Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Performance reviews in an alternate reality

In all my excitement at it being the end of the year I had completely forgotten, or rather conveniently ignored that this time of the year means a lot of things in the big bad working world, one of them being dreaded performance appraisls.

In T-minus 45mins I have to have a one-on-one with the dreaded dragon-lady-boss to go over what I’ve been up to over the last 12 months. It’s not that I concerned about my performance at work, not at all, its just that any activity that involves the dragon-lady-boss is usual unpredictable and this is one of those situations where unpredictable is not good all. All that stands between me and my full yearly bonus is this dreaded meeting, eish.

I’ve been discretely observing her from the corner of my eye for the last few minutes and its looks like she’s having a good day (fingers crossed) which hopefully means minimal incoherent ramblings from her part during the meeting.

Performance appraisals suck, but at least they’re restricted to one aspect of our lives; just imagine they spilled over into other facets of our lives, like relationships. Every individual and their significant other would be meeting up to have conversations that went a little like this:

Partner 1: It’s been a few months since we hooked up at Joe Blogg’s crazy house party and we’ve been quite serious since then so I thought now would be a great time to assess your performance in this relationship.
Partner 2: Is it that time already? Golly whiz, how the time flies!.

Partner 1: Would you say you display a supportive attitude and rapport with me, your significant other?
Partner 2: Indeed I do, don’t you remember that night at [Insert Location] I had your back when your girls/boys took the mickey out of you, so I would rate myself pretty highly for my supportive attitude then.

Partner 1: Would you say you’ve been willing to work necessary overtime and take up additional responsibilities in this relationship.
Partner 2: Why sure, if you think back on that time you were tied up at work and I picked you up some food/tampons/bog roll and took up the roles of counsellor, chef and massage therapist when you got back to your place after a rather stressful day at the office.

Partner 1: You’ve done pretty well thus far. In the bedroom, however, would you say that you continually strive for continuous improvement and excellence of service delivery in that department?
Partner 2: (some shuffling in the chair and clearing of one’s throat) Well, I’ve never heard any complaints from you and given previous assessments from your predecessors I would say I score top marks in this department.

What I would give to be a fly on a wall if such conversations came up between people, lol.

Anywho, let me go and do some last minute prep for my review.


Anita said...

Hey, good luck with that! Hope all goes well and you manage to get all you deserve for the blood, sweat and tears put in!

Ruby said...

Good luck Babe!
I'm sure it will go well tho:-)

Vimbai said...

Thanks guys, it went better than expected, was almost....dare i say it, nice! No surprises (thank goodness).

With that safely out of the way i can now go back to obsessing about what to do with my year end vac & what pressies i'm getting ;-)