Monday, June 18, 2007

The Perils of the Desperado Wingman

There is a hilarious forward doing the rounds called, “The Wingman’s Bible.” To briefly summarise, this work of art highlights the selflessness of the wingman (WM) in engaging and distracting a Cock Blocker (CB), whilst his friend, the Flight Leader (FL) goes in for the kill with the CB’s friend, the Bombing Target (BT).

How I wish I could have slipped this manual to the hopeless case I encountered this weekend while out with the girls. To say he lacked game would be a gross understatement of this guy’s skill; ‘twas tragic.

Firstly the individual tried to undertake both roles at the same time; that of Wingman and Flight Leader. In this scenario I was typecast in the role of CB as my friend was the very obvious object of attraction. His initial approach was to engage me in conversation, always good to try and befriend the CB…however, that left the BT open for target to any FL hanging around (At this party, women where few and men aplenty. In short, it was a “sausage-fest”).

Realising that he was getting nowhere with me, after all I wasn’t the target, he then tried talking to the BT by…wait for it….asking me to relay messages to her, and she was standing right next to us listening to the conversation!!!! WTF? When did we resort to grade-school tactics of relaying messages, at this point I lost all hope and respect for the poor individual.

WM/FL: Can you ask your friend if she wants a drink?
Me: Ummm, why don’t you ask her yourself she’s right there….and can probably hear you.
WM/FL: Just ask her…*sounding kinda desperate*
Me: BT, dude over here wants to know if you want a drink.
BT: Why doesn’t he ask me himself.

I look pointedly at him and left the scene hoping by the time I got back he would have manned up.

Sadly on my return the young man had made no progress and instead had been relegated to the position of BT’s“go-fetch” guy (read: he had become her bitch), a role he embraced a little too wholeheartedly!

So the question I pose out there, are there any successful Wingmen out there? Oh and much love for taking one of the team.

PS: For the The Wingman's Bible click here...


Anonymous said...

another side to this is that of the hot mananas who surrounds herself with not so hot chicks - adding fuel to the fire of "stars shining brighter in the dark" - not only does this point to a low self esteem but means many a POW is made as Wing-Men take one for the team. Further the FL is less likely to be successful as BT may start wondering why "dark star" appears to shine brighter because a well practiced routine means "dark star" gets the initial approach in order to pave the way for FL - who may arrive after BT is pissed off already. It's a dog's world....

blessing said...

LOOOOL Vim, must have been a good weekend indeed!! i remember a cpl of years back, i think i was 20 and i was a regular @ when i discovered the wingman concept and taking one for the team. me and ...(u know who) started using that concept esp in club and i must say we had a 95% conversion rate. the only problem we used to have was we both wanted to be the FL.

Vimbai said...

Anonymous: Good strategy, i think it was displayed best in A Beautiful Mind...hit all the dark stars and leave the BT feeling needy and vulnerable!

Blessing: Why am i not surprised YOU always wanted to be the FL, hehehe