Monday, July 02, 2007

Fools and Horses

On Friday my place of gainful employment had a big piss-up under the guise of some corporate-teamwork-orientated event; of course some of us knew better! It’s amazing just how much booze is consumed at these types of events and most importantly, how much career-suicide is committed at such events.

It’s Monday morning and the office is alive and tittering about episodes that occurred that evening;“oh my gosh, did you see so-and-so in a tight embrace with so-and-so” or “so-and-so got ridiculously drunk and was seen harassing the head honcho”. The walk of shame has been performed this morning by many a guilty party!

Personally, as a rule I don’t drink at any work events, this is after witnessing a terrible incidence at a function at my first place of gainful employment. The night ended up with the CEO’s secretary accusing her boss of being gay *eeek*, making repeated advances on certain male clients invited to the function and ended up with her falling into a crumpled heap in one of the hallways. There is just no coming back from that…ever!

Tired with the same old weekend routine and drinking haunts, I decided to throw caution to the wind and get out of the big bad city, well for the day at least. My partner-in –crime and I found ourselves doing a tad bit of horse-riding in the vast, outback…okay maybe not the outback, more like the vast savannah plains! Lets just say it was an experience; firstly while all the other riders where given strapping, healthy mares to ride I was given some dodgy looking wanna-be stallion which should have been turned into glue a while ago and this mare in question (probably picking up my anti vibes) proceeded to purposely walk into each and ever bush along the trail, my scratched up leg is evidence of this injustice!

I’ve never been a fan of horses the way some prepubescent white girls were at my old junior school. Yes I owned the mandatory My Little Pony doll and on many a vacation, I find myself on a horse trail, sometimes not out of choice, but in general I was and am still quite warried** about them. It’s all overrated; riding a horse is not the most comfortable experience in the world, they smell funny and there’s always the danger of it running off with you.

I like the idea of horse riding more than the act itself; I like the idea of wearing jodhpurs & wielding a whip *dirty smirk*, I like the idea of riding some fierce looking Black Beauty with a braided mane equestrian-style and best of all, I like the idea of hitting one of those moves where the horse is on its two back legs and looking all victorious and stuff. The reality is I usually find myself praying that horse just strolls really slowly and does not try to hit one of those trotting/cantering/galloping stunts and most importantly, i really pray that I can walk properly, not bow-legged-like, after the whole affair (people start asking funny questions).

** Warried (pronounced wah-reed) = Zim slang to describe a state of general apathy/indifference and...well warriedness, lol.


Anonymous said...

Ever tried elephant riding?"Bow-legged-like" is definetly an understatement of the after wont even be able to walk, actualy to stand..Ok maybe am exaggerating a bit but its a mission.

Vimbai said...

Anon: I just got a visual, ouch doesn't quite cover it!

Anonymous said...

but Vimsi inga we are leading a parallel life of sorts. I too went horse riding this weekend - and what I love about this country is that the moment a person of colour does something that is deemed unstereotypical - well! U should have seen the spectators - and there I was think the Williams sisters, Tiger and Lewis had hooked it all up for us!

Vimbai said...

Anon: Parallel universe indeed...maybe there was something in the air this weekend, lol.

Our people may have conquered tennis, gold and Formula 1...but there's still diving, bowls, gymnastics, vollyball and all things equestrian to move strong, lol

The Randomness said...

Vimbai, just spotted your blog when I was peeping PaulaD and must tell you I love it love it love it! I am so homesick right now just reading your blog. Bob has gone and made beggars of them farm managers...damn! it must be cracked me up - since when did beggars become choosers roflmao. As for niece didn't put me in the loop... or maybe I missed the memo - now I am in lol...chakanaka chakanaka!

Vimbai said...

Welcome The Randomness (love the name)! read in and i'm sure you'll pick up more slang you can use on your niece :-)