Thursday, June 28, 2007

It ain't a game anymore!

I am no expert at the dating game, as a good friend of mine recently pointed out. It was useless to look offended coz she spoke the truth, a truth that I am trying really hard to rectify.

If dating was really a game/sport (then again, isn’t that what it is), I would be the kid pleading with the coach that I have month long cramps and shouldn’t be allowed to play, I would much rather sit on the bench, sipping some Energade watching activities play out in front of me. For the times I have been flung out on the pitch, its been confusing at best… and just as I was actually getting my head around it all, I found myself being yanked out of the game to sit on the bench again.

The reason I’m writing this is I find myself on the pitch again (it’s always a surprise how the heck I get here) and am trying to employ some sort of strategy. Okay, the word “strategy” implies some sort of underhanded scheming, which is not the case at all, I just like to be prepared is all (the contents of my rather large handbag are testimony to this particular trait).

History has shown that most strategies don’t actually work, be it; diving right in, taking it slow, maintaining distance, getting in up-close and personal, I think I’ve tried them all, which may be the actual problem; actively ”trying” that is.

As a self-confessed control freak, I like things to go the way I want them to, to the point of forcing situations AND relationships that should have never happened in the first place *sigh*, the beauty of hindsight. Deepak Chopra’s Second Law of Spiritual Success: The Law of Detachment (yes, I do read this ish…pretty enlightening stuff too) encourages the individual to surrender themselves to uncertainty, which is supposedly the “field of possibilities.”

So here I stand on the pitch which I have renamed, “The Field of Possibilities***”, not sure where the ball is going, or how the game is going to pan out but convinced I shall have fun regardless.

*** This name reminds me of that awful film of Kevin Costner’s, “Field of Dreams.” Two hours of watching a man play baseball in the middle of a field of chibage/maize with ghosts = Have mercy please!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

If you get the chance, you must DANCE!

In the sanctity of my bedroom, I am the world’s greatest dancer, having no competition kinda helps me claim that title.

There is nothing like find that track, you know the one. I found mine thanks to Mr Internet, all hail the world wide web, this track is the theme song from the reality dance show (how fitting) Dancelife.

It is my current raison d’etre, I am actually waiting to get called out by my workmates for my crazed chair-shuffling/head bopping/flaying of the arms which is my version of constrained dancing.

DOWN with open plan offices!

The late 80’s/ early 90’s were heaven with movies like Breakdance, The Movie 1, 2 AND 3 (Thabs u feel me!) and Dirty Dancing! I wore legwarmers to emulate the cast of Fame, perfected the “splits” and was a pro when it came to the Running Man.

My love for dance helped me ignore the smothered laughs and sniggers of my friends when I joined the ballroom dancing club in varsity, I knew I was committing social suicide, but I just had to dance! Even now, a good music video in my opinion is one with loads of spectacular dancing.

Still, there are some cold hard truths that not even I can deny, *gulp* - “I am not a great dancer.” Don’t get me wrong, I am pretty coordinated, can keep in time with any beat*** and have mastered the art of winding & grinding with the best of them. But let’s face it; I would be crucified on any competing level! That doesn’t stop me from hightailing it to the dance floor every time the beat drops, No siree Bob, for what I lack in technique I sure make up in enthusiasm.


“If it takes away the pain it's all right
We're livin so hard you might not make it through tonight
follow the bright lights
they might change you
if you get lost along the way it's all right

we'll find another way to dance
we'll find another way to dance
if you get the chance
you must dance dance dance”

Young Love – “Find a new way

*** There is sadly one beat that leaves me baffled on the dancefloor, Yung Joc's "It's going down" - i am offbeat every freaking time!

Monday, June 25, 2007

Red wine & ponderings


"Red red wine you make me feel so fine
You keep me rocking all of the time." UB40

A lot of red wine was consumed this weekend, I was very impressed with myself :-) I’m not a big drinke, no, honest..scouts honour and all of that jazz This weekend, however, I have a feeling my alter ego resurfaced for a little show & tell, lol.

For the first part of weekend the alcoholic beverage was consumed to drown out the vapid and extremely classicist comments coming from a haggle of suburban housewives I didn’t know and frankly, after an hour of listening to them debate the merits of using a brandy glass to a whiskey glass (who the heck cares???), I was ready to jump ship. The only obstacle between me and freedom was the fact that I was very parked in - the price one pays for actually being on time to a function.

Thankfully, the latter part of the weekend was more favourable to getting tipsy. It’s amazing what a difference good company makes. I pledged, in slurred tones, never to put up with rubbish company again and toasted the day away!

“tis better to be alone than in bad company” – George Washington

Friday, June 22, 2007

Winter Solstice celebrations

Yesterday, the 21st June, marked the Winter Solstice, also known as Midwinter. Many cultures worldwide marked this day with huge celebrations and festivals. We were no different; after all, it makes a lot of sense to celebrate the shortest day and longest night of the year by partying till the early morn.

I am suffering at work now, must....sleep....mmmmmh.

I’ll share some observations made during the course of the evening of my mid winter celebrations:

1. Its almost impossible to look like a sultry minx and be warm at the same time…well almost impossible, I think I pulled it off last night;
2. Dancing is the best way to keep warm, murder on your feet especially if you are wearing barely broken-into shoes like I made the mistake of doing last nite;
3. If you are silly enough to throw wads of cash in the air when “Make it Rain” is playing then know this…I will, without an ounce of shyness, pick up any notes I can get my hands on…what?;
4. Park as close as you can to the entrance of the venue…nothing like traipsing into the nether reaches of a car park in sub-zero temps, in shoes you cannot walk in; and,
5. Most people don’t appreciate the necessity of a good war-cry chant about it being cold, “Oooooh, it’s getting cold in here/There must be some solstice in the atmosphere!”, haters!

On that note, let me thaw while I count down the hours ‘til getting home!

Have a great weekend people

V x

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Fits & False Alarms

Whenever I do those personality/fun-type quizzes that ask you how you’d react in a time of crisis, I always confidently select the option that sounds closest to this, “I am super cool and clear-headed when trouble is on the horizon.”

I always thought that when shit hit the fan, I was one of those cool, dependable types. What I had confused as serenity in times of strife, was actually the calm before the storm. Last nights drama shed-light on my not-so-super-cool mannerisms.

There I was about to leave the house to grab a few drinks with the boys when I went through my usual mental checklist; “Keys…check!, Phone…check, cash in wallet…mmmmh, where is my wallet, no problem, probably in my room.” I traipsed back to my room with images of the alcoholic concoctions that awaited me.

Five minutes and a blood-curdling cry later, I was found, by my rather nonchalant sibling, in a heap on the floor sobbing and mumbling, “why me.” (Yes, I am prone to theatrical episodes, but losing ones wallet is one of the most weakening things EVER, so I was justified to have a fit - that’s my story and I’m sticking to it).

My sibling, well trained in the art of ignoring my “episodes” proceeded to help me turn my room and all subsequent rooms, upside down. Alas, my wallet was nowhere to be found. As I retired to bed in defeat at a record-breaking 8pm, after notifying some friends of my demise, many thoughts were whirling in my head;

1) How I was NOT looking forward to having to deal with a gazillion civil servants to get a new ID and drivers license;
2) How I was missing out on a whole lot of booze!;
3) How i should call in a few favours from St Anthony, this situation is right up his alley;
4) Was the elephant who had unwilling donated his hide to the making of my two-day old wallet trying to say something to me?; and,
5) The age old lament, “why me…*sniff sniff*….why me.”


This morning I trudged into work, still in mourning about to check my mail when I opened my desk drawer and lo & behold, guess what was staring back at me, Nelly the wallet*

I sheepishly made a few calls to notify those close that Nelly had been found and all was well once again.

*ahem* My name is Vimbai, and I am NOT cool and calm in a crisis.”

* I have a habit of naming all inanimate objects I own, bite me!

Monday, June 18, 2007

The Perils of the Desperado Wingman

There is a hilarious forward doing the rounds called, “The Wingman’s Bible.” To briefly summarise, this work of art highlights the selflessness of the wingman (WM) in engaging and distracting a Cock Blocker (CB), whilst his friend, the Flight Leader (FL) goes in for the kill with the CB’s friend, the Bombing Target (BT).

How I wish I could have slipped this manual to the hopeless case I encountered this weekend while out with the girls. To say he lacked game would be a gross understatement of this guy’s skill; ‘twas tragic.

Firstly the individual tried to undertake both roles at the same time; that of Wingman and Flight Leader. In this scenario I was typecast in the role of CB as my friend was the very obvious object of attraction. His initial approach was to engage me in conversation, always good to try and befriend the CB…however, that left the BT open for target to any FL hanging around (At this party, women where few and men aplenty. In short, it was a “sausage-fest”).

Realising that he was getting nowhere with me, after all I wasn’t the target, he then tried talking to the BT by…wait for it….asking me to relay messages to her, and she was standing right next to us listening to the conversation!!!! WTF? When did we resort to grade-school tactics of relaying messages, at this point I lost all hope and respect for the poor individual.

WM/FL: Can you ask your friend if she wants a drink?
Me: Ummm, why don’t you ask her yourself she’s right there….and can probably hear you.
WM/FL: Just ask her…*sounding kinda desperate*
Me: BT, dude over here wants to know if you want a drink.
BT: Why doesn’t he ask me himself.

I look pointedly at him and left the scene hoping by the time I got back he would have manned up.

Sadly on my return the young man had made no progress and instead had been relegated to the position of BT’s“go-fetch” guy (read: he had become her bitch), a role he embraced a little too wholeheartedly!

So the question I pose out there, are there any successful Wingmen out there? Oh and much love for taking one of the team.

PS: For the The Wingman's Bible click here...

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

To New Beginnings!

Spoiler Alert: If you have not watched Mel Gibson’s movie “Apocalypto” give this blog post a skip.

"A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within." — W.Durant

Usually I am very bad (read: particularly awful) at watching movies that are of the violent, thriller, suspense variety. I will sit through such a movie either hiding behind my hand/pillow or fast-forwarding through the parts I can’t sit-through (I’ve been known to condense a 3hr movie into a 20min flick). After some convincing selling of the movie by my good friend Chipo, I sceptically took the flick and proceeded to watch it.


Boy am I glad that I actually behaved and watched the WHOLE flick, gory bits and all (which are a-plenty). I even got through the part where a disease-ridden, possessed child started chanting out some prophecy….at this point I was squirming in my seat, but practiced some self restraint and didn’t touch that dial!

This is one of two pretty good flicks I’ve watched this year, 300 being the other (mmmmh, six-packed Spartans – yum yum). Kinda ironic they are both of the blood and gore category. Anywho, there are plenty of things I love about this movie and I’m gonna list them, in no particular order of preference;

1) It’s not in English! Some people hate subtitles but speaking the Maya dialect adds credibility to the movie, and makes you concentrate more on the movie from a visual perspective…come to think of it, very little is really said…but what is said is quite heavy!

2) There is not one single celebrity/Hollywood-ish actor in it, so refreshing!

3) It’s inspiring as it deals with self-knowledge, combating fear, courage…okay there are plenty of themes going on here, one of the most important being my next point.

4) The movie hits the idea home, from the opening credits to the end of the flick, that a civilisation’s decline begins from within way before any external forces come in to play to finish the job.

5) That Jaguar Paw is a cutie, nothing hotter than a man risking life and limb to get back to his loved ones!

6) The last line spoken by Jaguar Paw is so poignant, it sent shivers down my spine! After having overcome adversity, strife and displacement there is only one thing left to do, “Seek a new beginning.”
“I am Jaguar Paw, son of Flint Sky.
My Father hunted this forest before me.
My name is Jaguar Paw.
I am a hunter.
This is my forest.
And my sons will hunt it with their sons after I am gone”

Friday, June 08, 2007

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Keep swimming, swimming, swimming...

So i have this huge exam in T-minus 72hrs and i am losing momentum and motivation fast! How the hell do you trick yourself that the stuff you are reading for the 100th time is fresh, new and exciting!

All i keep thinking is, "Can this be over with already... please!"

I've been creative with my motivation techniques from the simplest form; no icecream/tv until i finish this 100pg chapter to the more screwing-with-your-pysche techniques; Imagining myself unable to afford anything while watching my peers driving off into the sunset in their Maserati's (car model is subject to change depending on how hard i want to hit the message home).

Oh, there is one last technique i haven't tried, visual simulation:

Isn't she pretty...okay, back to the books!

Friday, June 01, 2007

It's baaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!

Just when you thought it was safe to get back in the water, another sighting of the Loch Ness Monster has been reported.

There i was minding my own business, catching up on some online news and the usual news headlines pop out at you; Lindsey Lohan in rehab... again (why is this news???!!), Female cheetahs are supposedly quite whorish (now that i didn't know) and then bang, there it was, a headline chronicling some new footage of the Loch Ness Monster. So I quickly clicked on the link, waited with glee for this amazing footage and all i saw was a black line...no, a black shadowy line travelling in the water.

Bra, that could be anything! In this day and age of technological advancement, anyone could create that. If ever there was a sign to get back to the books, that was it!

Have a great weekend...