. Geez we had fun. Hysterical giggles and random outbursts from us kept the bar crew greatly entertained. Our spoken language skills had deteriorated to that of a verbal dyslexic or as Zimbo’s would call it, chopes**! The chopes were so priceless I found myself tweeting them, good times.

It was round about this time that I spotted them. A varying display of fruit splendidly displayed at the back of the bar counter. Before you could say, “Vim, get it together we’re in a posh bar” I’d asked a rather bewildered waiter to hand me a naartjie* and proceeded to nonchalantly peel it, right there, by the bar.

Eh, yah. Not a good look.

Thankfully, my friends realising the consumption of carbs was long overdue, proceeded to usher me to the dining part of the establishment before I asked for more fruit, lol.

Luck would have it that the restaurant was offering delicious Bombay Gin cocktails, suffice to say that as we had started our drinking escapades early, the night was but a baby by the time my head hit the pillow.

Moral of the Story: Ask for Naartjies to take home instead J

*Naartjie: I think they’re called Tangerines in other parts of the world.
**Chope: The erroneous pronunciation of words mostly, but not always limited to, those found in the English Language. See attachment below for other examples (hope you can read it, i can't seem to make it any bigger)


Aphrodisiac, my bum: There are certain foods that I’ve never understood the hype about. Cavier is one of them and I’ve recently added oysters to the list.

I was force-fed my first and last oyster this past Saturday at the over-priced Johannesburg Food and Wine Festival. What’s so great about slurping back what feels like a chunk of snot sprinkled with Tabasco sauche?! Seeing as I am not a fan of mussels and oysters are first cousins with the mussel family, I should have seen it coming.

Don’t get me started on figs!

Pretentious food I believe in: Escargot/snails - give me those any day! Oh and lobster…and duck/quail what what.

As for aphrodisiac type foods that get you in a saucy mood…well, let’s just say some of us don’t need food to get us in that particular mood…am just saying, lol.

Seriously though, what’s constitutes “sexy” or “sex inducing” food anyway? Holla in the comments.
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Quentin kani: Caught the much talked about latest offering by Quentin Tarintino, “Inglourious Basterds” and was speechless. The man knows about gore and doesn’t shy away from disturbing scenes. In the same breath, he can draw out the suspense in a scene to a point at which as a viewer you want to scream, “Let me out of my misery already!”.

Inglourious Basterds was Quentin’s take on how Hitler and his cronies met their demise. I suspect Jews everywhere are cheering at his version of what went done in the end. Kudos to him for re-writing history and abstaining from the temptation of making it a clich├ęd happy tale that Hollywood is fond of churning out.

Check it out if you haven’t had a chance, and if you have seen it, what did you think?
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Other mentionables:

- I watched and re-watched Rhianna's interview with Barbara Walters and there was something a little off about it. Since the beat down incidence i've been solidly Camp RiRi and still am, but after catching the interview, i really am questioning her motives about finally speaking out. She seemed mostly defensive and kinda reluctant, like someone had put her up to it. Mmmmmmh.

What you think?

PS I love how when people want to look all respectable, they wear turtle-necks, lol - hilarious.

- Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Chelsea - that's all i am saying, lol!

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Seven Mondays to go till this year is out, can you believe it!

Have a fun one chickens!

Love,

V x

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Something about nothing...

Pie for breakfast....mmmmmmh.

Hill-billy Roots:

So i sorta killed Jigga's "BP3", like if i hear one more song off it, i will scream. It's been all i've listened to in the car for the past 3 weeks straight, that is, until i paid the local music store a visit over the weekend to buy...*gulp* Taylor Swift's latest offering.

Don't roll your eyes at me! I was on her ish before Yeezy decided to steal her spotlight. I was curious about what else she could do which resulted in me stalking into the store, hovering around the pop/rock section pretending to look undecided, then pouncing on the CD, paying for it and rushing out of there before being spotted.

I used to think i hated country music, but its that Dolly Parton/Kenny Rogers generation i can't stand. Then again, you won't catch me bopping to Tim McGraw or Garth Brooks. However, of late i 'm becoming partial to a little Dixie Chicks, Carrie Underwood and now Ms Swift.

It's a hoot!

The implications of bourgie living:

Soooooooooooooooooooo, it just dawned on me this morning that short of handwashing a few things on a weekly basis, i haven't actually done my own laundry in....yah, i'm actually too shy to give you actual figures and dates.

It's been that long.

One of the joys of sub-saharan Africa is that almost everyone is entitled to having a maid. Back home, most households have live-in ones, but here in the City of Gold, full-time help is a privilege for the very, very, very elite. The rest of us mere mortals make do with someone coming in once a week to spruce things up and do laundry....i loath ironing.

Not that i was, but i won't be taking "having help" for granted ever again. Next time i think my life sucks...i will remember that i don't do laundry :-)

Earthquake rocks city, work-related activites postponed till February 2010:

You know works bad when you find yourself conjuring up hypothetical scenarios like, the entire country being infected with a mild strain of highly contagious measles or a tropical typhoon that doesn't actually kill anyone, but requires that work shutdown for at least 3 months.

On the up-side :

  • I've stuck with my exercise regime for the last two weeks. I'm pretty darn impressed with myself, here's hoping i can keep this up:
  • The jacaranda's look so pretty - the whole city is bathed in lilac shades:
  • We're that much closer to December, which means holidays, which means family time, reunions with friends and sleeping in time too; and,
  • It's Thursday, need i say more.

Have a good one chickens!

Love,

V x

Monday, November 02, 2009

Sometimes...


bad, sad things happen:

When i heard the wailing cry i just knew that something wasn't right. I knew that someone was dead. Nobody can emit such a sound unless in the deepest throes of grief and loss.

In boarding school i dreaded that sound. Every year without fail a sombre relative would come to deliver news to an unsuspecting student that a parent, sibling, close relative or friend had passed on. Then you would hear it, that cry.
The kind of cry that makes the hairs on your neck stand up. The cry that we secretly hope is not catching and does not find its way to us.

Saturday night, i heard that cry.

The caretaker of the complex where i stay was gunned down in a senseless mugging, no less than 20 feet from my complex gate.

His widow's grief was made known to us all.

R.I.P Solly

we have to start somewhere:

During the Sunday church service i attended a man stood before his community, family and friends and asked for their forgiveness.

He did not make any excuses for his actions, no detailed backdrop was provided to explain as to how he'd got to such a low point in his life and committed such a heinous deed.

Instead he acknowledged his actions, owned them and spoke the tale of his road to recovery, enlightenment and forgiveness that had led him back to the very community that he had torn himself apart from through his actions.

How do you begin to ask for forgiveness for murdering your parents? Forgiveness from God, the deceased, from yourself, your loved ones and your community...how do you begin?

You just do. You start and you never stop asking.

This man shamed me, not because of what he had done, but rather because he highlighted what i was not prepared to do. Here he stood in front of people still harbouring anger, pain and resentment and he still asked for the impossible, had the courage to try and express his regret and rehabilitation...and here i am, refusing to let go of the petty grievances i harbour against others and through sheer cowardice, avoid to initiate the necessary conversations required to begin the healing process.

We must try.

We must start.

we just don't get our way:

How do 460 tickets get sold out in 1 minute? Internet connectivity in South Africa is decent but i sincerely doubt that those tickets, the tickets for a certain Ms Winfrey's show scheduled to occur on 30th November 2009, sold out to consumers on-line in less than a minute. The promoters claim no pre-bookings or pre-sales occured prior to the tickets becoming available online. Women stood in queues in their numbers only to be turned away when not even one person had been able to purchase a ticket.

Foul play is suspected from my end.

*shrug* Twas too much to ask perhaps, that things go as they are said to go.

monday's don't entirely suck:

Meetings are upbeat. The day does not drag. Deliverables are completed. The hot chocolate machine out-does itself with the foamy froth fluffed to perfection.

it all comes together and you just know...you know?!

Feel free to share your "sometimes" in the comments.

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Less than 3 hours till this Monday is officially done and i may just be a teeny bit sad to see the back of it. Things went the way they should and i am glad.

I will now nurse my lemon ginger tea while the rain serenades me and i attempt to keep sleep at bay (an exercise in futility).

Sleep tight chickens,

Love,

V x

Thursday, October 29, 2009

And in other news...


  1. Went out hiking on Sunday and felt a great affinity with the outdoors. That doesn't mean you'll catch me camping any time soon but i'm definitely more open to this hiking business.
  2. Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is turning out to be a bit of an emotional read. Her "Half a yellow sun" wasn't so bad, there was some balance, but this book is just draining me.
  3. The great debate: A friend of mine deleted all her male friends from FB as she believes that noone can ever have a platonic relationship with the opposite sex.

    Unecessarily drastic measure or does the lady have a point?
  4. Toni Braxton has a new song??? Seriously? Eish, comebacks are the new black.
  5. Ever notice that your bad mood is inversely proportional to the amount of carbs you've consumed for the day?
  6. Succumbed to peer pressure and got myself a schweet blackberry phone that for some reason didn't come with a how-to manual. Thanks to the powers that be (read: google) i'm finding my way around this contraption.
  7. Anyone watched Michael Jackson's "This Is It" yet? I will probably catch it in 2012 or something when it feels less morbid to watch. I still haven't watched "The Dark Knight" due to a similar train of thought.

Chickens, tell me something interesting, i need some entertainment before i resort to desperate means.

V x

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Who...Are...You?


There's a scene in Alice in Wonderland where Alice happens upon a Caterpillar perched upon a "schroom (suspect) smoking from his hubbly bubbly/hookah (even more suspect) and asks Alice a pretty simple question for a character whose entire being is linked to harmful narcotics. Anywho, Alice struggles to answer the question (and she's the lucid one).

The dialogue goes like this:

Caterpillar: Who... are... you?
Alice: Why, I hardly know, sir. I've changed so much since this morning, you see...
Caterpillar: No, I do not C, explain yourself.
Alice: I'm afraid I can't explain myself, you see, because I'm not myself, you know.
Caterpillar: I do not know.
Alice: I can't put it any more clearly, sir, because it isn't clear to me.

So where am i getting to with this intro? Here's the thing...

Rant Alert

I am &^%$ing fed-up with meeting Zimbabweans who were born in Zimbabwe, raised in Zimbabwe, who have spent less than a freaking decade in the diaspora somewhere and have conveniently forgotten where they come from!

Now the topic of this rant is not Zim specific, any country that has a large number of it population living outside its borders can sympathise with this predicament.

Exhibit A

I live and work in South Africa and South Africa is conveniently next door to Zim. Now before Jacob Zuma so kindly opened up SA's borders and let my country men and women flow in willy-nilly, there were already a lot of us here.

If the United Kingdom is our Harare North, then without a doubt Johannesburg is how Harare South.

Zimbabweans are as ubiquitous in the South African workplace as vuvuzela's are to any Bafana Bafana matches. When i meet a fellow native of my homeland, its no longer a big deal. I am very well aware we aren't gonna be best friends and skip off into sunset but we will do is acknowledge eachother, ask the standard questions zimbos tend to ask ("what school did you go to", "which part of Zim are you from", "Do you know [insert random name]") to establish common ground and then it's business as usual.

I don't feel there's any reason to hide where i come from...then again, its not like i could, my name is an instant giveaway. However, there are two of my colleagues with anglosaxon first names who would prefer not to let their citizenship be known to other zimbabweans when we are in the office, at other clients or in general social settings.

This irks me to high heavens. You have no idea...okay, you may have a slight idea.

These little shape-shifters are hellbent on trying to fit-in to their adopted nation and pander to the citizens of their adopted nation, all at the expense of turning their back on who they are and where they come from. They have no interest in affliating themselves with their past/history/traditions and thats fully translated in their whole demeanor.

I'm a firm believer of "When in Rome, do like the Romans" and experiencing new things, new cultures and people who come from a different background from yours. I'm not saying its mandatory for you to affirm 20 times a day to everyone who's listening, who you are and where you come from.

All i am asking is that when someone asks you where you come from, you look that person dead in the eye and just as casually declare the country of your origin/birth...even if saidcountry is under fire in the media, even if said-country is the laughing stock of the free world.

The bottom line is that its YOUR country and if you can't be proud of where you come, then you need to take a long hard look in the mirror my friend.

Rant Over

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Random Ramblings from Yours Truly:
  1. I'm not sure how i feel about this album cover of Ms Fentyn. It looks like Disturbia revisted. Haven't heard the track yet, i'm a little scared to, to tell you the truth. Any of you heard it yet?

  2. Finally caught District 9 the other night, it had been a minute since i'd visited the inside of a movie house. I really enjoyed the movie! It was part comedy, part drama. I can see why the Nigerian government banned the flick (although in all honesty, there was only one Nigerian, the rest of his henchmen were clearly South African but i guess the rest of the world wouldn't get that).

    The afrikaans accent was killling me softly, spent the whole time chuckling. One of the sad things is that all that footage of those shacks and informal settlements that are District 9 are for real. Everyday citizens of South Africa calls those asbestos and tin creations home, there's nothing fictional about that.

    As for the movie, I smell a sequel and quite honestly, i can't wait...those poor little displaced prawns need to get home ek se!

  3. Corrinne Bailey Rae is releasing a new album by the end of the year. I am so happy. Was starting to think she would never come back *gulp*

  4. I'm doing some serious catch of shows i've missed in the last few months! I'm going into hiding over the weekend after having visited my local Woolies for sustanance to pull me through.

    What shows or movies do you guys enjoy watching when you need some serious downtime?

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One more day and then the weekend is here!

Have a great weekend chickens and just remember, when life seems hopeless and you can't seem to go on....think of your crush/significant other with no panties/boxers on :-)

Works every time. True story.

Love,

Vx

Monday, October 19, 2009

The Greatest Show on Earth…well, almost.


There are four of us wondering around the office this morning sporting goofy smiles, drinking large amounts of coffee and generally looking like we could do with another 3 hours of sleep easy.

The ladies and I caught the Keri Hilson and John Legend concert last night, separately, but our experiences all sound pretty much the same.

John’s performance was stellar. To say he seduced a room full of women is putting it lightly…very lightly. Now, I am a fan of the man but before last night, I wasn’t really that big a fan. Yes, I liked his usually popular tracks, but wasn’t losing consciousness at the thought of his concert. However, after last night, I understand.

For a pocket sized man, he packs a charismatic punch! Geez, I was tearing up in certain parts, swooning in others…it was emotional. The friend who I’d gone with was watching him for the third time and you wouldn’t know it from all her hooting and hollering.

John Legend is a professional who delivers the goods each and every time.

It was an absolute pleasure…not the greatest show on earth, but pretty darn close.

Side note: I am TOTALLY hating on the girl John pulled up from the crowd to slow dance with! Nelly if you are reading this, i am sooooooooooooooooo happy for you (read: it should have been me biyatch, lol).

Miss Keri Baby wasn’t bad either but she’s still a toddler when it comes to this music game, but I have high hopes for her. She’s witty, freaking gorgeous and knows how to engage the crowd. She was a likable opening act…

Unlike a certain Ms Ella-ella-eh-eh I watched perform in the same venue, over the same weekend exactly 3 years ago. Wow, she was bad. Her performance was about as limp as a discarded banana peel lying on the side of a road in 35 degree centigrade weather!

During the concert I compiled my fantasy-will-turn-into-reality list of artists I need to see perform in the not-so-distant future:

Beyonce
Jay-Z (again)
John Mayer (like duh)
Coldplay
Alicia Keyes
Justin Timberlake
Kanye West
Mariah Carey
Lily Allen


Mmmh, I’m sure I have forgotten someone off that list, but there you have it!

Have any of you watched anyone off of my wish-list? And which artist would you give your left kidney to see perform?

Holla in the comments!
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What a load of hot air: If you’ve been following stories in the news then I’m sure you would have come across the whole balloon boy fiasco.

Clip notes: A family in the US who use hot air balloons to conduct “scientific” experiments believed that one of their hot balloons that was “accidentally” let loose contained their 6 year old son. Said son was found alive and well after the po-po shot down the hot air balloon, found no child…speculated said-child may have fallen out, only to realise said-child was chilling at home…in the attic.

Anywho, now it turns out that confessions have come forth and the parents are guilty of leading everyone and their dog on. No reason has been provided for the publicity stunt, and I doubt any explanation going forward will actually make sense.

Attention mongering has reached new lows…
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Return to Innocence: Whilst partaking in some activities of the pampering kind (read: I was getting my nails did), I sh*t you not, a father walked in with his two daughters who looked about 8 and 11 years old. He’d brought in these little princesses to get….wait for it….under-arm and leg waxes.

Are you freaking kidding me! Come ON!

I may be out of touch with what’s what when it comes to anyone born after Mandela was elected president of the Republic of South Africa, but I don’t think any girl-child should be partaking in such rituals until a) she actually has bodily hair that requires removal and b) she has outgrown Hannah Montana, Care Bears, jumping ropes, giggling and all those other things the pre-adolescents engage in.

Childhood clearly needs to make a comeback!
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Hope you’re all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this Monday morning chickens.

Here’s wishing you an awesome (and that’s sarcasm-free) day.

Love,

V x

Friday, October 16, 2009

It's Rex Manning John Mayer Day

The day after one's birthday is such an anti-climatic event.
After the fairytale night of wining and dining on my bhava-day, coming into the office is feeling like such a non-event. I am sipping on a sugar-free Red Bull courtesy of a very intuitive co-worker, according to him, i look like sh*t.

Random side note: This sugar-free Red Bull is very very suspect.
I'm looking at the ingredients: Glucuronolactone, Xantham Gum, Taurine...and all i hear is "liquid heroin". Oh and how can you proclaim to be sugar-free if you include ingredients like "caramel" and sweetners in there....am just saying.

So where was i again?

Ah yes, I hate the day after your birthday. I feel like the runner-up beauty queen, i feel like Jacob before he swindled Esau of his birthright, i feel like how Joe Bidden must feel everday....
Ah well, here's to another 364 days and counting.
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Today isn't a complete waste of a day 'cause it my future baby daddy's birthday today, yaaaaay. Why do i know this...ummm, well cause i probably know WAY to much about this man than is probably healthy, hehehe.

So i've managed to fight my stalker instincts and not send him a happy birthday tweet (the older i get, the more i must resist my groupie tendencies). Instead i will wish him a happy birthday from the safety of my blog and list my favourite John Mayer tracks, in no order of priority.

Feel free to holla your fave JM tracks if you're a fan....and if you aren't a fan, what the hell are you waiting for mheni, get on this train already!

The List:

  1. Comfortable
  2. Stop This Train
  3. Something's Missing
  4. Daughters
  5. Back to You
  6. Bigger than my Body
  7. In Repair
  8. Split Screen Sadness
  9. Vultures
  10. Say

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Compensated what? Did any of you read the article on CNN about school girls and grown ass women in Hong Kong having sex with strangers in exchange for money that is used to buy them stuff that a) either their parents aren't getting them or b) stuff their peers have and they want too.

Now i don't know why the article doesn't just call a spade, a spade. The last i heard, any monetary exchanges in favour for sexual favours is called Prostituition. They want to sugar coat the situation and call it "compensated dating", huh, nice euphemism but we ain't buying it.

The authorities have a big problem on their hands, something's very broken with the family unit if you notice your 14yr old come home, blinged to max and don't suspect anything of it. These girls wouldn't have a chance in hell if they'd be raised by an African mother.

Firstly, they would have already been thrashed into the middle of next week, sent to extra bible studies or confession, sent to the bhundu's/gwasha's to chill with their grandparents till they knew what's what...then thrashed somemore and had their movements monitored going forward till the year 2097.

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Let me get back to work...or attempt to look like i am working ;-)

Have a wonderful weekend chickens!

Love,

V x



Thursday, October 15, 2009

iBirthday Yami


Now this could be a coincidence but i swear the traffic was that much lighter on the way to work this morning 'cause it's my birthday...scouts honour!

Usually my birthday arrives and i get caught up in the giddiness of it but this year's birthday is an extremely reflective and more meaningful one.

You see, a year to the day, i was miserable! Everything was off! I was hanging out with people who i could barely tolerate and vice versa, i was still pining for a lost love, i was trying so hard to fit in that i lost myself in the process and my job was stressing me.

In the months that followed things got even worse, to put it lightly. I have never in my life been in so low and so a dark place...

And then i saw the proverbial light.

Light came in the form of family who wouldn't allow me stay down...i have some of the best siblings anyone could ask for. They're fearless, they're bull-shit intolerant, they're my constant cheerleaders yelling for me on the sidelines, they are the truth tellers who don't waste their time mincing their words.

They challenge me, they inspire me, they motivate me, the cuss me out when necessary (which is often) and despite all this, they love me and that's all that really counts.

Light shone from my true friends.

When sh*t hits the proverbial fan its a good time to look around and still see who's standing around with you. You'd be shocked. Those I'd put my faith in had all but crumbled at the nth hour. However, those who remained by my side were the biggest shock of all. Their love and support is the type that tends to go unnoticed and underappreciated. It shamed me that it took the worst situations for me to finally realise the true value of their love and friendship!

The most unlikely light came from you my chickens on blogville!

It's hard to explain to people who don't blog, follow blogs or even know what a blog is the happiness i gain from mine. I find myself referencing your comments in everyday conversation like i've known you all for years (i get many random looks from people for doing this). To those of you who've come back here regularly and shared your ideas and thoughts, i send each of you a heartfelt cyber hug and thank you for keeping me going and supporting me in the most unlikely way.

So the theme for this year's birthday is Gratitude...dare i say, i'm not even bothered about what gifts i get as i realise that making it this far is a gift all in itself.

Okay, enough gushing from me, i'm now getting emotional :-)

May you have a blessed day chickens, that is full of light, love and laughter!

Love,

V x

Monday, October 12, 2009

Keeping Up Appearances: The Lengths Some of Us Will Go To

TMI Alert: I may or may not reference events of a gaseous nature.

Picture the scene.

It’s a mellow Saturday night and you and your boo are bunking down to some vegging on the couch after inhaling many carbs and meat products. Thing is, you are gluten-intolerant but momentarily forgot this while scoffing a plate full of pasta, as you were surfing a dopamine-high and feeling invincible.

Until the rumbling in your tummy reminds you that you ain’t no super woman and pay back is a b*tch. You realise that a trip to the bathroom is imminent. Thing is, you're at your boo’s place…were privacy is relatively non-existant and trust me, you need privacy - sound-proof, nobody in a 10km radius type privacy and that’s pretty impossible.

Sweat beads collect on your top-lip, time is running out, so you enter into a hypothetical conversation that goes like this:

You: Laying it extra thick “Babe, can you go upstairs please.”

Your Boo: Why?

You: Rolling eyes ‘Cause I need to use the bathroom, duh.

Your Boo: Looking very confused “Ummm, I don’t get it. Why do I need to go upstairs if you need to go to the bathroom? Just go.”

You: Exasperated beyond all belief “Sweetie, just indulge me on this one please. Just go upstairs.

Your Boo: Looking at you like you’ve lost your damn mind "I’m not going anywhere."

You: Realising subtlety won’t win the day “Listen, I need to drop it like it’s hot and chances are tremors may be felt and heard in neighbouring countries. I could really do with privacy ‘cause stage-fright is a huge possibility.

Your Boo: Convulsing in fits of laughter “You’re impossible. Go already…I’m not budging.”

You slink off in defeat to do your business but five minutes after arrival find out that stage fright has taken a hold of your senses...and bowels.

Nothing happens.

For another five minutes you have an internal debate with yourself. One part of you (the solid practical part) tells you stop being silly and go already. After all, this is a natural part of life and everybody does. However, a rather insistent part of you (largely influenced by glossy magazines and random drivel) urges you to fight the feeling as it will strip you of all your mystery and make you undesirable - yah, don't ask.

Thankfully, practicality wins the day and you emerge ten minutes later, ten pounds lighter with a skip in your step.

Now, this incident I’ve described above is pretty common judging by my research. I have a friend who can’t go unless she’s at home. This means holidays tend to be bowel-movement free and painful towards the end. I have married friend who after five years of marriage claims her husband is none-the-wiser about her need to “drop off the kids” as this event tends to take place at 3am every morning when said-husband is out for the count.

Ridiculous as it is, this need to keep up appearances manifests itself in a million different ways; from my boy’s ex-girlfriend who would wake up an hour before her alarm went off to “put her face on” and brush her teeth so he wouldn’t see her in bad light to women friends who believe a man should never see you putting on your make up as it robs a woman of her “mystery”.

The madness must stop people! We must keep it real…okay not too real, but you know what I mean right ;-)

Holla in the comments with your stories or experiences in “keeping up appearances”
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This Ain’t American Idols People: The girls and I went out on Friday night to get our Karaoke on at Monte Casino. The process of picking a song is so overwhelming, the choices are endless.

When I come across a song that’s a strong contender I have to mentally go through the whole song in my head to weed out any suspicious high notes lurking about – I will save Mariah’s impossible tra-la-la’s for the car ride to work and back thanks. So after making selections (Madonna’s “Material Girl” and Jamelia’s “Superstar” got through the selection panel) we waited our turn.

Eh, where we just not shocked.

I think we picked the “I’m-no-amateur-and-wouldn’t-mind-a-record-deal” night ‘cause people were blowing that mic up in a way that deserved Grammy’s. Sure, one or two people sucked but I’d say 90% of the people who went up to perform, killed it. Talk about putting pressure on the rest of us folks, of average singing talent (expect in the shower where the acoustics are always amazing).

After a couple cocktails nobody on my table cared whether they could hold a note or not…thank the heavens for alcohol, the great equaliser tranquiliser :-)

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Today is a coolish, overcast day in the City of Gold. It’s what I’m calling an “Empire State of Mind” day = mellow and uber chilled with a slight shower of nostalgia expected in the late afternoon.

Have a great one chickens.

Love,

V x

Friday, October 09, 2009

Sound Bytes & Brain Farts

What a week chickens, what a week!

24 hours in the day just isn't enough anymore. Feeling stretched thin is a bit of an understatement right about now. I wish i was one of those human beings who could get by on 3 hours of sleep then i would be sorted. Sadly, i'm a 7-8hrs kinda girl so my time management skills have been severely tested.

Here's an urban legend i've personally debunked for y'all: Not all women are good at multi-tasking.

Yes, i am pretty lousy at it. My co-worker told me i'd make a lousy mother because of it (thanks buddy). So i've realised that instead of doing a thousand things at once and getting nowhere, the one-task at a time approach is the way forward.....

Thought i'd share.
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The versatility of black hair is outstanding...truly it is!

When my hair is not stressing me to high heavens, its usually my source of delight and joy. After losing patience with my short pixie do that was higher maintenance than Ivana Trump herself, i decided that i would return to my braid roots. Braids are the black woman's staple, when all other hairdos fail (perm, relax, weave, corn-rows) getting your hair braided is your fail-proof contingency.

My current fail-proof plan residing on my head took all of 12 hours (yes, 12) to get done - supposedly i have a lot of hair, no sh*t. It is also a rather interesting shade of golden brown meets red...Now that wasn't intentional, but as you know, haggling with one's hairdresser who believes they know best, is a futile exercise. She just kept saying, "Trust me, it'll look great."

No truer words were spoken. It's been 5 days since i became a red-head and i love it. I have something to blame my temper tantrums on (finally) and i've been pre-positioned enough times to get a bit of ego, "I walk like this 'cause i can back it up"

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He's awesome.

I love him.

And now he's a Nobel Peace Prize winner....imagine that.

This is the first bit of positive news i've read about Obama in weeks, it's official to assume that his presidential honeymoon is over....waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over. With SNL taking a stab at him recently, he's no longer the media darling and is "fair game".

I just pray he proves his critics wrong...hopefully sooner rather than later.

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October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month so.........
Feel yourselves up!
If you feel odd about feeling yourself up
Get a friend to help you
*ahem*

Be Vigilant!
-------------------------------------------------
So Whitney's back and i think i'm the only person who doesn't actually care. Seriously. I prefer the pre-millenium Whitney but anything thereafter, count me out.

I'm a MC girl all the way :-)
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Public Service Announcement


Just in case you needed a gentle reminder!
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Have a lovely weekend chickens!

May the sun shine down on you, the DJ play "your song", good looking strangers compliment you and your bank balance reflect six figure digits!

Love,

V x




Wednesday, September 30, 2009

All Thai'd Up!

When you part with good money to get felt up, it better be good = Cue a nice little Thai Massage parlour nestled in the hills of Northern Johannesburg.

Lotus flowers floating in glass bowls and a relaxing foot massage were what met my girls and I, so far so good. We got cute little linen karate-type outfits to wear and lay prostrate on some zen-ish type mats waiting for individual Thai masseurs to work their brand of magic.

Black magic that is!

I'm no stranger to this particular brand of relaxation given my penchant for swedish and hot stone massages, but this Thai one was another story. Here's a few things i learnt:

1. I don't think it's normal to hear the cracking of bones when one is trying to relax, it does not instill any confidence in the person literally handling you.

2. There's something physically stifling about being stood on! I don't care whether it sometimes felt good...its violating on some primal level.

3. Being borderline narcoleptic has its merits, when the pain got too intense i sorta passed out, my form of escapism.

4. It really shouldn't be called a massage if the process doesn't involve essential oils of some sort.

5. Don't be deceived by the look of those delicate Thai ladies, these chicks will have you whimpering for your mummy in a matter of minutes.

6. *ahem* The butt massage was kinda nice...am just saying.

7. Always Google activities you intend on participating in but are generally clueless about...expectations should be managed up-front.


So would i do it again? Probably not. Life's too short to get literally walked all over, lol

That's my story and i'm sticking to it...but i'm open to any opinions or suggestions you may hold on the topic ;-)

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Let the record show that the group formerly known as Destiny's Child can now officially be absolved of any future victimisation given their prior ejection of LaToya and that other chick none of us remember, 'cause after the stunt the Sugarbabes have just pulled, there's a new renegade girl band in town!

With the hostile removal of the last pioneer Keisha Buchanan, this girl band really should go by another name, i propose "Those Other Chicks"

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Here's a list of topics this week that i'm too weak to write about...too weak:

1. Bob's interview with Amanpour on CNN this past week *smh* - (Paula Abdul's lyrics come to mind, "Two steps forward, two steps back").

2. The Kardashians...why are these people famous? Okay we know why, it all started with a sex tape and now one shotgun wedding and a bun in the oven later, they're all famous? WTF? I'm still waiting on Reggie Bush to get some sense.

3. Airline Tickets: I've complained about this before but what's with the excessive airport tax and misleading prices. The figure you see before the tax looks reasonable, one click later and BAM, the number has doubled due to airport tax!

4. Getting older...my birthday is creeping up and you'd think Doomsday was approaching. I feel like hibernating for the next fortnight to re-master the Master Plan.

Feel free to add to this list: What topics or people have are making you weak this week?

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The last quarter of the year is upon us, can you believe it? Ordinarily October is my favourite month of the year, for obvious reasons, and i'm hoping this month lives up to the hype...impending birthday blues and all.

Keep smiling chickens and always remember, when life hands you lemons...insist on exchanging them for chocolate at the very least, lol.

Love,

V x

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Hey, Big Dreamer!

What’s worse?

Dreaming too big or dreaming too small?

Now you could argue that either of those two scenarios can be problematic and self-limiting if you aren’t laying down some action plans to realise the dreams in question. Still, I’m all for the “Dream big” scenario - the bigger and more outlandish the dream, the better, after all, this is the one space where anything goes, so why not break the rules and defy gravity?!

However, after attending a training session with my colleagues, I realised that some people don’t really get the concept of “Sky is the Limit”

Exhibit A

The training instructor was trying to highlight the difference between the features and benefits of certain work-related services and asked us to imagine we had just won the Lottery (read: You’re rolling in it!) were able to purchase the car of our dreams and to list what features we would want this car to come with. Sounds easy enough right…wrong.

The responses went a little like this:

Instructor: So shoot guys, what would your dream car’s features be?

Voice at the back: GPS Navigation system
(Err, don’t all standard luxury vehicles come with a GPS navigation system?!)

Guy on the next table: ABS Brakes
(Oh boy, these people need some help, I’m gonna have to say something)

Me: Convertible
(Why are they looking at me like I just said I want a 24ct gold interior, eh?)

Chick to my right: Mini-bar
(Now we’re talking, maybe there’s hope)

Guy in the back: Roof rack
(Roof rack…ummm, on a convertible, eish)

Ultimately, the whole exercise had me weak, weak, weak! You have just won the lottery, need to buy a car and you’re thinking about ABS brakes.

*DEAD*

So to start off the working week, and in the knowledge that we’ve got some mighty big dreamers up in here, let me poise the following question to you, my chickens:

What was/is your big dream of 2009 and how are you planning on setting out to achieve it or if you have already achieved it, share the details!

Holla in the comments!

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Rize Africa: Speaking of making dreams happen, i attended the pre-launch of Rize Africa a media movement aimed at giving a different perspective on current discourse on Africa.

Although the site (http://www.rizeafrica.com/) is still under construction, on it's official debut on the 26th October 2009, the fully interactive site will be a place that will encourage debate on a wide range of pertinent political & socio economical issues in African society.

I love seeing people's great ideas come to fruition and under the guidance of the founder, the lovely Linda Mabhena, i think Rize Africa is destined for greatness, especially if the pre-launch was anything to go by.

The lavishly catered affair (read: I ate to my heart's content) had star studded appearances by the likes of: SA's R'nB sensation, 'Leanne"; the no-holds-barred Zimbabwean Slam poet "Black Anakin" and up-and-coming Zimbabwean hiphop sensation Anonymoucity.

African's repping and doing us all proud: Rize Africa indeed!

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To think there are no more public holidays or long weekends in SA until December is enough to make me want to jump from the nearest high-rise building!

This past week was divine - 3 day working weeks should be enforced internationally, the world would be a better place 'cause of it.

Until such a time, keep your heads' up chickens and remember that Monday's are the new black. True story ;-)

Love,

V x

Friday, September 18, 2009

My Poker Phuza Face

Must sleep.

Can't sleep.

Am too scared to nip to the bathroom for my usual 10min power naps 'cause i suspect that i could pass out for much longer than that and sleep through all alarms, so i'm not gonna chance it.

I'm no good at partying like a rockstar on week nights...not that i was partying per se...more drinking...on an empty stomach.

Any drink that ends in "Collins" i will consume. The Collins family and I go waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back, last night it was a divine Kalahari Collins combination or four that kept me in high spirits (mind the pun).

I didn't behave inappropriately...but had inappropriate thoughts...and then annoying thoughts and i may have run my mouth a little (read: a lot).

*cringe*

Worst of all, i had a crazy early morning meeting today that i managed to make thanks to a well timed sms sent through to remind me to get up (bless). I was so early i managed to get great parking on the 2nd floor (i'm usually stuck on the 5th), but my buzz was quickly killed when the person i was meeting cancelled on me...15mins into our scheduled meeting time.

Arggggh.

Now i am drinking coffee like a joke. I don't like coffee but i would consume coffee beans whole today just to stay awake.

2hrs and counting...


Sanlam Fashion Week 2009: Before my Phuza Thursday got into full swing a mate and I checked out Lunar's eco-friendly, uber chic collection at this years high fashion extravaganza.

The ambiance was great, fashionista's everywhere. I may not have gotten the memo declaring that short grecian styled dresses and gold gladiator thong sandals/high heels were to be the evening's standard dress for all females between 15 and 55, but the ladies were looking great!
The true divas were of course the packs (yes, packs) of gay fashionistas in their early 20's rocking styles and clothes so fashion-forward, you'd think it was 3009!

The auditorium was packed with tse-lebrities, the usual: Dion Chang, Lira, an ex Ms South Africa here and there.

The collection was lovely, a bit muted...almost too safe, but lovely still! Shades of white, black and grey graced the runway (note to casting agents: Don't give the very dark model a grey dress to wear, she just ends up looking ashy!).

However ,the true highlight of the show was the vibrant live singer who sang flirty and fun French cabaret classics to acompany the models as they sashayed down the runway.

Damn, she was good...like REALLY good! She made the show.

I love fashion shows...Bryant Park here i come *dreamy swoon*

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Wear your sun block, drink your water and keep it strictly fabulous this weekend chickens!

Love,

V x

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

100 Ways To Be A Good Girl (This Is Definitely Not One of Them)

Disclaimer: Any family members and close friends reading this may want to opt out of going any further, this may be a little too TMI for y’all. But if you keep on reading and decide to bring it up in future conversations or meetings, please note, I will play dumb and deny, deny, deny :-) You have been duly warned.

In a blog post that I wrote a few moons ago, I asked you, my chickens, what was making you happy and I got a series of responses including one where a reader professed that her pet rabbit was making her happy.

“Pet rabbit” I thought, “How sweet” and proceeded to asked the blogger what the pet rabbit’s name was whilst I envisaged pictures of fluffy bunnies hopping in green meadows on a summer’s day.

Fast-forward about 5 comments later and these Bugs Bunny visions of mine where quickly dashed, turns out the said “pet-rabbit” making this reader smile was in fact her rabbit shaped vibrator…umm, yah.

For someone with a mind that has its own zip-code in the gutter, I really missed the boat on that one.

Over the next few weeks, a series of unrelated events led me to believe that pet rabbits are fast becoming the most popular domestic household feature, second to the microwave (God Bless the microwave).

Initially, I confess, I didn’t understand the fuss! I was raised to be a very good Catholic-African girl after all– so effective was my up-bringing that when I heard one of girffriends bragging about her new pet, one of my first thoughts was, ‘Won’t they make you go blind?”…okay I am joking about that, but you get my drift:

Good black girls don’t do such things…or do they?

I am proud to announce that good black girls everywhere are the proud owners of pet rabbits…octopi...parrots, you name it. I am also pleased to announce that quite a few black men are avid endorsers of this initiative by black women to, ummm, save the animals, hehehe. ;-) Whilst doing some investigative research *cough* for this post, I conducted interviews with some brothas that proclaim to know their way around a power tool, if you know what I mean….daaaaayum *vim fans herself*

What kind of amateur journalist would I be if I didn’t experience the goodness of providing a pet with a home first hand? I am now the proud owner of a bottle-nosed dolphin called “Flipper” that makes me smile.

I believe the world would be a happier place if there just a few more animal lovers in it *wink*

Are you or your significant other pet owners? If not, are you looking to adopt anytime soon?

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Black people, come on! What the heck was going on this weekend? Kanye was throwing Cognac induced temper tantrums at the VMA's, Serena was showing her Compton roots on the court (i suspect Common had something to do with that) and Lewis Hamilton came 16th or something ridiculous like that at the Italian Grand Prix.

K summed it up best when she said to me, " I think this week is "I wish a B*tch would do something to make me mad" week in our black community, world wide.

Now i can forgive Ye just about anything and yes, he did have a point, Bey should have taken that prize away, like John Legend twittered, " Side note: It's slightly weird that you can be a female and win Video of the Year, but not win Female Video of the Year." Conspiracy theories aside, Ye's hijacking of Ms Swift's moment was not the way to go about raising his concerns.

We know he's still grieving and find his solace in the form of a one Amber Rose (*smh*) and some Henessey...but bra, he's running out of excuses! At least he didn't "Chris Brown" Taylor and hastily apologised within 24hrs... the backlash will be minimal. Until then, Mr West, please get it together!

As for Serena...it was just one of those days i guess!

Thank goodness for the likes of Whitney Houston (back from the brink and telling all on Oprah), Tiger Woods (tearing up the greens and back better than before) and of course Jay-Z...

Speaking of Shawn....


Blueprint 3 is sold out everywhere in Jozi, awwww, and i am doing my head in trying to find it. I refuse to get a bootleg copy, i want the real deal...that's how dedicated i am to the cause.

To those fortunate souls who've heard the brilliance, is this album being overhyped or is it the real deal?

Holla in the comments!

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"I had the time of my life, and i never felt this way before": RIP Patrick Swayze

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Have a great Tuesday chickens!

Remember that when the world gets the better of you...consuming a can of Creme Soda on a hot summer's day can right most wrongs.

True story.

Love,

V x