Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Monday, September 29, 2008

Monday Mellow Madness


Friday evening met up with some mates for after work drinks. Twas cool, the place was PACKED, getting a table was like find a golden goose egg. After securing our golden goose egg we tossed back the drinks and did some people watching.

At some point in the evening a gaggle of chicks arrived, nothing new i know, but one of them then let out a blood curdling squeal. So the whole place kinda stops and turns with obvious interest to see what the screaming's about, only to notice that there's a hair piece on the floor, a sheepish looking guy, a very traumatised chick grabbing at her head and then a bit of a scuffle where friends of traumatised chick then whisk her off to the bathroom.

That's when the laughing began!

Firstly, why did the guy feel the need to actually pull off her wig...it didn't look like it happened in malice, more like he was kidding around, but sha!!!!!!! *cringe*.

I must give the girl kudos for even coming out of the bathroom and continuing as though nothing had happened, bravo, she's clearly made of sterner stuff. If that was me (given that i also have a soft-spot for hair pieces from time to time), eish, i would have called it a night and escaped under cloak of darkness!


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Crapola: Okay, why wasn't i told that jozi had spiders?! Yah, i know the odds were not in my favour, me still being on the continent of Africa and all, and spiders clearly being native to the region.

But i was hoping that jozi was too metropolitan and urban for these things to survive here. Clearly my having to take out like 3 in my bathroom last night put that myth in my head to rest. Can someone explain why spiders are so freaking fond of bathrooms?????
Heightened Awareness = It's like when your love interest drives a certain car and then all of a sudden all you see is that car on the road...except, in this case it looks like every Tom, Dick and Chikwama has my car, same colour and everything! Boo!
Enjoy your Monday morning chickens!

Keep the Faith & Fight the Power!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Primping + Preening = Pain in the Posterior

Picture the scene:

It's the year 4000 BC, primitive doesn't even begin to describe the inhabitants of the earth. It's hard to differentiate between the cave man and the cave woman if it wasn't for...ummm, certain bits.

Fire is the "it" thing of the moment, followed closely by T-Rex earrings. After a hectic nights bonfire, the cave women are left to clean up whilst the cavemen attempt (again) to take down the neighbourhood woolie mammoth (unfortunately for the woolie mammoth nation, cavemen eventually get a little too good at doing this).

One cavewoman is put in charge of removing the charred logs and ash from the fire, which as you can imagine, is kinda messy. Whilst cleaning up, she pauses to rub her eyes a bit (all the dust is clearly annoying her) and turns to grunt something to some other cavewoman who is now looking at her all mesmerised and excited-like, gesturing wildly as if to ask, "What the heck is on your eyes, i love it!"

This would herald the birth of eyeshadow and eyeliner....and propel women throughout the ages to slap bright coloured, shimmery substances on their faces all in the name of looking good & looking different

Seriously though, i love makeup but its now getting too ridiculous:

- We now wear makeup so to look like we are not wearing make up.
- It's time consuming to get on, time consuming to get off.
- It's expensive (well the good stuff is...and we all want the good stuff).

In varsity, i knew a girl in my res who used to wake up a good 2 hours before her normal waking-up time just to get her face and hair did (i know this coz i was mesmerised by her flawless appearance everyday and just had to ask how she did it). As much as i scorn the utter ridiculousness of such actions, i can't help by admire this kind of dedication! I wish i had an ounce of such discipline, maybe then my hair would actually lie flat and behave, my skin looking flawless and my lips would be all rouged up.

Ahhhhhh, warried* for such things.....first off nothing eats into my sleep time...NOTHING. And secondly, a little makeup goes a long way but when you start looking:

a) nothing like your natural, former self;
b) like Ru Paul - enough said; and,
c) like Barbie's second cousin, twice removed.

It's time to put down the makeup brush ladies and take a well deserved makeup time-out...yah, i'm talking to YOU, lol :-)

*warried (origins = Zim slang, pronouced 'wah-reed'): Meaning - "Couldn't give a rat's a**" basically...oooh, and "apathy" would be another good word.

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Errrr, What's up Doc?: Yesterday, South Africa's 3rd president, Kgalema Motlanthe, was sworn in. Can't help but laugh at the topsy turviness of it all. SA is mediating in Zim for Zim to get a new president and cabinet of ministers, and yet they are the ones who now have a new president and group of ministers....all in the space of like 5 days! Lets hope the current of change is northward bound too ":-)

Driving Miss Daisy: I hate, HATE driving my parents around. Now i know they've known me since the days I lacked any bladder and bowel control, but come on now, i've come a long way since then...i even have motor skills and all to show for it. I had the delightful task of driving my papa around on Heritage Day, eish...pressure times. I am a good driver, honest...but it felt like my driver's test all over again. Thankfully i didn't prang into anything, kill anyone or execute any illegal turns, and in all fairness, he was trying to look comfortable about it all...but eish, there won't be a repeat performance anytime soon.

Raul, Raul, Wherefore Art Thou Raul: I am soooooooooooooo jealous of my younger sister, freaking frolicking in Mexico as we speak with some hottie called Pedro (Spanish names just ooze the hotness sha)! Boo, i want to be knocking back tequila's, wearing a sambrero, looking for a hottie named Raul and annoying the locals with my broken Spanish too! If you are reading this little sis...i want my postcard

NB: I am super obsessed with postcards, if i provide a postal address - when i eventually setup my post box - will you all send me a postcard for my collection, i am more than happy to return the favour...holla back with feedback).

It's 11am and i already in weekend mode and i am in the mood for a large, refreshing Mojito...some dancing...more mojitos...my very own Raul/Pedro and some retail therapy!

Espero que tengas un buen fin de semana hombres! (Hope you have a good weekend!)

V x

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

You are what you are

Depending on whom you ask in South Africa, today is either National Heritage Day or National Braai (Barbeque) Day.  As a lover of red-meat, I am all for the latter, but have loads of respect for the former. 

Who are you? - Simple enough question, freaking hard to answer though!  If you’re like me, you’ll probably end up blubbering something like, “I’m constantly evolving and hard to define” and leave it at that.

Most of us define who we are based on events, incidences, occurrences that have happened to us during our lifetime.  We never really stop to think, “Hey, I got to where I am and  I am whom I am, thanks to a lot of people, both living and dead.” 

I remember a passage from Jostein Gaader’s book, “The Solitaire Mystery”, that, to paraphrase, spoke about how we are all here because we are survivors.  Not just survivors of our own life, but survivors over hundreds of years, since the beginning of time in fact.  Gaader explains that every time an ancestor or ours survived an illness/attack/child birth/imprisonment/infant mortality and so on, we survived.  I don’t know about you, but that makes me pretty darn grateful for being here and for those who got me here.

So today, I think that’s what we all called on to remember: who we are, where we have come from and those who played and play instrumental roles in making and shaping us.

I like to think we are the sum parts of those who have gone before us, those who are with us and those yet to come.

Happy Heritage Day….everyday!

 Heredity

 I am the family face,
Flesh perishes, I live on,
Projecting trait and trace
Through time to times anon,
And leaping from place to place
Over oblivion.

The year–heired feature that can
In curve and voice and eye
Despise the human span
Of durance –that is I;
The eternal thing in man,
That heeds no call to die. 

Thomas Hardy

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**** has hit the fan: Crazy times man, crazy times! Supposedly 11 SA ministers have resigned since Mbeki was given marching orders.  Not to be selfish, but ummmm, what does that do to Zim talks & mediation (which has come to a grinding halt).  These are the only two countries I have ever called home, and they’re both falling apart…dude, I don’t want to relocate anymore!

What are you reading?  I have read all the Mills and Boons I think I can stomach over the last month or two (what, don’t judge), I am now in need of some solid reading material.  |

Any recommendations? What books are YOU reading as we speak?

Monday, September 22, 2008

Set Adrift a Memory Bliss of You



“I think it’s one of those deja-vu things,
or a dream that’s trying to tell me something.
Will I ever stop thinking about it?
I don’t know…I doubt it?
P.M. Dawn


What is it with balmy summer days that get me so damn nostalgic? The smell of freshly cut grass literally propels me back to 1990, when the smell of freshly mowed school fields heralded the onset of summer…and compulsory athletics from 2pm to 3pm *boo*.

A mate of mine had a fantastic belated birthday braai on Saturday. I love the dynamics of braai, African style! In true fashion, I got there wondering where all my girlfriends where, duh, back in the house putting salads and marinating the meat. And the fellas, thankfully not all men have morphed into prissy metrosexuals, and there were some strapping lads attending to the fire. Lol, I love how predictable the male/female dynamics and roles are at these things, like an age old dance of time.

Speaking of dancing, HELA, did we just not break it down old school style. Not a Lil Wayne or Young Jeezy track in sight, the DJ (complete with hectic looking turn tables and all) took us back, waaaaaaaaaaaay back, back into time!

Why do we still know ALL the lyrics to B.I.G’s raps, “B-I-G, P-O-P-P-A, No info for tha D-E-A, Federal Agents mad ‘cause I’m flavoured

Why is it exhausting and uncomfortable to do the running man? (Having boobs now probably doesn’t help)

Why does Da Brat still dress like its 1995?

As the drinks kept flowing, let’s just say the dance moves got more aerobic…and dare I say risqué, lol.

Great friends, Sun, Red Meat, Great Beats ….what more could a girl ask for?

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Going South? Eish, Southern Africa’s leadership is in a bit a quandary! Presidents are either refusing to leave, being fired or giving up the ghost! Never a dull moment around here, that’s for sure! Watching power plays pan out have made me adamant that politics is all about playing dirty and numero uno!

All this is for the people” wah wah wah is bull dust, everyone is looking out for their personal or vested interests and the wants and needs of the people whom they serve are merely an irritating buzz in the background. Fingers crossed that for one day, the good of the masses will be met.

John, Simba & Friends: Remember Violet Moyo? The gwashness, the tone-deaf harmonising? She has been eclipsed in my books by John, Simba & Friends album aptly named, “The Food Album”.

This album is made up of 13-odd tracks paying serious reverence to all things food related (chicken, sadza/pap and pies in particular) and has been out since 2004. I may be 4 years out of the loop, but Nas inspired tracks like “One Bite” and hilarious interludes like the remixed school war-cry, “Meat For Roasting” make this album worth waiting for. You do wonder what inspired these guys to put it together in the first place…I assume boredom, general malness and general nostalgia in the diaspora where driving forces!

Let me provide you with a lyrical sample of their TLC “No Scrubs” inspired track named “No Pie”

(Sing to the melody of the “No Scrubs” bridge & chorus)
“He said, “No, I don’t want to share,
But I can give you my quarter-pear*,
It is over there.”
I looked at him and said, “Pfutseke”

I don’t want your pie,
I think you’re a very stingy guy.
I want a chicken pie, not a kidney pie,
So you can go bye-bye.”

To John, Simba & Friends, I salute your rawness and thank you for putting a smile on my face :-)

*quarter-pear: No idea why an avocado in Zim terms/slang is called a Quarter-Pear? Sooooooooooooooo random?

Random sidenote: God Bless Dischem for their de-lint-er gizmos! My life is now fluff free :-)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Wardrobe Malfunction (sans Justin Timberlake)


It's just one of those man, just one of those days!


Fluff is the order of the day! Whilst trying to figure out what to wear to work this morning, i realised that all my clothes are covered in fluff. Throwing new towels into the washing load is not advisable! It doesn't help that i am a static-y person by nature, if there's fluff in the air, rest assured it will find its way to me. It also doesn't help that it's drier than the backside of a rhino stuck in the Namib desert outside, thus promoting all things static-y!


So after sifting and finding the least fluffed up item of clothing (where's a lint remover when you need one), i eventually make it work. Thing is, as i walking from the car park to the office lets just say things feel breezier than they really should. I look down and realise that the original slit on the front of my skirt has...well, its grown by a least an extra 3 or 4 cm's, which doesn't sound like much, but the original slit was already quite high. So yah, today peeps in the office are gonna cop more than an eyeful.

All i need now is to pop out of my shirt or something, then i will call it a day, lol :-)

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The dotted line: My cousin back home was good enough to breakdown just how the power has been distributed in Zim. I was looking at the list of "newly" appointed ministers (ummm, there seemed to be quite a few "old" favourites on that list) and was baffled when i came across the title of Minister of Prisons? Come now, doesn't prison administration fall under whomever is Minister of Justice etc? Thought that rather random! Anywho, with the ink still drying on this contract, lets hope things start looking up :-)


Who Would've Thunk: So this is my 100th blog post of the year, and my 300th blog post ever.

For someone with the attention span of a gnat, i am mad chuffed and impressed that i've even got this far, lol. Thanks to those of you who drop by and give my humble blog a read, keep coming through and drop a comment when you get the time!

Monday, September 15, 2008

4.23am!!!!!!!!

4.23am is NOT a kosher time to be up my friends, on a Monday of all days either!

The birds were twittering LOUD, the sun was out & about and i was awake trying to make sense of it all...at 4.23am.

I also made the mistake of sleeping with the window open, which wouldn't be a biggie if it hadn't been for the itty bitty fact that....well, last night was effing freezing.

So i am now sitting by my desk, having worked through a huge wad of kleenex tissues and starting to resemble Rudolph the Red Nosed reindeer!

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Alan Shaw *swoon* : First off, how did i manage not to watch a single episode of Boston Legal? No idea, but since i've got my hands on Season 1 to 5 of the show, i have been moving through Season 1 rather swiftly! Yah yah yah, i know, very delayed action here, but better late than never! I just can't understand why i find Alan Shaw attractive????

My Way, Or the Highway: I don't like getting lost and i know that people say that's the only way to learn how to get around but it honestly just sucks! Yesterday i executed one of many illegal moves by turning down a one way street....ah well, you live you learn.

Hint Hint: It's exactly ONE month till my birthday...La La La La La. Am just saying :-)

Enjoy your Monday people!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Finally! About Bruddy Time!

So last night i was laying about in my couch-less, tv-less living room (*sigh*) watching Reaper off my laptop and trying to understand why a show is promoting the Devil as a misunderstood guy who just ultimately wants to be liked(wtf?) when i got an sms from my girl telling me that Breaking News on all major news channels is that Zim powersharing talks have come to an end and that something has been worked out.

First emotion: Relief

Second emotion (literally following First emotion on it's heels): Sceptism...just what has been reached?

Anywho, some document is gonna be signed by the two parties next Monday, lets hope that some good comes out of all this...living in limbo sucks serious a*s, like Dorothy said in The Wizard of Oz, "There's no place like home."


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Super TED: Have any of you ever heard of TED? It's this forum where the world's greatest thinkers and doers come together and talk on a subject, giving their ideas and insights. The topics range from the most random of the random to some pretty relevant stuff.

It sounds quite dorkish, but i sh*t you not, i can't get enough of it! Especially of this talk given by a woman by the name of Helen Fisher talking about the evolution and trends in human relationships and where we're supposedly headed. I know, it sounds all pie in the sky but it's worth checking out, click here!

It's The Final Countdown: Am i the only one literally counting down the days till pay day (13, in case you were wondering). This weekend is gonna be so low-key, only non-money inducing activities will be entertained, like that Simply Red song goes, "Money's too tight to mention!"

Hope you all have a thrilling, inexpensive weekend! Be good :-)

V x

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Rollin' wit the homies



Yesterday after work i went and picked up my brand spanking new ride! It's been 3 and 1/2 months since i've driven anything, so lets just say that i was seriously starting to wonder if 8yrs worth driving experience could vanish after a 3 month hiatus from the road.

These concerns were completely unwarranted 'cause when i drove my baby off the dealership floor (quietly thankful that my insurance had kicked in by now), it was like riding a bicycle.

Navigating joburg rush hour traffic, eish, now that was ANOTHER story altogether! Here there are actual rules of the road that must be adhered to as well as something they call "common courtesy" (hahaha), lets just say in Zim over the last few years, the rules of the road have become more like guidelines...very informal guidelines, subject to personal preferences.

I am quite chuffed with myself today, i ventured onto the highway and have lived to tell the tale. Can i get an "Amen"!

Disclaimer: The dire(ride) in the picture is SO not mine, but we can dream innit.

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Everybody needs good neighbours: Found a note on my car this morning from Mr CLK apologising, quite profusely, for taking over my parking bay. Felt a bit shy 'cause he'd replied on the note i'd left on his car and after re-reading what i had originally written, realised why Mr CLK was basically grovelling...Could i have been any more curt??? Note to self: Don't write the first thing that comes to mind!

Monday, September 08, 2008

There goes the Neighbourhood

I moved into my new place over the weekend and let me just go on the record and formally state that…. “I Effing Love Suburbia!”

What’s not to like? Waking up the sounds of birds larking about outside, polite neighbours who do that whole “how do you do” routine, gorgeous views *sigh*. I swear, I’ve died and gone to Suburbia Heaven!

Not to speak too soon, but even heaven has got its problems, like Mr CLK dude who appears to have taken a liking to my parking bay! Hopefully a neighbourly, “Park off somewhere else dude” note will do the trick, if not, I may just have to get loco on his hot ride.

So the bulk of Friday night was spent unloading stuff and packing stuff away! There are a lot of positives for living on the top floor; sadly I would not list having to climb three flights of stairs whilst carrying a thousand trips up and down the stairs from the car to the new pad as a positive. Whilst unpacking I also learnt the golden rule, “One can never have too many coat-hangers.”

Saturday was a be-yooooooooooooooooou-tiful day! Clear blue sunny skies, so of course, a braai had to be had! The summer skirts and dresses were out in full force, the drinks were flowing, mad dance moves were being executed, eish and some of us (read: me) got a bit crunk…it was a bit of a danger.

Sunday was spent regrouping, catching a few rays and not doing much, which is generally a perfect way to spend a Sunday!

It sucks having to spend the whole day indoors doing work, when i can see the sun shining outside! Ah well, back to the daily grind i guess!

Friday, September 05, 2008

Foot in Mouth Disease

I shouldn’t be let out on the streets unsupervised!

I’ve been walking around with my foot in my mouth all week! You would think that after one or two incidents that I would learn to keep my trap shut and not blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. No gems of wisdom where gained from my faux pas-ing for most of the week, it would clearly take something big to silence me for good.

That “big something’ occurred yesterday after a meeting at a huge client I am doing some work for.

After the meeting snacks and drinks were provided and people where mingling and my colleagues and I were swapping notes, the usual lets-leave-early stories, when we were interrupted by some man who wanted to meet us all.

So I am busy introducing myself and my colleagues and then realise that I have no idea who this man is, so in true Vimbai fashion I’m like, “Sorry, I didn’t get your name…are you working on this project too?”

I hadn’t even finished my “blurt” when I notice my colleagues looking shocked and shifting nervously, the unknown gentleman in question is looking amused. I’m still standing around, wandering what the fuss is about…until thankfully, my workmate takes pity on me and all but whispers that the “unknown” gentlemen is none other than The Big Boss, The Suit of all Suits...the Head Honcho… The Man.

I don’t blush. This time I did. I think I may have even stammered a little.

Thank the heavens The Man appeared to have a sense of humour, I managed to stammer through a few minutes of small talk and then exited the scene with my brand new Aldo shoe firmly lodged in my oesophagus!

In these parts, they call that a C.L.M. = Career Limiting Move!

“My stupid mouth,
Has got me in trouble,
I said too much again....

And i could see clearly
An indelible line was drawn
Between what was good
What just slipped out and what went wrong."

John Mayer
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Homecoming Queen: I am spending the first weekend in my new pad, yay! I would like to thank my fantastic sibling for taking me in, giving me closet space and letting my stuff clutter up her place while I got my ish together. Muchos gracias!

To the rest of y'all, may the weekend bring you lots of love, laughter and lemonade!

V x

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Faking the Funk

The winter thermal vests have been pulled out again as this cold front shows no sign of letting up! Even though summer temps of 28degrees plus have been predicted for the weekend, Unwritten, I suggested you pack some winter woollies for your trip to the city of Gold this weekend.

So even though there’s nothing summery going on, I was decided to fake the funk and act like it was summery which entailed dousing myself in bronzer foundation before leaving the house.

Once again, I think I was bit too heavy handed with the foundation and let just say, I’m rocking that two-tone look :-)

My face and my neck are NOT the same skin shade, hehehehe, at least I am sparkling!

Either way, lookout summertime, ‘cause I am definitely looking to get my shine on!

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Some Like It Hot: I have the blandest taste-buds on earth! Even the mildest form of chilli has my eyes and nose tearing, its actually quite sad.

Today I decided to venture out and try some hot chicken for a change, none of this “Lemon and Herb” what-what. Lets just say, 3 glasses of water and a runny nose later, I can STILL feel that “mild” chilli burning my lips. Baby steps I guess….

Grasping at Straws: When a celebrity feels the need to report on how they feel their farts smell like roses, eish, you realise that things are tight and they’ll make a story where they can…isn’t that right Jessica Simpson!

Random Rant: The ladies reading this can empathise, what's with buying like a thousand hair bands and not being able to find one???? I turned my bedroom and bathroom upside down this morning trying to find one of those critters! Watch, one of them will turn up when i actually don't need one, Murphy's Law and what-what!

Monday, September 01, 2008

A Spring in My Step


Rumour has it that it's Spring Day today! You wouldn't think it, what with gale force winds and some crazy chill in the air. The only true evidence that Spring is in the vicinity is the increased sneezing and watering eyes, hayfever sucks!

I am such a great mood, it may have something to do with the 20-odd hours of sleep i caught up on between Saturday and Sunday. I feel like a Duracell bunny, all charged up and ish!


Friday night was too much fun! The Usual Suspects were rounded up and we headed off to Sixx in Melville for a bit of debauchery! I really should have eaten some form of starch before heading out, which would explain, howafter one jager bomb the evening took an exciting lift!


A lot of dancing and winding was conducted. I got engaged too, was lots of fun having a fiance for most of the night and crapping out over-zealous waitresses for flirting with said-fiance, hehehe. Then there was lots of serious battering of eyelashes and issuing of coy smiles to the hotties across the room (clearly i am rubbish at the whole "being engaged" thing, lol). All in all, it was an interesting night!


The rest of the weekend was a blur which involved minimal activity and lots and lots of sleeping! I did manage at some point to get up, go to the mall and pick out some stuff for my new casa! It's a bit disconcerting how totally in love i am with my new laundry basket, i'm such a dork :-)

On that note, let me go! Have a great Monday!