Monday, July 30, 2007

Sunny skies & Sultry smackers

Living in the tropics, we only know of two seasons; winter and summer, those transitional seasons spring and autumn just don’t exist in these parts.

I’m so happy to announce that summer has officially made her debut in this part of the world over this past weekend, with glorious temps of +29 degrees Celsius. Some “spring” cleaning needs to be done, wardrobes need to revising, legs need to be waxed to perfection, ah yes, summer is here my friends J

My weekend was mellow, spent the better half of Saturday getting my hair braided a ritual I haven’t undertaken since my varsity days. I sat on my ass for SIX hours, which is a relatively short time for such things. My hair now looks fabulous, the only drawback from the whole business is that I suffered from severe butt cramp in my left cheek which had me walking funny for a bit My remedy was to “walk it out, walk it out.”

With my new found confidence, that only fabulous hair can give you, I decided to test the limits of my bravery, take the bulls by the horns and watch Dreamgirls. I roped onne of my guy-pals to watch it with me and although he obliged, I could tell he wasn’t too pleased (he looked like a lamb being led to the slaughter).

The movie wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be; Yes, there were moments the cast members would launch into unnecessary bouts of song, and yes, Beyonce’s acting was as wooden as an Acacia tree on a warm summer’s day, but it still hadn’t come to the worst case scenario I had conjured up in my mind. At the end of the evening, my guy-pal bade a hasty retreat, poor lad, I however, forged ahead alone and watched The Queen, which was brilliant and explained why Helen Mirren won all those awards for it.

However, both those movies had nothing on the one I watched last night, “Stomp the Yard”. It was more dance than movie, had a very predictable storyline, and did not have the most profound dialogue…but all that didn’t matter!

Ten minutes into the movie I was SMITTEN with the lead actor, Columbus Short.

Maiwe zvangu, what I would give for 5mins alone with him *dirty chuckle*. The dancing was great, the energy was contagious but all that was eclipsed by the geometrically perfect curve of Columbus’s top lip *sigh*.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Say What?!?!

Ever been caught singing the wrong lyrics to a song out loud? I have, on too many occasions to count.

There’s really no excuse nowadays to sing incorrect lyrics what with many websites like A-Z lyrics dedicated to ensuring you never distort another song again.

It wasn’t that long ago that it was near impossible to get song lyrics. This was clearly before the world wide web was so accessible (yes, think that way back), before iPods, mp3’s even CD’s where around.

Those were the days when all you had were your good ear to tell you (read: guess) what the artist was singing, as you hastily scribbled away whilst rewinding and fast forwarding till you had the whole song down. Back then music was up for interpretation, more like “corruption” really.

Quite a few song/lyric misinterpretations I have committed over the years come to mind, but I’ll share only one with you today for chuckles sake. If I disclose all of them, I will surely lose face on this blog!

Vim’s Interpretation: “To me you’re like a roller-dictionary-personal” Seal’s ‘Kiss from a Rose’
Actual Lyrics: “To me you’re like a growing addiction I can’t repel.”

Can’t help laughing at that musical faux-pas, its hilarious mate. If you sing my version really quickly it sounds exactly the same…promise :-)

Please share any of your song/lyric misinterpretations with me in the comments!

Have a great weekend!

V x

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Rites of Passage: Maruva!

Pirched on my chair in my pod, idling away the time till the next big meeting i got a call from the receptionist announcing that i had flowers waiting for me in the lobby.

My first reaction was one of cynicism, "Who the heck is trying to pull a prank on me?...they picked the wrong day to mess with me buddy!" However, the receptionist swore on all that is good that there were indeed flowers waiting for me.

I could hardly contain my girlish glee and merrily skipped all the way downstairs to pick them up :-)

They are now sitting proudly on my desk, strategically placed so passer-bys can oooh and aaah over them.

What i am not looking forward to is the Walk of Shame to my car at day-end, sometimes there is such a thing as too much unecessary attention.

PS Thanks so much for the flowers, they made my day: -) (you know who you are!).

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Pull up to my bumper bhebhe!

There I was driving to work this morning, happily dodging the potholes on the road (I actually have a name for all 22 of them on my route to and from work, lol) and blasting some dirrrty south beats.

As I was rounding into my office complex I was now seriously contemplating how unfortunate it was that Tiger Woods and I never got the chance to meet before all this married-baby business of his! We would have been great together ….him with his killer drive *swoosh*, white smile and cool $60billion in endorsements, me with my *ahem* charm :-)

As I pulled into the nearest parking bay at work I was now fully fledged in this daydream, I was now trying to figure out where exactly we would have met up, coz lets face it, the only greens I am really familiar with are the ones in my salad.

The next few seconds where a bit of a blur; I was thinking of chilling on a yacht in Monaco and the next minute all I heard was a loud, emphatic *doooof*, I had kinda pranged into the bumper of the car in the next parking bay.

I am not a bad driver, honest! I had just miscalculated my swing into the rather tight, last available parking bay. The other car was fine, my car was fine, we were all fine! I was more irritated that the minor prang had jolted me out of my Tiger Woods reverie; we had matching Pringle sweaters and everything *pout*

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Bohlingers & Baby Oil

Want to attract some very unecessary attention from by-standers?

Walk into a shop and put 12 bottles of Bohlingers in your shopping trolley along with 2 bottles of baby oil. Then go and pay for everything at the till.

You wouldn't believe the looks you get, lol.

Tsk, tsk...get your minds out of the gutter people!

Friday, July 20, 2007

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!

In T-minus *does quick calculation* 10hrs and counting, the 7th and final instalment of Harry Potter is going to be debuted to the world and i can't freaking wait!

The world is split down the middle into two groups of people; Those who "get" Harry Potter and those who don't. If you fall into the latter category then here's me wishing you a great weekend (hey, i'm not here to convert the non-believers)! For the rest of you, read on!

I won't go as far as proclaiming, like a lot of people seem to be doing, that Harry Potter and his choms have changed my life. I will however admit that life's been a lot more interesting with him about.

It was The Year of Our Lord, 2000 when i first got introduced to Harry and gang, there i was on a the most divine, white sand resort location, drinking out of a coconut and all my attention was on finishing the first book***, that's saying a lot. It had originally been purchased for my youngest sibling and i'd initially dimissed it as child's play, nevertheless, 10 pages in i was hooked! There was no looking back!

I found myself wondering which house the Sorting Hat would put me in (Gryffindor like duh), how much fun it would be to hang out in Diagon Alley, how cool it would be to play quidditch or generally fly around on a broomstick. Yes at the age of 19, i was wondering whether my Hogwarts acceptance letter had got lost in the mail, hahaha.

In very atypical behaviour, i am avoiding any reviews, any trailers, any forums...i want to found out what shit goes down in that book all by myself! If it's going to be anything like the last 6 books we're in for a lot of twists and turns people!

Have a great weekend!

V x
*** Okay, not ALL my attention was on the book, i still managed to sneak a few peeks at the hotties playing beach volley...yum!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Best I Ever Never Had

We all have those songs that literally teleport you into the past to a specific point in time. I heard one of them yesterday, Vertical Horizon's "Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning)." The sense of nostalgia that overcame me was a sharp blend of wistful longing and residual infatuation.

It was the winter of 2001 and i was utterly and completely besotted with one of my close guy pals, thinking about it now actually makes me squirm with embarrasment *blush*

The dismal, greyish winter tones of Cape Town acted as the physicological backdrop for this unrequited love affair, coz this was a purely one-sided crush. The Love Interest (L.I.) in question was none-the-wiser, well i hope and pray he was clueless, it makes the whole situation a little less mortifying..

I suffered in silence and feigned nonchalance around the L.I., while back at the ranch however, close friends where constantly subjected to blow-by-blow accounts of how L.I. smelled, smiled, spoke or what he was wearing that day. It helped pass the boring hours spent in one too many varsity lectures.

Thankfully, this phase, like a lot of things, eventually passed and we drifted apart (an event that ironically coincided with him dating someone who i was not *ahem* a big fan of, to say the least).

Hearing that song yesterday brought it all back; the innocence of youth, wet & cold Mediterranean winters, the angst of unrequited love and carefree varsity days.

"So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
And nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But It's not so bad..
You're only the best I ever never had"

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Everybody Hurts

Dear X,

No matter how hard or crazy this world gets,
I‘m always here to listen to you, to talk to you or just to sit with you .

love, V x

"When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts.
You are not alone"

"Everybody Hurts" - R.E.M.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Erase & Rewind

For the last 48hrs my life has been playing out like that song from The Cardigans, "Erase & Rewind."

Any firm ideas and opinions i've held about Life, Love and Laxatives (okay, not Laxatives, just like that word coz it rhymes) has all come undone...i've come undone.

It's like staring at the vast canvas that is your life and realising all your frantic scribbles and notes have been erased and you have to start from scratch....argh.

What has brought about this erratic behaviour?? Hell, i don't know but if anyone else trys to point out that Mercury has gone retrograde lets just say MY chief export will be pain!

"Yes, I said it's fine before
But I don't think so no more
I said it's fine before
I've changed my mind
I take it back
Erase and rewind'
cause I've been changing my mind"
Erase & Rewind - The Cardigan

Monday, July 09, 2007

This Is Why I'm Hott!

Hehehehe, i am cracking myself up here (and not a Fanta in sight as the lead suspect for all things hyper-active on my part!). On the record, a hot water bottle is not the only reason i'm HOTT ;-)

So the city is currently running amock with every Tom, Dick and Chikwama buying up anything they can get their hands on since prices have been slashed on everything! I swear, shops are empty...or closed, tis crazy. The only good thing to come out of this (and i must tell you, its hard to find any good at this point) is that all those meals at those swanky, up-to-do places are going for a song. So if anyone wants to take me out for dinner *cough* *sharp nudge* holla at your girl!

The weekend was good, was made to watch some high school rugby on Saturday by my diasporian siblings, turned out to be a lot of fun...ended up cheering for the "enemy", in my defense the "enemy" had a stronger support base and way more fun war cries, "Tauya support!!!" I found myself singing many an obscene song and hurling insults worthy of a sailor *sigh*, reminded me of the war-cries sung at high school basketball matches!

Was then made to watch Wimbeldon (hela, what was with the sport this weekend). Venus and her dodgy weave won the day, yay and Federer won...again (i hardly watched this match coz the suspense was killing me, only so much squirming i can take).

Saturday nite: Joe Black on his blog described that nite the best, but i will provide a short summary. A lot of drink, some rather inventive dancing, women trying to pull their men away from other women (that was hilarious to watch), a DJ who only seemed capable of playing the first verse of any track (twas annoying), a very happy birthday boy and a lot of hungry looking dodgy blokes (always a sure bet at any party).

Sunday: Partook in the age-old family tradition of "Fermenting" which involves lounging around in one's pj's, eating and watching tv/dvd's all day until the sun has set, when bathing is then made mandatory!

Friday, July 06, 2007

Umm...did i miss something?

I think i've just become a victim of racial profiling from a beggar/street person!!!??

Over lunch my co-worker and i decided to drive over to the local shopping centre and pick up bits and bobs for this HUGE bash this weekend ( i can't wait).

As i am parking my car i look outside and see the said beggar/street person working on the caucasian person in the car next me. Innoncently assuming i am next in line for the whole begging/pleading process i start rustling in my bag to find any loose change.

Lo and behold, does the beggar/street person, who is of coloured/mixed race/biracial origins just not hobble right past me, deliberately avoiding me and with a look of, dare i say it, disdain. He then goes on to work on the person in the car next to me, another person of caucasian origin, and is all smiles and enthusiasm. Once he's done there, he looks at me again and "sniffs" the air with such contempt before he hobbles off in search of another compassionate soul, preferably caucasian i'm guessing!

He clearly had noooooooooooooooooooooooo time for me, lol.

Now i'm really confused! What i want to know is when the hell did beggars become choosers?

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Same shit, different day...

Today sucks! I can’t pinpoint what the problem is exactly; there are a multitude of contributing factors here;

1. The weather is just not on! Not only is it FREEZING cold but there are some rather ominous rainclouds hovering around. I just want to get home, defrost and camp out in front of the fire *sigh*

2. Have you ever watched Groundhog Day, when Bill Murray’s character keeps waking up to the same day, every day…today feels no different from yesterday and that’s kinda worrying considering yesterday wasn’t’ so great either.

3. My iPod is messing me about…or is it my iTunes, all I know is that someone at Apple is gonna pay real soon;

4. Because I can’t change the music on my iPod coz of reasons mentioned above I can’t add some new, uplifting music. All I really have on it right now are reflective, wrist-splitting beat that are urging me closer and closer to the edge, lol;

5. My hair refuses to do what i want it to do! Aren't black women oppressed enuff without having to deal with hair gwans too. I would have been sporting a zuda (bald head) ages ago if it wasn't for one small problem...i have corners on my head, lol;

6. Did I mention I am feeling really, really cold and no amount of layering of clothes seems to be helping.

The monotonous repetition day in and day out at work this week, followed by rather morose winter weather, hair with a mind of its own and technological gadgets getting prima-donna on my ass, has all done me in. I surrender myself to the universe.

The only light at the end of the tunnel?

The novel I am reading right now called “Spud” by John van de Ruit = brilliance, pure brilliance. I haven’t laughed that hard over a book since…well let’s just say, its been a LONG while. I can’t praise it enough, it definitely makes my Top 5 book list.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Fools and Horses

On Friday my place of gainful employment had a big piss-up under the guise of some corporate-teamwork-orientated event; of course some of us knew better! It’s amazing just how much booze is consumed at these types of events and most importantly, how much career-suicide is committed at such events.

It’s Monday morning and the office is alive and tittering about episodes that occurred that evening;“oh my gosh, did you see so-and-so in a tight embrace with so-and-so” or “so-and-so got ridiculously drunk and was seen harassing the head honcho”. The walk of shame has been performed this morning by many a guilty party!

Personally, as a rule I don’t drink at any work events, this is after witnessing a terrible incidence at a function at my first place of gainful employment. The night ended up with the CEO’s secretary accusing her boss of being gay *eeek*, making repeated advances on certain male clients invited to the function and ended up with her falling into a crumpled heap in one of the hallways. There is just no coming back from that…ever!

Tired with the same old weekend routine and drinking haunts, I decided to throw caution to the wind and get out of the big bad city, well for the day at least. My partner-in –crime and I found ourselves doing a tad bit of horse-riding in the vast, outback…okay maybe not the outback, more like the vast savannah plains! Lets just say it was an experience; firstly while all the other riders where given strapping, healthy mares to ride I was given some dodgy looking wanna-be stallion which should have been turned into glue a while ago and this mare in question (probably picking up my anti vibes) proceeded to purposely walk into each and ever bush along the trail, my scratched up leg is evidence of this injustice!

I’ve never been a fan of horses the way some prepubescent white girls were at my old junior school. Yes I owned the mandatory My Little Pony doll and on many a vacation, I find myself on a horse trail, sometimes not out of choice, but in general I was and am still quite warried** about them. It’s all overrated; riding a horse is not the most comfortable experience in the world, they smell funny and there’s always the danger of it running off with you.

I like the idea of horse riding more than the act itself; I like the idea of wearing jodhpurs & wielding a whip *dirty smirk*, I like the idea of riding some fierce looking Black Beauty with a braided mane equestrian-style and best of all, I like the idea of hitting one of those moves where the horse is on its two back legs and looking all victorious and stuff. The reality is I usually find myself praying that horse just strolls really slowly and does not try to hit one of those trotting/cantering/galloping stunts and most importantly, i really pray that I can walk properly, not bow-legged-like, after the whole affair (people start asking funny questions).

** Warried (pronounced wah-reed) = Zim slang to describe a state of general apathy/indifference and...well warriedness, lol.