Friday, February 01, 2008

"Slap My Thigh and Call Me Sally Britney"

"Papa i'm a millionaire,
Sax 5th Ave don't sell affection.
Papa i'm a millionaire,
but i ain't moving in the right direction,
Something ain't right"

Never in a gazillion years did i EVER think that any conversation with father would begin with him asking me, "So what's going on with that Britney girl?."

Guys, i nearly choked on my breakfast? WTF?

My father is a typical old-school African man, ie, totally oblivious to the lives and loves of the Hollywood sect. More importantly, he couldn't be bothered with such nonsense after all it doesn't change the price of bread does it. But even he couldn't ignore the walking disaster that is Ms Spears after all, its splashed all over the news and seeing that the news channel and the sports channel are the only places i've seen my dad navigate on the remote, he was bound to hear about her.

I, on the other hand, can't help but be fascinated with such rubbish. Yes, i know i shouldn't and that it doesn't affect anyone's lives, but its addictive.

I had to supress my urge to squeal and in my head best formulate the best way to summerise The Downfall & Demise of Ms Spears under 2 minutes or i'd lose his attention. As i began to brief my dad on Britney 101 i realised the utter absurdity of the things i was saying and just how bad the situation is with this girl.

Phrases like, "She shaved her head", "She bought her car recently in her wedding dress" and "She's usually high on Crystal Meth" shouldn't really appear in normal conversation. That's when i really started feeling bad (yes, i know i shouldn't care but its hard to see someone being so self-destructive even if its someone so far removed from my life).

After my brief synopsis, my father was already bored with the whole conversation and stated, "She's basically a nutter then," before switching over to one of the sports channel.

I was left thinking, "Nah, she's just someone who has made a lot of mistakes and needs a huge time-out...that and an African mother to hit her upside the head to knock some sense into her, that would definitely do the trick!".

"What's a girl to do when she just has dimes, no time, just play.
What's a girl to do instead of me it's you'll be true,
What's a girl to do in a world of greed but kneel and pray.
What's a girl to do when she's lost her long time friends, that's life."
Kelis feat Andre 3000 - "Millionaire"

On a lighter note let me wish you all (i couldn't bring myself to write y'all) a 'm outtie, have a fabulous weekend everyone!

V x


Joe Black said...

Okay, now this is scary. I wrote an article for next week's paper THIS VERY MORNING about the very same Miss Titney Rears.

Guess there's no avoiding her, what with media saturation and all.

Rise above people, Rise. Above.

Vimbai said...

Joe: Bra, NOONE can escape her demise...unless you are a bhuddist monk living under a rock somewhere...but even then, i suspect you'd still hear such news!

Wazzie said...

Dad was into Madonna back in the day. Do you remember that Madonna in concert video we had at home - that was his. Also the first television screening of BAD (Jacko). LOL so I guess an interest in Brittas aint so out there.

Don't believe a word I write said...

You dad sounds like a card! He also managed to sum up Britney in a few concise words, and I like it!

Vimbai said...

wazzie: Oh cringe, i forgot about that Madonna tape! Now i've got the following lyrics stuck in my head sha, "You can be my Lucky Star, coz you shine on me wherever you are."

D.B.A.W.I.W: Yup, the old man has zero tolerance for nutty behaviour, lol.