Tuesday, October 28, 2008

3 Sleeps...

I can't wait, i can't wait, i can't wait, 3 sleeps and i will be chilling on a beach sipping on something strongly alcoholic whilst soaking up some rays of Vitamin D!


Road trips seriously rock! I have one memory of heading out for the weekend with friends and a trip that should have taken two hours, took about four due to a thousand bathroom breaks, drink breaks, and generally dancing on the side of the road breaks - ah memories.


So with deadlines looming and work days ending at 9pm, my mantra is, "This too shall pass....and you'll be on a beach just now" :-)


I see dead people: Nothing to sober you up whilst driving to work like seeing a dead body lying on the side of the road. Now it could have just been some guy taking a nap at 9am, but the flashing ambulance parked on the side of the road and the paramedics looking down at the body, without actually doing anything or looking frantic, were all bit of a giveaway.

That sight made me so sad on so many levels :-S

Sometimes, more times than i would like to admit, this city...this world just freaks me the hell out!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

“Sleep no more, Macbeth Work hath murdered sleep!”

Found another grey hair yesterday, eeek! I actually thought it was fluff or something, spent a good 2mins trying to brush it out, only for the cold hard truth to dawn! Nice one, I get another grey hair exactly a week after turning 27, someone somewhere is trying to tell me something, lol.

The current project I am working on is an effing nightmare, its no surprise I am sprouting grey hairs. I keep telling myself it will all be over this time next week, but for now, I’m in the thick of things! My eyes are constantly bleary (staring at a computer for more than half a day will do that) , I’m extremely irritable and snappy, eating regular meals is a thing of the past, I suspect my hair is falling out (ontop of greying that is) and my dreams have been plagued with visions of incorrect spreadsheets and livid clients!

One more day and then I get a break from this living purgatory:-S

Bromosexuals are the new Metrosexuals: According to a certain popular magazine that will remain unnamed (I am too shy to admit I spent good money on this fluff), Bromosexual is the term used to describe a man who puts his boys before any woman he may be dating, essentially, he’s a straight man who has mad love for his boys, “boys before hoes” and all that jazz.

I found this term hilarious ‘cause in my youth I remember dating such a character, I swear, I would pitch up at his house and his whole entourage would be there, I found myself whinging about things like, “How come I never get you alone” and “Do your boys ALWAYS have to do stuff with us?”

Inga Rather: Yesterday I was paid a compliment of sorts; I was told I was an itch this individual couldn’t scratch. I think I may have even blushed, lol.
PS Another funny i got in the mail, lol. Enjoy!




Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Can I get an Encore? (Pretty Please)

Moving forward my birthday celebrations to Saturday was definitely one of my finer decisions!

To say it was off the hook is putting it mildly! Drinks, many drinks, were consumed! My people came through, and bless their cotton socks, they came bearing gifts too – that was probably coz I had a disclaimer at the bottom of my invitation saying “Gifts are mandatory”. Hey, if you want something you let the universe know, lol.

The highlight was going out after spending about 8hrs of drinking and monopolising the restaurant we were at. The club that we (read: those that did not fade) ventured to was historically known for not playing the music that I wanted to hear, ie Hiphop and RnB. So imagine my dismay when pitching up there at 11.30pm, to hear some trancy/electro house something playing….this after I had double checked with the bouncer at the door that my music would be played. After a few talks with DJ, my fears (and sulking) were put to rest and I was assured that the bouncers were not lying.

At the stroke of midnight, the heavens opened and some dirrrty south notes descended down to the floor and everyone got down. Some of us (read: me) didn’t get off the floor for 3 ½ hours…I know this because some “supposed” British record producer who had apparently taken a liking to me decided to quickly point this out during one of my rare 1 minute breathers, lol.

I was in my element – great company, flowing drinks and best all, fantastic music!

I’m still buzzing from the fun I had, this weekend it’s on!

Bullsh*t Filter: I’ve been pretty accommodating about some of the burrish (rubbish) coming my way of late, and trust me, it’s like I’ve been singled out for maratas in the last month.

But no more! Handichada!

I am just too grown to be told what I can or cannot do. I will respectfully listen to everyone’s point of view, but what I decide to do with that information, well, that remains to be seen or in some cases unseen

Okay let me sign off, the 9 to 5’s a-calling!

PS: I love this poster I was sent, it sums up what I currently feel about working life, lol.

Friday, October 17, 2008

100% bru!

Right now i'm working with a guy who constantly says, "100%" in place of, "That's cool" or "No worries". I find it absolutely hilarious. And now some of my mate's are using it and think it sounds...retarded actually, lol.

Watch, i am probably gonna start using it myself just now, "When in Rome, do as the Romans."

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Hoza Friday people! I am so very happy to see the back of this week. It's been crazy at best, not only work wise but otherwise too.

Indecent Proposal: I don't know what kinda of pheromones i'm giving out this week, or whether i have a sign written on my forehead that screams, "Please preposition me for s*x!".
Hameno man, but its kind of funny, in a "haha, you wish" kind of way.

Have you heard it: Ooooooh, you can hate all you want but when Beyonce puts down a track, she's gives it her all...100% even, hehehehe. I heard her single "Single Ladies" in the car on the way to work this morning and was bouncing all over my seat! I can't wait for her new album man!

I do have a question though, B's always singing about "To the Left" type scenarios, but ummmm, either she's getting fodder from her girlfriends coz she's been with Jay since the break of dawn saka when exactly did she find herself in such scenarios. Then again, she's probably got some pretty angsty song writers to provide her with the fodder, hehehehe.

Okay chickens, have a lovely weekend and be good!

Love

V x

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Cake anyone?

"I grow old.. i grow old,
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled."

T. S. Eliot - The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock


It's my birthday today, which always puts me in a FANTASTIC mood. What's not to like, a whole day were i am the centre of attention :-) The calls and smses have been streaming in since 5.30am, eish, but i'm feeling the love.

Pity i'm working a 12hr day, there is no rest for the wicked (read: there is no rest for the slave to The Man). I plan on compensating for my inactivity today, in regards to all things alcoholic and party-based, over the weekend! It should be lekker like a fire cracker.


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League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and Women: Driving to work today i was listening to some radio DJ discussing the demise of Madonna and Guy Ritchie's marriage and he pointed out that the underlying problem has always had to do with the fact that Guy Ritchie has never and will never be in Madonna's league, no matter how successful he gets or how much Madonna plays down the fact that she's famous.

Do people actually buy into the they-aren't-in-your-league premise of thinking, especially in the love interest in question is supposedly unattainable? Personally, i think its all a whole load of hogwash...if you want to put people on pedestal's go right ahead but you aint doing yourself any favours. How does that saying go, "Aim for the moon, if you miss, at least you are among the stars."

Let me know what your take is on this whole "out of your league"business!

Later chickens,

V x

PS: Got sent this hilarious cartoon below, enjoy!



Monday, October 13, 2008

Too pretty for the job?


This weekend I was hanging out with my mate and our missions were cut short as he had to get back to his place to get the keys from his new helper (read: maid - but he insists on calling her “the helper” – semantics!) who had spent the day sprucing up his place.

As we walked into his place, I was expecting to witness some elderly, matronly looking helper hand over the key. Instead, what I witnessed was some HOT chick masquerading around as a maid! It took my head a good while to wrap around the concept that Miss Malaika here was even the maid to start with, . My mind raced from every other possibility, “Does he have a new chick that I haven’t met or heard of” to “Visiting cousin perhaps.”

Yes, I know I am offending all “helpers” out there by assuming that they all come over as matronly etc…but that’s how I’d rather have them (yes, I did just say that). Since I’ve dug my own grave, I might as well add a nail or two by going on to say that I would also prefer all helpers to be 40 plus, greying at the temples with a missing tooth, or two, is that too much to ask, lol.

No seriously, a smoking hot maid, what’s that about? Judging by the huge smile on my mate’s face when I confronted him about it, I can sorta figure that one out. I was quick to point out that his current squeeze wouldn’t be happy about it, there’s no woman who would be happy with Kerry Washington incarnate prancing around their man’s kitchen, waiting on him hand and foot!

Dude, I don’t have to watch any Nollywood/Africa Magic productions to tell you how twisted this story could get! Forget the movies, I have heard my fair share of suburban urban legends involving the helpers being *ahem* too helpful.

So what do y’all think, can somebody, especially a helper, be too pretty for the job?

No more drama: The beauty of hindsight is should a less than ideal situation present itself once again, history and experience offer enough supporting evidence to make you dismiss the offer in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

I think this is what they call maturity or even wisdom - I simply call it a lesson learned way back when, a lesson that I have no intention of repeating, once was more than enough!

Alrighty then, the work is calling so let me get stuck in!

Enjoy your Monday’s chickens :-)

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Is it Friday yet?


You know you are having a crazy week when you are burnt out...and it's only Tuesday and all you can think of is Friday evening, your oasis, far from the madding crowd.

Guys, i have seen flames this week, FLAMES!

All i can hear is Spiderman's aged-grandmother croaking away, "With great power, comes great responsibility"!

Warried for the responsibility bit, just give me the power...and the big cheques and i will be a very, very happy girl.

This week has given me a bit of reprieve (Amen) in the form of training! So i've traded in one hell (people on my case 24-7) for sheer, facking boredom. I love how they try to spice it up though, with all these cool (read: lame) icebreakers...how many times must the ice be broken, seriously? Yesterday's question was, "Describe which Hollywood Star best describes you"....are you kidding me?

The responses ranged from the hilarious (Lassie), to the absurd (a cross between Vin Diesel and Michelle Pfeiffer...i don't know either!). Some people out rightly refused to engage in this breaking of the ice and claimed that they either, a) Didn't watch TV or the movies (but i 'm sure that's a copy of Heat i saw you with earlier, suspect!) or just flatly refused to play along, claiming that Hollywood didn't have anybody who embodied them, physically or otherwise (spoil sports!).

If you are all wondering, i chose Scarlett Johannsson. Yes, i know i am not blonde or caucasian but i .....a) Love that girl's style, b) Love ALL her movies and c)Think her husbands hot (who could forget him in Van Wilder: Party Liason, hehehe).

I would have said Sanaa Latham, but i didn't have the energy to field the "Who the heck is that" questions...you must remember my audience after all.

Hopefully today's session goes by swiftly, wish me luck!

Monday, October 06, 2008

Game recognise Game...well, sometimes anyway :-S


It’s an unwritten rule: Wear a short skirt and you will receive lots of attention, 95% of which is unwanted, unwarranted and unecessary.

I heard my fair share of “game” on Friday night, most all of which was lame, the kind where I had to patiently nod my way through whilst sending pleading looks across the room to male friends to come and hit a “rescue” mission.
Word to the wise, when trying to hold a lady’s attention, do NOT do the following:

Tell me how you made R80k this week? Whoopee twang!
Keep telling me over and over again, what car you drive, where you live….blah blah blah.
Give me your entire life story, I just don’t know you that well…and a little mystery and intrigue goes a long way.
Tell me how much you love your girlfriend, and in the same breath, declare your new-found love for me.
Leer….nothing attractive in leering mate, enough said.
Grab/poke/pull/smack ANY part of me…not cool, ever!

My skirt has officially been retired until further notice, I’ve had enough manhandling to last me a lifetime.

De-ja Vu: It’s happening, I can feel it! It started 6 years ago and it seems to be getting worse. I literally get depressed a few days before my birthday, but now it’s happening a whole two weeks before my birthday, not just a few days It’s kind of ironic, ‘cause I LURVE my birthday but at the same time, as the day’s drawing up to it, I start doing some mental inventory of what I’ve achieved….or rather not achieved and like Flo Rida, I get “Low”.

I know it’s totally irrational, I’m so over this whole 20-something crisis!

Get Ur Freak On: Any Jozi readers go to the Sexpo at Gallagher Estates this weekend? At R100 a ticket, nobody I knew was willing to fork-out that amount to walk around and look at “things”. So let me know if any of you went and don’t be stingy with the details ka!

Thursday, October 02, 2008

My Roora/Lobola* has dropped 10 Base Points with this Post

The art of culinary delight is an absolute mystery to me! What i don't get is, why people enjoy cooking...i don't get it, never have and clearly, never will.

I believe my hang-up over cooking has pyschological ground, ie i blame my mother, lol. Like all African mothers raising girls, my mother was very quick to tell me when i was growing up that i need to learn to cook to feed my husband!

Little did she know that she was up against something fierce - an 11 year old female who had feminist-ish leanings. I grew to intensely resent my imaginary future husband to the point that i wrote a 4-page letter to my mother detailing that i should not be made to do something for someone who does not exist and that we all have our talents and clearly cooking isn't mine so we shouldn't force such matters! Yes, i was a cheeky bugger :-)

Now, you don't go around telling (even in flowery letters) African mother's that you won't do something they're asking you to do. Usually such conversations would result with me being knocked into the middle of next week and meekly giving-in while rubbing my smarting backside. However, that did not happen...my mother actually said she wouldn't force me to cook**, but put a disclaimer that this would all inevitably come back to bite me in the ass eventually.


Fast forward a decade and a bit later and let's just say, my ass has been bitten chomped!
Don't get me wrong, i'm not a total loser...i can boil water without burning it, know the basics...can chop ish like a pro...but i just have no idea what spices go with what most of the time and i only a few basic dishes to my name, that i have perfected. I find the whole waiting for things to saute, simmer, roast, grill sooooooooooooooooooooooooo tedious. I've tried to make it fun, cross my heart i have...but eish, it's a danger!

I know that something needs to be done, so i have called up reenforcements...ie very good friends who take pity on my plight and offered their culinary expertise to ensure i never again use marmalade in a chicken dish (don't ask, that's a story for another day).

Ironically, i can bake like a pro and don't find it boring at all...hehehe, "Give them cake!"

*Roora/Lobola: For anyone reading this who doesn't know what those two terms mean, Roora/Lobola in English would be called a "bride price". In most, if not all, African cultures the prospective groom must present the bride's family with some pretty pennies/livestock/merchandise for the bride's hand in marriage.

Historically, this was meant as a gesture, or token of respect to the bride's family for raising her well and is not meant to be equate to the monetary equivalent of what the bride is "meant" to cost. Although, in this materiday and age, i have heard some horror stories of grooms having to pay with as much as USD$20,000...eeek! (i bet he's was probably thinking, "She better $%#@ing cook like a pro!" when he parted with them dollar bills)

** Honestly speaking, i think my mother was thinking along the lines that at least two of her three daughters knew how to cook and a dishewasher was always needed (a role that i grew to excel at and love, lol).

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Raisin in the Sugar Bowl: So there i was in a departmental meeting with all my peers blissfully chowing on my danish custard (you gotta love breakfast meetings) and trying to concentrate on what the Big Boss is saying when i my colleague on my left leans over and is like, "Psssst, do you notice anything strange in this meeting?" I am about to reply something like, "Ummmm, they're serving lemon-poppy seed muffins today instead of their usual bran muffins" when he continues, "Do you realise we're the only two black people in this meeting and you are one of three females in this meeting? Something's not right."

Note, this was a meeting of at least 50 people!

I know that in South Africa they've got a whole bunch of equal opportunity initiatives in the form of EE/AA and BEE...but dudes, seriously, that meeting was not a clear reflection of the demographic of the a) The country and b) The continent!

Something is Rotten in the State of Denmark Africa.

As one of my good friend's Facebook status's recently read, "I am tired of being the only darkie representative in company meetings, something needs to change!"