Thursday, November 22, 2007

Playing it nonchalant

As some of you might have noticed, I’ve been in a bit of a rut of late. Lots of things in my life have to change, one of them being my job…yes, I know I’ve said this before but this time I’m not only saying something about it but am actually doing something about it too :-)

The more I either research or participate in interviews the more I get the feeling that I’m about to go on some huge date of sorts.

You’ve got to admit, the similarities are uncanny.

The Night Before

  • Try and find out absolutely everything about prospective mate/employer, resorting to
    a) Googling them (God bless Google);
    b) Calling up friends who have any inside knowledge on prospective mate/employer, most importantly, what “type” of person they’re looking for.
  • Have hypothetical conversations in your head with prospective mate/employer, trying to pre-empt any questions that may be thrown to your way.
  • Rehearse how to come across as witty, engaging and intelligent, but in a entirely unrehearsed way.

The Morning After the Night Before

  • Obsess over what to wear at first meeting trying to find a balance between enhancing your best feminine bits without looking like a woman of loose morals.
  • Call up friends for a last minute spirit boosting talk, said friends should provide calm, soothing reassurance with statements like, “You’ll blow them away” and “You’re the baddest mofo on the block”.
  • Debate whether to put on makeup shades you haven’t experimented with yet like that bright red blush still in its wrapping.
  • Decide against the crimson blush at the last minute (common sense finally kicking in) in case you end up looking like Aunt Sally from Worzel Gumidge.
  • Watch the clock obsessively fearful that somehow a couple hours will pass without you noticing.

En Route to Rendezvous

  • Don’t open window on drive for fear of messing up strategically hair-do.
  • Attempt to find something soothing to listen to, however find you are too jumpy so even the likes of Texas sounds like some heavy dirty south gangsta rap.
  • Opt for silence instead.
  • Decide to use silence constructively and send a shout-out to the Big Man in the Sky hoping he can score you a big favour (pretty please).

Final destination

  • Do last minute hair plumping and lip balm application in the car.
  • Announce yourself to the maître de/receptionist who assesses you with exaggerated disdain (am I being paranoid or are they actually smirking!).
  • Silently give yourself a last-minute pep talk although to all onlookers it looks like you are thoroughly engrossed in the reading material found in the elaborate waiting area.

Show Me What You Got Lil' Mama

  • At the mention of one’s name from said “date” miraculously morph into the perfect blend of charming nonchalance (thanks to previous nights rehearsals).

    Let the dazzling begin…

Grand finale

  • Smile and laugh where appropriate (even if said remark is as dry as the Kalahari).
  • Reiterate just how happy you are to have this meeting/get together without giving off an air of desperation or stammering.
  • Say cordial goodbyes, walk off to your car all the while praying that they will call.......... (after all, didn’t they promise to.)

Exit

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