Wednesday, January 30, 2008

A Rovha's* Life is a Lonely Life

"Sittin' in the mornin' sun
I'll be sittin' when the evenin' come
Watching the ships roll in
And then I watch 'em roll away again"
Otis Redding - "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay"

The euphoria of being "between jobs" (technically, i'm not unemployed) is wearing thin! I have exhausted all forms of time-wasting activities, money permitting and all that. Even took a trip across the border that was mafaro**-orientated...thing is, unless all your mates are playing truant/between jobs/general slackers, chances are you have noone to hang out with, boo!

It would have been nice to have someone sitting next to me to pass me the Kleenex during the viewing of the movie, "Griffin & Phoenix***" which left me in snot & tears. It would have been nice to have someone to dissuade me from buying that pair of trousers which i realise only now are not looking that good at all.

Living out of a suitcase was also getting on my tits! I was fast running out of clean clothes and most importantly, was missing my bed at home. My bed and i have an ongoing love affair, it takes a lot to leave it in the morning and practically make a beeline for it after a hard days slog...but seeing as i have yet to slog, i guess my bed is going to see more of me than is really necessary.

I can't wait to hit the 8-5 slog again, freaking heck, i will even go on the record and say i'm looking forward to working overtime, lol. Until then, i need to create more structure to my days. I have a list lined up, how i love them lists:

1) Get back on the wagon of working out, somewhere between Christmas and New Years i sort of rolled off it, but a few kg's have crept back on, so back to jogging (read: walking) for me.

2) Finish the last 12 chapters of that epic lovestory i'm supposed to be writing for Mills and Boons. After the enthusiasm of coming up with Chapter 1 i ran out of steam, lol.

3) Stay away from the TV, it will only encourage my slacker behaviour.

4) Look into that fashion design course that so-and-so did, two months is a LONG time to kill, and,

5) If push comes to shove, take up gardening (don't scoff, i have nimble greenfingers).

For now, i am content to crawl back into bed and perfect the art of doing nothing!

* Rovha (shona slang) - A general slacker
**Mafaro (shona) - A joyful activity or sensation that usually involves alcohol and the like.
*** I have no idea what's going on in Hollywood, but all the movies that were on were death orientated. A little morbid methinks.

PS I know this is somewhat belated but RIP Heath Ledger, sadly, the good die young.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Talk is Cheap

All alcohol should come with some sort of disclaimer, for example,

"The following beverage may cause drowsiness,
the inability to operate heavy machinery,
n increased opinion of oneself (
"I'm so hot i don't know what to do with myself"),
encourage the emergence of one's many alter egos,
may cause you to imitate Rihanna's-rubbish-performance-at-a-concert
in front of 20 people you have only met 20mins prior to
said dance performance
will cause you to sing-a-long to every song that plays in the club/bar/tv/radio
ultimately resulting in the loss of your voice
the morning after the night before."

I know there are way more alcoholic side-affects that i've missed out, but loss of ones voice is the worst in my opinion. Like now, my voice is currently a raspy, wispy voice that i kind of like. If i put a french lilt to it, i sound positively seductive a la Cell C chick. But it won't last. Tomorrow it will be gone and will make a guest appearance around Tuesday and resurface for good around Friday (i know the drill by now).

This doesn't go down well with me at all, you see, i LOVE to talk the talk (Can i get an "Amen"). I'm sure those around me will be deliriously happy to get a moments peace for the better part of the week, but i'm gutted, a voiceless life, is a bleak prospect. How will i listen to Mariah without attempting to reach her high notes, how? *sniff sniff*

This weekend taught me two things:

1) The Consumption of Alcohol+Singing Like A Mad Woman +Talking Incessantly+Talking over Loud Music in a Bar/Club/Car = *the sound of crickets*

2) That i'm not officially the holder of the Damn-She-Can't-Be-Quiet award...Ladies and Gentlemen, the votes came in and it appears i hang out with a lot of contenders for that title...birds of a feather and all of that.

To speak, perchance to sing *sigh*

Monday, January 21, 2008

Wisdom and Money coming my way!

Freaking heck, it seems that i brought all the rain (and powercuts) from H-town to the City of Gold. Its been 4 months already, i am done with this rain business...DONE! Rain is the black woman's nemesis, the things that this humidity is doing to my hair, eish, it's a danger! Thank the Lord for ceramic irons (or rather, thank the Lord for making the guy/girl who took it upon themselves to invent these nifty hair utensils).

On the subject of hair, wealth and wisdom are coming my way this morning...i discovered my first grey hair last night! Okay, i shouldnt take all the credit, my sister found it and then ceremoniously yanked it out to show me *ouch*. I was so proud of it which was odd, prematurely greying isn't really a cause of celebration. I pray its an omen of good things to and wisdom (but if i had to choose, i would take the money, lol).

At the same time, i hope i'm not venturing into the world of Henna and all such dying products, i mess with my hair too much as it is without adding dying to the mix!

Is it too much to ask for the wealth of a thousand sheiks? Please little grey hair of mine, send Mama straight to the bank!

Friday, January 18, 2008

The Art of Giving Good Phone

Not so long ago i was an improvished student who was gulliable enough to fall for the "great" idea that her very good and then-neighbour proposed to help the both of us deal with our financial woes. You see, we were both running low on dosh and had to face the fact that those drinks at the club and frequent retail therapy trips to the mall weren't going to pay for themselves.

I flatly refused to do anything that involved serving people food, in my mind nothing could be worse than waitressing. I was proved wrong when i was introduced to the big, bad world of Call Centres. I wasted 5 hours a day of my life for about six weeks calling up people around Suid Afrique asking them to update their details on such-and-such subscriptions. Hour-by-hour i could slowly feel my brain-cells exploding one-by-one.

I spoke to my fair share of: paranoid, despie housewives, "And WHY do you want to speak to my husband?"; lonely old people, "Have you heard the joke of the singing parrot"(oh bless their cotton socks); PA's you seemed to know TOO much info, "Greg-, i mean Mr Jones does not care for such magazines" (i bet he cares for other things tho *snicker snicker*); and people who simply didn't have the time, "F**k off, ---------*dial tone*".

However once in while, if you were really, really lucky and the Call Centre Fairy (no pun intended) smiled down on you, you got to speak to some very YUMMY gentlemen with a voice that could melt butter, it was so smooth! Your usual 2min timed-to-the-second call script would now take you about 10mins, interspersed with fits of giggles and comments like, "Mr X... okay if you must insist, Derek *giggle giggle*.....that's SO funny *giggle giggle* to get through and you would most likely only hang up when you catch your supervisor glaring at you with raised eyebrows.

After getting used to the monotony of the script and questions i had to ask, i started seeing a bit of a pattern. People seemed to be more responsive if you smiled while you talked, not fake smiling but the real kind (it helps to be sitting next to a mate telling you why exactly the guy sitting 3 seats down keeps running to pee every 10mins), also speaking in low dulcet tones keeps them hanging to your every word as opposed to a high pitched nasal tones (more Beyonce less David Beckham here) and a little flirting never killed anybody (yes, i said it).

The skills i took for granted came in handy this morning when i had to charm the socks off a certain recruiter. I was sweating bullets, i won't lie! But the lessons i learnt from that crusty little call centre were put to very good use.

Fingers and toes crossed :-)


A sneak preview of what's keeping me warm and fuzzy this weekend,

Happiness thy name is Mojito!

Have a fabulous weekend chicas & chicos

V x

Thursday, January 17, 2008

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished...

So in keeping with trying to be a better person this new year*and keeping my dark side at bay i was (emphasis on was) hoping to bring love and peace to all those around me. I'm officially done with the do-goodery after its come back to slap in the face, boo!

There i was minding my own business (aren't i always *hehehe*) when Friend A starts asking me what's the deal with Friend B's attitude and what not. Bear in mind, Friend A and Friend B aren't themselves friends, i am the weird crossover bit in this Venn Diagram of cliques so to speak.

Feeling that Friend A is getting the wrong end of the stick about Friend B, i speak up and highlight B's charming qualities that A hasn't probably had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of. You know the saying, "Only speak up if you have good things to say." Well i had MANY good things to say, i laid it on thick and no, i wasn't lying, B isn't half bad :-)

Cue violin playing and me skipping off into this distance thinking "How lovely am i".

Skip ahead 12 hours later; Friend C (eish, there are a lot of people in this gwan all of sudden) hollers to let me that Friend B is livid at me for talking smack about her? Ummmm, come again! Which part of i-sang-her-praises is the universe not getting here. I came to B's defense and now i'm paying for it, what the heck did Friend A say...or not say.

Now you see, 2007-me would have put her case to the jury to help B see the light and make A repeat every damn thing i told her in front of B. However 2008-me has just one word for the whole gwan, "WARRIED**". I did a good deed, it bit me the bum and now i must live with backlash...geesh, its hard to be a martyr ;-)

* How long can i keep calling this year "new"? Oh and while i am asking that, how long is the New South Africa gonna keep being new, after 10 years aren't you now officially kinda just asking.

** Warried (sounds like "worried" but with an "a"): Lovely zim slang that basically means, "I don't give a rat's arse***"

*** Personally, i'm not really acquainted with any rat's arses, but you get the gist of what i'm trying to say here.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Stripes & Solids

All those late nights spent at the infamous Pig and Swizzle honing my pool skills came to waste yesterday when I was thrashed, THRASHED at pool. When I am usually asked if I’m any good at the game my standard response is, “I’m not a pro, but I’m fairly decent”, well yesterday proved that I was rubbish. I sank…wait for it, ONE ball the whole game!

I wish I could blame it on the beverage I was drinking, sadly I doubt that Coca Cola comes with some sort of disclaimer warning consumers that they may suffer from impaired Pool playing. Ah, the shame of it all, the shame *sniff sniff*

It was great to know that I hadn’t lost any of my poor sportsmanship either, lol. My family could regale you with tales from the past of my epic tantrums after losing at a game of tennis, Crazy Eight, Scrabble – the list is endless. Yesterday’s game proved that my inner John McEnroe was alive and kicking.

Wisely however, I realised that the hysterics I could get away with at 7yrs wouldn’t cut it anymore so I resorted to blaming everything for my crap performance.

My opponent had to put up with my whinging about my cue (which was replaced, surprisingly my game didn’t improve), poor lighting, the size of the pool table, yes the blame culture was in full effect.

Unlike my 7yr old former self though, I didn’t stomp off mid-game in a huff…I stuck the whole game out, till the bitter, gruelling end. That teensy display of maturity goes to prove there’s some hope for me yet in 2008:-)


PS: On a random note, I need to update my music collection any suggestions to what I should be listening to? Please, I am sick of all the stuff I’ve got.

PSS: Any suggestions as to where I can download music from? Esnips has gone and lost the plot on me, boo!

Monday, January 14, 2008

“Oh what a feeling I’m feeling life”

The last 48hrs have been schweet, my honey and I were ensconced in co-habitational (not sure that is a word), bliss over the weekend. There’s nothing like cuddling on the couch in your pj’s watching really awful tv with a severe case of bed-head knowing the person sitting right next to you thinks you are still as sexy as hell (his words, not mine *smug smile*). Don’t get me wrong, when I get around it to, I clean up real good…but my preferred state is one of vegetation, on a couch, watching straight-to-video flicks.

So you know how I’d said in my previous post that I wouldn’t make any New Year’s resolutions, well I think I may have to take it back. You see, this weekend my phone took an unexpected swim and after administering a few rounds of CPR, frantic shaking and cooing repeatedly in a Nicole Kidman-esque voice reminiscent of her character in “Cold Mountain”, “Come back to me, come back.” I realised there was no hope, little Ella wasn’t waking up anytime soon.

That’s when it hit me, I really shouldn’t be getting attached to inanimate objects (especially the ones that vibrate, haha). If I own it and it useds batteries or needs a charger, chances are high (about 99,8% high) that I have named it and created some elaborate personality profile for the object.

Take Ella for example, she was a lovely gal, a little misunderstood perhaps. Most people found her a bit showy, they couldn’t see past her svelte Samsung x820 frame to see that she was just like any other phone. Sadly, most people just couldn’t get past her looks J Don’t get me started on my Laptop, “Nina.”

However, the madness must stop. My heart shouldn’t literally start breaking just because the inanimate object in question has flown the coop, for goodness sakes, most of these things have a 12 month life span. From here on out, no more naming things, after all they’re just stuff…and stuff can be replaced!

“How come everything I think I need, always comes with batteries.”
John Mayer ‘Something’s Missing’

Monday, January 07, 2008

Glad to be Back!

As great as it was to drop off the blogosphere for a few weeks, I must say, I missed it just a tinny weeny bit (read: I developed a nervous twitch). Time flies ‘cause here we are in 2008, who would have thunk?

To summarise the events of the last few weeks in a sentence: Xmas was aite spent in the bhundus contemplating my ancestors and the meaning of life (pretty deep), my siblings and i hosted a drink-up which had a pretty good turnout - i just hated the cleaning up the morning after the night before.

New Year's Eve was pretty good seeing as we didnt have a plan until like 11.35pm, lol. It all came right once i had escaped getting knocked off a table by a bouncer while trying to jump into a club and make it in time for the countdown, which i did. I ushered in the new year to Kanye's "The Good Life".

This year I did away with corny New Years resolutions, coz truth be told, i probably will have broken them by the end of the first week of January anyway. Instead, I am going to try ( I stress, try!) to follow the wise words of the following poem, “Desiderata of Happiness”.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata