Monday, December 24, 2007

'Twas the night before Christmas...

I'd imagined many ways i would spend Christmas Eve, most of them involved consuming a bottle of something-something whilst belting out my favourite Christmas carol, "O Holy Night" at full volume* in the company of friends and loved ones But spending the evening taking meds that numb the brain, drinking copious amounts of lemon tea and watching really bad B-grade christmas movies is not how i thought it would go down...

My siblings, who have taken sharing to new heights, have given me flu for christmas (thanks guys). They must have heard incorrectly when i was belting out another of my fave christmas tunes, "All i want for christmas" and mistook the "yoooooooooooooou" part for "fluuuuuuuuuuuuuu".

So tis the night before Christmas and i'm riddled with hot and cold feverish flushes and nasal tones that kermit the frog would be so proud of.

I am secure in the knowledge that i've been good ALL year and that if Santa knows what's good for him, he'll reward me accordingly.

So i'll wish you all a Merry Christmas for tomorrow and leave you with one of my favourite christmas poems, its kinda long, but try and read it till the end.

Vx

*I would be belting out The Mariah Carey version of "O Holy Night" i would have you know, with all the high trilly notes that i can't reach but try my darndest to do so anyway.


Ballad of the Breadman - George Causley


Mary stood in the kitchen
Baking a loaf of bread.
An angel flew in the window'
We've a job for you,' he said.

'God in his big gold heaven
Sitting in his big blue chair,
Wanted a mother for his little son.
Suddenly saw you there.'

Mary shook and trembled,
'It isn't true what you say.
''Don't say that,' said the angel.
'The baby's on its way.'

Joseph was in the workshop
Planing a piece of wood.
'The old man's past it,' the neighbours said.
'That girls been up to no good.''

And who was that elegant fellow,
'They said. 'in the shiny gear?'
The things they said about Gabriel
Were hardly fit to hear.

Mary never answered,
Mary never replied.
She kept the information,
Like the baby, safe inside.

It was the election winter.
They went to vote in the town.
When Mary found her time had come
The hotels let her down.

The baby was born in an annexe
Next to the local pub.
At midnight, a delegation
Turned up from the Farmers' club.

They talked about an explosion
That made a hole on the sky,
Said they'd been sent to the Lamb and Flag
To see God come down from on high.

A few days later a bishop
And a five-star general were seen
With the head of an African country
In a bullet-proof limousine.

'We've come,' they said 'with tokens
For the little boy to choose.'
Told the tale about war and peace
In the television news.

After them cam the soldiers
With rifle and bombs and gun,
Looking for enemies of the state.
The family had packed up and gone.

When they got back to the village
The neighbours said, to a man,
'That boy will never be one of us,
Though he does what he blessed well can.'

He went round to all the people
A paper crown on his head.
Here is some bread from my father.
Take, eat, he said.

Nobody seemed very hungry.
Nobody seemed to care.
Nobody saw the god in himself
Quietly standing there.

He finished up in the papers.
He came to a very bad end.
He was charged with bringing the living to life.
No man was that prisoner's friend.

There's only one kind of punishment
To fit that kind of crime.
They rigged a trial and shot him dead.
They were only just in time.

They lifted the young man by the leg,
Thy lifted him by the arm,
They locked him in a cathedral
In case he came to harm.

They stored him safe as water
Under seven rocks.
One Sunday morning he burst out
Like a jack-in-the-box.

Through the town he went walking.
He showed them the holes in his head.
Now do you want any loaves? He cried.
'Not today' they said.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Fa La La La La

Rumour has it that Christmas is *does quick mental calculation on fingers* a whole 5 days away. Yay!

I'm officially done with work tomorrow but truth be told, i had got into the holiday spirit a whole month ago :-) Some may call this extreme slacker behaviour, i call it "getting into the festive way of things". I can't wait to sleep-in every morning, stuff myself silly with very bad, but very delicious food and most importantly, hang out with friends and family.

I hope you all have a fantastic Christmas and for the more agnostic among you, "Happy Holidays".


"A Christmas Poem" - Wendy Cope

"At Christmas little children sing and merry bells jingle,
The cold winter air makes our hands and faces tingle
And happy families go to church and cheerily they mingle
And the whole business is unbelievably dreadful, if you're single."



* Image courtesy of i-delicious

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Lesson Learned


"Yes I was burned but I called it a lesson learned
Mistake overturned but i called it lesson learned.
My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned.
Another lesson learned.... "

I don’t care what anyone says, Alicia Key’s new album, “As I Am” is freaking amazing!

Everyday I find a track off of it to fall in love with all over again, yesterday’s track was, “Go Ahead”, a thumping anthem to start the day with. Today’s track is “Lesson Learned”, I know Thabi is feeling me with this one here.

I love what the song is about and I love that John Mayer is on this track.

Alicia Keys + John Mayer = Vimbai in ecstatic bliss

I thought I would share with you some of the lessons I’ve learned from the last few days:

1) Most 10 year olds are obnoxious brats especially ones that were brought up badly. Sadly, you cannot undo a decade of faulty upbringing over 3 days so don’t even bother.

Rather ignore the constant pleading for money & Christmas presents (i mean, wtf?) and keep reminding yourself that

a) He’s only 10yrs old,
b) He’s leaving….soon and
c) Tis the season of Peace and Reconciliation and committing homicide doesn’t really encourage this festive theme.

2) Spraying four cans of insecticide in, on and a under a car still won’t rid it of pesky spiders!

3) If you are the last person to get out of bed after three females have spent on average 15mins each showering, there will definitely be no hot water left. A tepid drizzle will fast become your new friend. Sadly there is some truth in the saying, “The early bird gets the first worm, or in this case, the hot water.”

4) Make sure you know exactly who is visiting before you strut into the lounge in all manner of dress or undress with crazy hair to match *cringe/blush*

5) It’s easier to reach Level 10 of Tetris if you start on Level 5 rather than Level 1 (yes, the office is boring).

6) Make sure nosy siblings are out of ear-range while you and your honey swap all sorts of terms of endearment on the phone otherwise you will mocked senseless once you get off the phone.


Okay, those are my pearls of wisdom for the day. I shall return to my game of Tetris which should wile away time till lunchtime.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Blimey O'Reilly

I didn’t so much drive to work today than wade in the streets with an automobile. The streets have morphed into mini-rivers, I’m guessing our drought of the last 5 odd years is over. Now I know Mae West would argue that, “Too much of a good thing is wonderful” but I am having my doubts…before I jinx our weather, let me knock on wood and just admire the incessant rainfall outside.

So I have a theory regarding spiders, I think they really like R Kelly’s “Chocolate Factory” album. I’m being serious. I previously mentioned that a nest of spiders had taken over my car, it was a dire hostage situation of note (that 2 bottles of insecticide sorted out pretty quickly).

What I forgot to mention though was that the little critters only used to launch out of their crooks and crannies only, and I have to stress ONLY, when I was playing music by Robert Kelly in my car.

Coincidence, I think not! He may be the Pied Piper of R’n’B & Underage Girls but it appears he’s the Pied Piper of the Spider Nation too, eish.

And for some good news: It appears I have found myself new gainful employment, yay! I was adamant that come 2008 I couldn’t be were I was, just from a growth & development point of view. After much back and forth, i handed in my resignation letter. Even though this was what i had been dreaming to do since this August, it was a bit of an anti-climax...i didnt feel relief, more like the numbness of ending a doomed relationship. Ah well, their loss :-)


“Let go to get one,
Lose some to win some,
Story of a champion
Sorry I’m a champion
You lost one.”

Jay-Z feat Chrisette Michele – “Lost Ones”

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Dear 13 year old Me

Lordy, it’s the month of memes indeed! I got tagged by Natalie and thought I could hold off doing this till like Friday but what the heck, here it goes. (I pray this is the last of these meme things for a while)
--------------------------------------------
Dear 13yr old Me

I bet you’re a bit relieved to see I’m coming to you with pearls of wisdom, we’ve never been good with suspense have we, our motto has always been, “Tell me how it ends and I will handle the bits in between.” This letter is not so much about telling you the ending (‘cause I’m praying I’ve got at least another 50yrs of life in me yet) but rather a heads-up about some things.

You’ve just got through Form 1 and probably realise you like high school and that you are cut out for boarding school (although you technically live 5mins away, so I guess there’s no point at being homesick innit). I am happy to point out that you’ll love the next 5 years of it too, you will eventually count it as the best years of your life. Of courses you will go to varsity and have a fabulous time there, but high school is where you will find your rocks, your closest friends although its good to know you will acquire some besties outside of high-school too.

Although all you wish for at this point is to grow up and get all this over and done with, you will appreciate what a larny, sheltered life you really did/do have. Living in a bubble does have its benefits and when you unleash yourself on the big bad world, you’ll realise that its just as well you took your time.

You know how some people really, really hate high-school (I can name about two of them you know right now), you’ll always love it because that’s were you’re going to meet the best friends a girl could ask for and learn some life lessons that only that time-frame can teach you.

I’ve listed in point form (don’t we just love writing those lists) just a few things to give you a bit of a heads-up.

1. No matter what mum tells you, I am sorry to say your boobs WON’T get any bigger than they are right now…seriously. So deal with it because it eventually does work out, fashion-wise that is.

2. Enjoy your 20-20 vision right now because some genetic anomaly will bless you with less than stellar vision five years time, so take a good hard look now.

3. The friends you have right now, will still be your friends right now too…a few extras will come along the way, but don’t take for granted the ones staring you in the face.

4. No matter how hard you pray, you are still going to grow at least another 5cm’s taller. And even though you are adamant you will date anyone shorter than you, you will, so get over it.

5. Chase your dreams even when pooh-poohed, very few people have the capacity to dream like you, just make sure you make things happen too.

6. People close to you will die, that’s inevitable and unstoppable so stop worrying about when they will leave you, rather enjoy them while they’re there with you.

7. Don’t listen to Miss (Can’t bloody remember her name now), the Art Teacher, who will tell you that you can’t bloody well draw. She’s just a miserable wench who suffers from her own drawing inferiority complexes, coz shes particulary crap at herself actually.

8. Your heart will be broken many times along the way, sadly that’s the only way you’ll get to know what the real thing will or should look like: kissing a bunch of toads to find a prince and all that jazz.

9. One day, you will be the breaker of someone else’s heart, its nothing to be proud of but don’t go beating yourself up about something that was unavoidable.

10. Do run a comb through your hair from time to time, although you’re pretty unconcerned about it, it inevitable will become the butt of many jokes to come in highschool.

11. Enjoy looking at mum and dad with stars in your eyes because in T-minus 10 years that will all change, possibly for the better too although it will hurt like mad. You will learn the important lesson that nobody deserves to be put on a pedestal.

12. Appreciate your siblings, right now you are probably pretty convinced you’re adopted and that all 3 of them (even the 6 yr old) are plotting your doom…but they come in surprisingly handy in years to come and for the better part, you will get along great.

13. A lot of good will fly your way and for the better part, you’ll take most of it for granted with that adolescent self-assured, arrogance that only a teenager could possess. However, I am here to tell you tomorrow will not bring a repeat of yesterday’s gifts, you only get one shot to give of your best so make sure you do it each and every time.

14. I would love to warn you about every single bad thing that comes your way but without those, how will you know your own strength, your own faith, your own determination. However, just know that for every bad thing that comes your way, they’ll be at least another three good things to come out of it (and only the beauty of hindsight will highlight this).

Remain unapologetically you.

Future Me/You xxxxxx

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Mamma Mia, It's a Meme


I've been tagged by the lovely Ruby!

I am grateful for any activity that distracts me from the fact that my car has somehow become the nesting ground for a lot of spiders. To say i'm freaking out is an understatement! *shudder shudder*

The rules are: I have to put my ipod on shuffle and answer the questions with song titles. Enjoy.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OK?" YOU SAY?
“Kitty Kat” - Beyonce

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY
“Diamonds are a girl’s best friend” – Marilyn Monroe (no comment)

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
“I belong to you” – Lenny Kravitz

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
“Thinking Underage” – Teddy Geiger

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE
“Keep on Keeping On” – MC Lyte (Ain’t that the truth!)

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO
“Don’t Call Me Baby” – Madison Avenue

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
“Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” – The Temptations & The Supremes (awwwwwww, but its true)

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
“Bug a Boo” – Destiny’s Child (oh gosh, I can’t stop laughing…lol, I’d say its about 50% true)

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN
“Handiende” – Oliver Mtukudzi’s version (lol)

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
“Wonderwall” – Cat Power’s version

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND
“Hand in my pocket” – Alanis Morisette “And what it all comes down to, is that everything is gonna be fine, fine, fine…coz I’ve got one hand in my pocket”

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
“Back to You” – John Mayer (very, very, very accurate…I’ve got chills now)

13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
“Appletree” – Erykah Badu (life’s too short to be surrounded by bad company)

14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
“Angel” – Sarah McLachlan (wow, now I am well and truly spooked)

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
“Don’t Cha” – Pussycat Dolls ( I swear, I couldn’t make this up if I tried)

16. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
“Fast Car” – Tracy Chapman

17. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
“Canned Heat” - Jamiroquai

18. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL
“It Ends Tonight” – The All American Rejects

19. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
“Son of a Preacher Man” – Aretha Franklin

20. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
“I learned from the best”- Whitney Houston (touché)

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
“Everything” - Lifehouse

22. WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
“Sugar We Are Going Down” – Fall Out Boy


I tag:


Star
Lebo
Joe Black
Not a Fairytale Princess
Smudgie3

Monday, December 10, 2007

The Royal Flush

Compared to the disaster that was last weekend, this weekend was a breeze. Not once did I feel inclined to rock in fetal position while listening to James Blunt, hahaha. I decided to put my recluse ways behind me and immerse myself, somewhat, back into society.

The highlight of my weekend however, was how I kicked garo/a*s in poker yesterday evening. Contrary to what I told The Blonde Blogshell, it turns out I’m not such a shite poker player after all.

The General & GG hosted the mini-poker tournament at their casa that was attended by themselves, moi, The Godfather, Flash and Fattie*. We were all novices at the game, but after a few “warm-up” rounds, the tension began mounting as the game took a turn for the intense. Fattie and I were holding our own amongst the boys and even though I lost half her chips (eish, sorry hun), the sisterhood still held strong.

I managed to win a few hands with some impressive hands, a Full House & a Straight and I came third out of the six of us playing. The Godfather played it cool, virtually unreadable the whole nite he added the spice with raising ridiculous bets which were usually backed up with equally ridiculous cards (a pair of lovely Aces blessed him at least twice during the whole game). However, it was Flash who I dubbed The Comeback Kid coz when he was down to about 3 poker chips, he managed to win the pot and wage a war against The Godfather who he ultimately thumped.

I really don’t need another vice to add to my growing list but I’m beginning to suspect that Poker is going to right up there with my penchant for trashy novels.

Weekend Highlights


- Spending time in great company.
- Meeting up with S who I hadn’t seen since varsity days when were running riot in the streets of Rondies and the like;
- Gorging myself on hot chocolate, Earl Grey tea, the most decadent choc cake and waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many Marie biscuits to count;
- Being a bad-a*s poker play (yes, I am tooting my own horn)
- Catching up on loads of sleep.

Weekend Lowlights

- Missing 95% of the movie, “Perfect Stranger” because I was concussed from the sugar rush I’d suffered at the hands of the choc cake and all things sugary.

*
Fattie (pronounced: Fair-Tea) is actually one of the skinniest chicks I know!

Friday, December 07, 2007

Unwritten: Work In Progress


“I am unwritten,
Can’t read my mind,
I’m undefined.”


Don’t laugh, but I’m toying with the idea of writing a trashy Harlequinesque type novel, it will be one my “projects” for the coming year. I blame my English A’ level teacher for planting the idea in my head many moons ago.

She actually wanted our whole English class to collectively write a trashy novel. I’m sure some goody-two-shoes ratted her out for her plans to stray away from the set syllabus because that was the last we heard about it.

The idea has been lying dormant in the back of my mind since then.

‘I’m just beginning,
The pen’s in my hand,
Ending unplanned.”


Boarding school provided me with sufficient fodder regarding all things romantic- fiction related as my boarding hostel was full of trashy-novel-peddlers & pushers. I swear I must have gone through at least a thousand of these books then which resulted in a sorry addiction I’ve been trying to shake for the better part of this Millennium.

Most people have narcotics to provide them with a quick-fix, I have trashy novels with the most predictable plots in the world to provide me with my fix. Tis very sad, believe me, I know! I’m hoping some good will come of this nasty habit possibly in the form of a bestseller on Oprah’s book club list perhaps, that would TOTALLY justify it.

“Stare at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty windows,
Let the sun illuminate the words you could not find

The formula is quite simple in these books: Boy meets Girl, a petty argument ensues, Girl and Boy are estranged for a while in which time one of the following happens:

1) Girl is pregnant with Boy’s offspring but conveniently forgets to send him this memo.

2) Boy goes off to find himself but can’t shake thoughts of Girl;

3) Either Girl or Boy reinvents themselves into a high and mighty big shot but somehow preserves the inner girl/boy-next-door.

A lot of back and forth ensues and eventually Boy and Girl realise they can’t live without each other *cue dramatic music and motorbike ride into the sunset*

“Reaching for something in the distance,
So close that you can almost taste it”

Told you I’d read a gazillion of these books (bad Vim, bad girl!)

“Release your inhibitions”

As yet, all I can come up with are nifty book titles and hilarious Nom de Plum's, but not plot or characters to speak of. What I do know, however, is that my impending best-seller will take place on this continent and my characters won’t have those rubbish stereotypical names that most of the characters in these books have, like: Hunter, Chad or Logan (I have yet to meet a male with any one of these names). Oh and red-haired damsel’s in distress are banned from my books, unless said damsel is sporting a wig or a weave, hahaha.

PLEASE feel free to offer up any suggestions regarding the plot, character names, background setting, promise me, they WILL be greatly appreciated. And of course I would acknowledge you in the Author’s note :-)

“Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you,
Only you can let it in,
No one else
No one else

Can speak the words on your lips
“Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Real Shows Killed The Soapie Star

I can’t believe I missed Chris Brown’s guest appearance on Generations last night.

I’d heard so much about his cameo appearance after it originally aired on SABC a few weeks/days ago(?) but they had some Generations re-run on last night and sadly I missed it again, even after I got a rather excited-breathless call from a mate of mine, a fellow ardent Chris Brown groupie (It’s a well known fact that I smuck that ouen proper, if I wasn’t so loved up at the moment, I definitely would!)


“She want that lovey dovey (lovey dovey)
Kiss kiss (kiss kiss)
Her mind she fantasize bout' gettin' wit' me"

Last night’s soapie viewing cemented just how much I hate soapies of any kind. I find them insulting at best...but there I was, glued to the set for the last 10mins of the show trying to catch a glimpse of boy-wonder (the things we do for those we smuck).

Its great to see that my dislike of soapies still holds fast & true, after all:

- The dialogue is sh*t and contrived (who the heck speaks like these people);
- The characters are way over the top; and,
- There's an abnormally high incidence of: natural disasters, people rising from the dead, people’s evil twins returning from who-knows-where, weddings getting interrupted at that exact appropriate time, children growing up over night (in one episode little Kirsty is 3yrs old, by the following week she has aged overnight into a 16yr old hell raiser).
All in all, it's just a bit much.

In the late 80’s and early 90’s I was raised on a staple diet of Neighbours, Santa Barbara, Dynasty, Falcon Creast, Dallas, Knots Landing and Monday night Shona dramas. Take away the big hair, shoulder-pads and rather bright eye makeup and lipstick and today’s soapies are EXACTLY the same, the same bloody drama and mind-numbing intrigue.

In the words of the Barenaked Ladies song, “It’s all been done before.”

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

What i think Bobby Valentino didn't realise!

So you know that song by R’nB Bobby Valentino, “Anonymous”, the one where he’s crooning on about meeting a girl in the club who doesn’t tell him his name but keeps responding “Anonymous” and he’s kinda getting frustrated that she’s not telling him her name.


"I wanna know, i wanna know your name (your name, your name)

Why you gotta be Anonymous."

My theory (and I think I’ve hit the nail on the head with this one) is that Bobby Valentino had actually bumped into a Zim chick by the name of Anonymous, heck, I’m pretty sure she was there at the club with her sister Synonymous too, lol.


My lovely countrymen & countrywomen, have a knack of naming their kids the most random of names. So if you can call your child, “Flight”, “Hatred”, “Consider” and “Sophisticated” then the chances of “Anonymous” being someone’s name seems are very likely! And the chances of this mysterious lady, the muse of Bobby's song actually being called Anonymous are even more probable.

Listen to the song again, it will make perfect sense then.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to.

Oh and what’s this of Ms Beyonce Knowles trying to do her own cover version of Aaliyah’s track “One in a Million.” Has this chick heard of NOT messing with perfection. Eish, I love B and all , but now she’s just smoking ish!

That’s my two cents for the day :-)

Monday, December 03, 2007

Bah-Humbug

The first two days of this month better not be an indication of how the rest of the month is going to go, cause if it is, then I’m going to find me a rock to crawl under right this minute! Better yet, doesn’t someone feel like sending me on an all expense paid trip somewhere sunny where Mojito’s are free and forth coming!

I spent the better part of this weekend suffering from a terrible case of very bad hair! It all started with me being a bright spark and figuring that it would be a great idea to wash my hair before getting to the hair salon (don’t ask), at some point the power goes out, but I figure I’m okay ‘cause the hair salon will have power right….WRONG.

Lets just say, the whole city was without lights and generators were not doing what they’re supposed to. Hence, I had no choice but to rock my mad ever growing ‘fro all weekend and only managed to sort it out this morning at 6.15am when the electricity decided to jol back.

Weekend highlights

- Spending all of Sunday shooting-the-shit with a great friend who didn’t even flinch when I showed her the disaster that was my hair from under the bright blue dhuku I was sporting.
- Introducing a toddler to the finer sounds of dirty south rap, hahahaha, it was so cute how she was bopping along to the beat. Her father, an avid rave listener, however, was not impressed – hahahaha.

Weekend lowlights

- Very bad hair
- No lights
- No water
- Phone being funny

All this compounded with all sorts of other drama over the weekend has left me in a very, very frazzled un-chrismassy, bah-humbug kinda state.

I’m now going in search of that rock I was speaking about earlier…

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Keep Breathing

Open any news site and just scan over the main headlines they’re sporting, more often than not, its just a whole lot of bad news.

This world will never run out of bad news and that’s kinda depressing. What’s even more disheartening is how unreactive I am to most of these stories unless they directly affect me.

Some call it being cold, I think it’s just another form of self-preservation. We as human beings have to acknowledge that unless we belong to the cast of Heroes, none of us possess any super powers that can bring about world peace and alleviate poverty all over the world with the flick of a hand.

That’s why when I read stories like the one about Baby Grace I swear my heart breaks, it just crumbles because such situations are SO unnecessary & unavoidable.

Although I can’t do anything about what has happened, I believe I can possible make a difference in the present and future somehow. Every community has a Baby Grace or child in a similar situation that could be saved. It’s true what they say, charity begins at home.


"Keep Breathing" - Ingrid Michaelson

"The storm is coming but i don't mind.
People are dying, i close my blinds.

All that i know is i'm breathing now.

I want to change the world...instead i sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.

But all that i know is i'm breathing.
All i can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now."

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Performance reviews in an alternate reality


In all my excitement at it being the end of the year I had completely forgotten, or rather conveniently ignored that this time of the year means a lot of things in the big bad working world, one of them being dreaded performance appraisls.

In T-minus 45mins I have to have a one-on-one with the dreaded dragon-lady-boss to go over what I’ve been up to over the last 12 months. It’s not that I concerned about my performance at work, not at all, its just that any activity that involves the dragon-lady-boss is usual unpredictable and this is one of those situations where unpredictable is not good all. All that stands between me and my full yearly bonus is this dreaded meeting, eish.

I’ve been discretely observing her from the corner of my eye for the last few minutes and its looks like she’s having a good day (fingers crossed) which hopefully means minimal incoherent ramblings from her part during the meeting.

Performance appraisals suck, but at least they’re restricted to one aspect of our lives; just imagine they spilled over into other facets of our lives, like relationships. Every individual and their significant other would be meeting up to have conversations that went a little like this:

Partner 1: It’s been a few months since we hooked up at Joe Blogg’s crazy house party and we’ve been quite serious since then so I thought now would be a great time to assess your performance in this relationship.
Partner 2: Is it that time already? Golly whiz, how the time flies!.

Partner 1: Would you say you display a supportive attitude and rapport with me, your significant other?
Partner 2: Indeed I do, don’t you remember that night at [Insert Location] I had your back when your girls/boys took the mickey out of you, so I would rate myself pretty highly for my supportive attitude then.

Partner 1: Would you say you’ve been willing to work necessary overtime and take up additional responsibilities in this relationship.
Partner 2: Why sure, if you think back on that time you were tied up at work and I picked you up some food/tampons/bog roll and took up the roles of counsellor, chef and massage therapist when you got back to your place after a rather stressful day at the office.

Partner 1: You’ve done pretty well thus far. In the bedroom, however, would you say that you continually strive for continuous improvement and excellence of service delivery in that department?
Partner 2: (some shuffling in the chair and clearing of one’s throat) Well, I’ve never heard any complaints from you and given previous assessments from your predecessors I would say I score top marks in this department.

What I would give to be a fly on a wall if such conversations came up between people, lol.

Anywho, let me go and do some last minute prep for my review.




Monday, November 26, 2007

Santa baby: My Christmas Wish List

Santa baby,

Be a darling and get little old me a few things
from my Christmas list. I’ve listed them in
order of priority to help you out a little bit
(how very considerate of me, I know).
With less than a month till the big day,
I’m not leaving anything to chance!

So this is my list (the short-and-as-realistic-as-i-could-make-it version anyway)


1. Win an all expense paid holiday for two to The Maldives
2. A year’s subscription to “Habitat – The Art of Living” magazine
3. Gilmore Girls: The Complete Series on DVD
4. Nigella Lawson’s book “How To Be A Domestic Goddess”
5.Yoga & Tai Chi workout DVD’s.
6. BBC Prime’s Jane Austen adaptation of “Pride & Prejudice” DVD
7. A bright red and/or black oblong clutch bag
8. Book - 'Vogue' Covers: On Fashion's Front Page
9. Movies: Bundle of Joy & Auntie Mame
10. World Peace & Good Health for all.

You and I both know that the day is more about the people we share it with and the love and laughter we share on that day…but lots of pressies wouldn’t hurt either, lol.

"Think of all the fun I've missed,
Think of all the fellows that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be just as good
If you check off my christmas list”
Marilyn Monroe – Santa baby





Thursday, November 22, 2007

Playing it nonchalant

As some of you might have noticed, I’ve been in a bit of a rut of late. Lots of things in my life have to change, one of them being my job…yes, I know I’ve said this before but this time I’m not only saying something about it but am actually doing something about it too :-)

The more I either research or participate in interviews the more I get the feeling that I’m about to go on some huge date of sorts.

You’ve got to admit, the similarities are uncanny.

The Night Before

  • Try and find out absolutely everything about prospective mate/employer, resorting to
    a) Googling them (God bless Google);
    b) Calling up friends who have any inside knowledge on prospective mate/employer, most importantly, what “type” of person they’re looking for.
  • Have hypothetical conversations in your head with prospective mate/employer, trying to pre-empt any questions that may be thrown to your way.
  • Rehearse how to come across as witty, engaging and intelligent, but in a entirely unrehearsed way.

The Morning After the Night Before

  • Obsess over what to wear at first meeting trying to find a balance between enhancing your best feminine bits without looking like a woman of loose morals.
  • Call up friends for a last minute spirit boosting talk, said friends should provide calm, soothing reassurance with statements like, “You’ll blow them away” and “You’re the baddest mofo on the block”.
  • Debate whether to put on makeup shades you haven’t experimented with yet like that bright red blush still in its wrapping.
  • Decide against the crimson blush at the last minute (common sense finally kicking in) in case you end up looking like Aunt Sally from Worzel Gumidge.
  • Watch the clock obsessively fearful that somehow a couple hours will pass without you noticing.

En Route to Rendezvous

  • Don’t open window on drive for fear of messing up strategically hair-do.
  • Attempt to find something soothing to listen to, however find you are too jumpy so even the likes of Texas sounds like some heavy dirty south gangsta rap.
  • Opt for silence instead.
  • Decide to use silence constructively and send a shout-out to the Big Man in the Sky hoping he can score you a big favour (pretty please).

Final destination

  • Do last minute hair plumping and lip balm application in the car.
  • Announce yourself to the maître de/receptionist who assesses you with exaggerated disdain (am I being paranoid or are they actually smirking!).
  • Silently give yourself a last-minute pep talk although to all onlookers it looks like you are thoroughly engrossed in the reading material found in the elaborate waiting area.

Show Me What You Got Lil' Mama

  • At the mention of one’s name from said “date” miraculously morph into the perfect blend of charming nonchalance (thanks to previous nights rehearsals).

    Let the dazzling begin…

Grand finale

  • Smile and laugh where appropriate (even if said remark is as dry as the Kalahari).
  • Reiterate just how happy you are to have this meeting/get together without giving off an air of desperation or stammering.
  • Say cordial goodbyes, walk off to your car all the while praying that they will call.......... (after all, didn’t they promise to.)

Exit

Monday, November 19, 2007

So many questions, so little answers

I’m a bit of control freak...who am I kidding, I’m a whole lot of a control freak. I’m that person who’s always trying to find a logical reason for things. I have an innate need to make sense of all the crazy and illogical things that go on in this world.

When I was younger it was much easier to put two and two together and come out with four. However, as I get older, that particular equation is coming up with all manner of double and triple digit numbers, let’s just say, nothing is adding up.

Maybe it’s a case of the 20-something syndrome which causes you to doubt not only yourself but everything and everyone around you. Of late I have a lot of questions and i need answers and I’m drawing blanks here, my knickers are in a permanent knot.

After a little reflection this weekend, I narrowed down a bit of the problem. I am always trying to draw on answers from myself, which is kind of absurd now I think about it. When did I become all-knowing and powerful, when did I ever have all the answers, when did I morph into The Great & Powerful Oz?

There’s nothing wrong in questioning, for the questions we ask not only help us find answers about questions we asked, but reveal answers about ourselves. (Okay, that line sounded cryptic, even to me and I’m the one writing it out! Hope you get my drift anyway).

What I am learning is that at times however, you have to relinquish control, admit you don’t have all the answers, acknowledge that a lot of things are beyond your sphere of control and just have faith. You can’t worry about what has occurred in the past, or what is to occur in the future, all we have control over is the here and now.

Sometimes faith is all you’ve got but I just need to remember that that’s a lot in itself right there.

Friday, November 16, 2007

My very own Itchy & Scratchy show...

My younger brother’s little admirers have a tendency to shower him with gifts…lots of gifts. I have never seen anything like it! Given that Christmas is just round the corner, he’s going to be in the money, quite literally.

What was I saying again, oh yes, gifts. He has all sorts of really expensive colognes sent to him from diasporan admirers, he has countless chains & bracelets, teddy-bears (ummm, who buys a guy a teddy bear?), clothing and probably a lot more I would rather not know of!!!

What puzzles me the most is where are 16 – 20yr old girls sourcing the funds to buy him this stuff? Many a parent is wondering where the extra cash in their wallets has gone or why certain furnishings in their house have gone missing is my guess.

Once in a while, I tend to pocket some of these gifts, the chains mainly, ‘because they usually have amazing pendants…oh and because finders are keepers and losers are weepers.

I do, however, get paranoid that one day I will find some random female admirer of his glaring at me while I’m at the shops or out on the town, because she recognises that chain I’m adorning was her gift to my brother…but I am willing to take that risk.

Correction, I WAS willing to take that risk, but no longer am because I came to the vast realisation that as generous as those 16 – 20yr old girls are, they’re freaking cheap!

Those chain gifts of theirs are made from the most freaking reactive metal ever…a metal that has now been absorbed by the pores of my skin and turned my neck into not so subtle red shade and adorned it with a rash which is itchy like heck!

Poetic justice you may say….bloody unnecessary & most unfortunate I say!

Have a fantastic weekend!

V x

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Good Friend Gone Bad

Someone near and dear to my heart is dealing with a case of "good friend gone real bad" syndrome. You know the one: You have a fab "friend", during the sunny, fun times they are there for you but when shit hits the proverbial fan, there're nowhere to be found.

Ah yes, we've been through that kind of situation at some point in time. It makes us reconsider what traits truly makes a friend, what kind of people we want in our lives and we realise, that life is too short to surround ourselves with people not worthy of our time and attention.

We all need to weed our friend garden once in a while.

I've been blessed with amazing friends: friends i've had for a longtime, friends that at times know me better than myself (this can be annoying sometimes, lol), friends who are extremely supportive especially when i've messed up but who had let me know long before that i was on the road to messing up, friends that make me laugh until i snort, friends who pass me the kleenex when i'm sobbing my heart out, friends who have driven me to the doctor when i was incapable of doing so myself, friends who amaze me with their generosity of spirit, friends who challenge my ideals and thoughts, friends who encourage and inspire me to be the best that i can be and friends who would take a bullet for me.

To all these friends, i would like to say thank you and i love you all to bits :-)

A Snarl for Loose Friends

Many who say friend,
friend, clutch their balls like prayers
for fear something of themselves
may break loose and get away.

Many who mumble love,
love keep an eye fixed for the fire
ladder, the exit hatch and at the first,
sign of trouble do not hang around to chat.

Many who talk of community
called the real estate agent last night
and the papers are drawn up to sell their land
to a nuclear power plant that shows dirty movies.

Don't count your friends by their buttons
until you have seen them pushed a few times.

Marge Piercy

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The Silent Treatment


The traits above accurately describe my current boss and then some! Now, i've worked for some interesting characters, most notably;
  1. A recovering coke-head who constantly fell off the wagon & who was prone to unexplainable fits of rage;
  2. A power hungry, frustrated ex-combatant who sadly had already been-all-that-he-could-be and had a dislike for all things female;
  3. A lecherous old man more interested on the length of one's skirt rather than one's opinion on strategies for the next quarter; and,
  4. The career sportsman who spent more of his time at sporting events than actually in the office.

Yes, i have a wide array of bosses who have taught me a lot, more along the lines of what NOT to do when in a certain situation. At the same time, i have been blessed with some amazing mentors who have provided me with guidance, motivation and inspiration...sadly, my current boss does not belong in this category!

My current boss is Passive Aggression personified;

  • She over commits and rarely delivers and then starts pointing fingers and blaming everyone else but herself!;
  • She has fits of rage where she talks to herself and is often heard telling herself off (cuckoo!); and,
  • She's moodier than a 14yr old teenage girl PMS'ing - she's been known to go days without talking to any in the team even when subtly prompted because she's having guy issues??!!!.

My colleagues and i are almost used to this behaviour now (although honestly, who should really get used to such behaviour). We have developed some coping mechanisms like; avoiding direct eye contact with her (she seems to see this as sign of aggression, lol), reverting to email as a mode of communication and last, but not least, putting our earphones on & playing soothing music whilst doing one's work.

Not an ideal situation at the very least, but definitely a learning curve...albeit a steep one :-)

Friday, November 09, 2007

"We Ride (I See The Future)" - Mary J Blige

[Intro]
Just can't help it
I love my hun
All that I need
And all that I want
Said I just can't help it
I love my hunAll that I need
And all that I want

[1st Verse:]
Everybody asking "Why Mary ain't mad no more?"
It seems like a question
That I've already answered
Like too many times before
Now ladies if you got a man
And he treat you real good
Ain't you gon' flex
Every chance that you get
Now ain't you gonna love him
Just like you should
Especially when you never thought you would
Yeah
Oh you know that I'm all into the feeling
And I never look to lose it
Oh for sho' this is consistent
With you I find a rhythm

[chorus]
From the day, to the night
We ride
We ride
We ride
Hey, how you like it
How you like it
I see the future baby
You and I
Better with time

And it is, what it is
And I just can't help it
And I felt, what I felt
No, I just can't help it
I see the future, baby
Me and you
That's how we do

[2nd Verse:]
I got a song in my heart
That's all that I need
I sing it a capellaI
sing it to the beat
What we are is classic
You know it because your attitude shows it
Now fellas if you got a girl
And she treats you right
Ain't you gonna spend
Every dollar, every cent
Ain't you gonna make sure she stay fly
Especially when she's reppin' you for life

[Chorus x 1]

[Bridge:]

You are mine
I told you before
I wouldn't lie
I need you and more
Gotta stay with you
I am safe with you

Let me repeat it
In case you forgot
Love is a mountain
And we're at the top
Yeah
Breath and strength
Cause I see the future in your eyes

[Chorus x 1]

[Outro:]
Just can't help it
i love my hun(And we ride)
All that I need
And all that i want
Said I just can't help it
I love my hun(And we ride)
All that I need
And all that I want

From the day'
Till the night
We ride
We ride

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Man, I feel like a Woman!


Granted, us chicks have to put up with some rather natural “nasty” afflictions like going through child-birth, PMS, wearing very high-heels, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love being a chick, cause truth be told, we get away with murder (sometimes literally…watch the Crime and Investigation channel if you think I’m lying).

Today’s events at lunch cemented in my mind the huge benefits of being a member of the so-called “weaker” sex, one of which was quick and efficient customer service.

My female colleague and I paid a visit to the bank where we were told by the male teller that they were closed and would be open in an hour’s time. After much sighing we walked out, wondering what to do next, only to be called back by the same teller, who informed us, with some rather flirtatious smiling, that he would do us a favour, even if it cost him his job. We reciprocated with simpering smiles and the like, got our transactions done and sauntered out of there, discussing a) What would possess him to break banking policies and b) Men are such easy targets sometimes.

We then proceeded from the bank to service/gas/petrol station to get the oil and water in the car checked, only to be eagerly assisted by not one, not two but FOUR mechanics….FOUR! Eish, in a country not known for its customer service by a long shot, this was a miracle. It was amusing to watch the mechanics bustle about, competing to do the various checks, laughing amongst themselves at how there were four of them there. For performing a service (that was for free) we left them with a tip and a smile.

Yes, today’s events reinforced, that its great to be woman!

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Mums the word!

Like most Zim queens*, my mother tends to believe her children are up to no good. On countless occasions my siblings and I have tried to convince her that we turned out pretty well…who am I kidding, we let her know that she got blooming crème de la crème of the brat batch**.

However, this theory is constantly put to the test when she finds the odd copy of the Kama Sutra (not mine) when “dusting”, the secret ciggie stash (once again, not mine) when putting clothes away, the ever depleting bottles of booze from the bar (that's me) or the mere fact that we are out until dawn gyrating to the devil’s music (guilty as charged).

Nope, judging by the amount of time my mother spends praying, honestly, you would think that she had spawned four versions of the devil incarnate.

Nevertheless, nothing, NOTHING could have prepared me for the conversation I had with her a couple of weeks ago. People, I could not make this stuff up if I tried!

Background Scene: It’s 10pm on an odd Saturday night and I am IM’ing and FB’ing friends. All in all, it was the perfect recipe for a very lame night indoors.

Mom: (Suspiciously looks into the room) “What are you doing?”

Me: “Messing about on the computer” (sheepishly trying to look like I am doing something constructive)

Mom: (Sits down next me and looks off into the distance quite pensively)…….(silence).

Me: (nervously watches her out of the corner of the eye wondering “what’s up”)

Mom: “So I was thinking, you and your sisters need to sit down together, talk and tell eachother, ‘No more fornicating’”

Me: (burst into a nervous giggle which then turns into a coughing fit) “What???”

Mom: “There is so much evil in the world, without exposing yourself to it by sleeping around.’

Me: “Umm, who’s sleeping around exactly…after all, it is 10pm on a Saturday nite and I am still at home with no intention of fornicating tonight.”

Mom: “Well, just something to think about, good nite”(and she exits the room)

I promptly dissolved into laughter, which then caused a lot of snorting and wiping the tears out of my eyes, all brought on by my excessive amusement.

I was left there wondering WTF???

My mother has spouted some truly priceless stuff in the past, but this, definitely makes my Top 5 List of Mum’s quotes. It’s right up there with, “If I buy you silk pyjamas for Uni, promise me you won’t go around showing them to all the boys!.’

Yes, my mother is a riot! As the dutiful child that I am, I thought it only the right thing to call up my lovely sisters and pass on our mother’s very wise words. These words were met by fits of giggles and expressions like, “You lie!”, “Urrrgh, I hate that word…”fornicating”, “Gosh, I wish I was getting some…but I’m having a bit of a dry spell actually” and “Trust you to defend yourself Vim and leave us hanging”.

*Queen = Zim slang for “mother”, after all, we all know who is really running the show at home :-)
** Come now; look at what Marilyn Manson’s mother has to put up with? Or the mother who reared Miss Always-caught-without-any-knicker’s Britney’s

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Trick or Treat

You don't get a lot of things in this part of the world, like the bare necessities; water, magetsi/electricity, flour...okay, i could go on. But today, what i want to whinge about, is that NOBODY, other than the odd US national residing in these parts, celebrates Halloween. I get all sorts of bogus responses ranging from, "I don't believe in worshipping pagan holidays" to "Hallow-what?".

All i want is an opportunity to get dressed up is all, couldn't be bothered that its a pagan holiday...if you are gonna get technical about it, Christmas is a pagan holiday as its celebrated on same day as Ra, the Sun God's day (thank Constantine for that one).

Otherwise, can't believe there are 2mths until the end of the year, *eeeek* And judging by the excess amount of emails i am receiving during working hours from around the globe, the happy/silly season has begun and productivity levels at work are dropping steadily. Long lunches are the order of the day, as is getting in late and leaving early.... If only my dragon-lady boss would hitting one of her MIA stunts that she's so good at doing so i can hightail it home earlish *sigh*

Halloween Horoscope for Libra



You only like halloween if you have a special someone to share it with.

You like a romantic scary evening together - no big parties or events for you.

Costume suggestions: Romeo and Juliet or Batman and Catwoman

Signature Halloween candy: Nerds

Scary movie you should celebrate Halloween with: Silence of the Lambs

Monday, October 29, 2007

"I'm only happy when it rains"

Okay the subject title isn’t all that accurate, I’m not only happy when it rains, however, there’s nothing like a torrential downpour to put me in high spirits so the music group Garbage were onto something when the wrote a track by that very name. The sweet pitter-patter of rain on one’s window combined with some hot chocolate, lots of comfort food and lots of trashy novels = utter bliss my friends, utter bliss.

The majority of my weekend was spent in that state, once in a while I would get up to look outside and just smile, blue skies are so overrated, I would take grey, angry looking clouds and rain with lots of character any day. Yes siree bob, I love it when pane ka-weather.

I also took the opportunity to update my music collection, if I have to listen to what’s on my iPod one more time, I’ll scream. Who would have thunk it was possible to get bored of 634 songs. Anywho, I think the weather had a lot to do with the stuff I was downloading, coz the majority of the beats I got fell somewhere in the wrist-splitting-curled-up-in-fetal-position genre. I did of course get the obligatory commercial songs, and then some golden oldies.

Obligatory-commercial-songs-that-i -can’t-stop-humming-to-myself:
Timbaland feat One Republic – Apologise
Eve feat Swiss Beats – Tambourine

Wrist-splitting-crying-over-spilt-milk-songs:
Corrinne Bailey Rae – I won’t let you lie to yourself
Anya Marina – Miss halfway
Anne Waronker – How am I doing
Ingrid Michaelson – Corner of your heart
Let’s Go Sailing – All I wanted from you is love

Golden Oldies (have no idea who sings these tho!):
War, what is it good for(absolutely nothing)?
It’s my party
Earth Angel

On Sunday nite my honey and I watched “Stranger than Fiction”, he’s a big fan of the movie, I just found it odd and whimsical at best, but after sitting and giving it a think, it was a pretty clever, entertaining movie that deals with all sorts of topics like:

a) Are we truly in total control of our destinies ,
b) Are we so caught up in the humdrum activities of life that life itself then passes us by cause we are stuck in our comfort zones and,
c) To give up your life to save another’s life, you inevitably save your own life in the process.

Let me leave you with my favourite quote of the whole movie, given by Emma Thompson’s character:

“Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair,
in routine and constancy,
in hopelessness and tragedy,
we can thank God for Bavarian sugar cookies.

And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies,
we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin,
or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement,
or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort…
and maybe the occasional piece of fiction.

And we must remember that all these things,
the nuances,
the anomalies,
the subtleties,
which we assume only accessorize our days,
are effective for a much larger and nobler cause.
They are here to save our lives.”.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

I am a Spideracist

"Sorry i'm not home right now
I'm walking into spiderwebs
Leave a message
And i'll call you back"
No Doubt - "Spiderwebs"


In the after-life, when I reach the pearly gates and St Peter holla’s out my name and I’m about to make my grand entrance into the Land of All That Is Good, my path will be blocked by millions and millions of angry spider souls, who will literally have a bone to pick with me.

You see, over the past few days, I’ve extinguished quite a few lives, spider lives to be exact!

It being summer and all, these eight-legged monstrosities think its cool to crawl in from the garden or attic (or wherever they chill) to hang out in my room or bathroom. So like an Italian Don in the making, I decided to send a clear message to the spider nation capisce, by eliminating these inhabitants in the great hopes that fellow spider onlookers to this horrific acts of mine will send word back to base-camp that certain rooms are off bounds.

Sadly that tactic doesn’t seem to be working. I can be found trying to reason with them, imploring them to leave my room otherwise I won’t be held responsible for my actions. I’ll trot off to catch my hourly dose of bad tv in the high hopes that on my return the perpetrator would have vamoosed my living quarters, but noooooooooooooo, he’d still be found lurking, quite smugly actually, where I’d left him.

What’s even stranger is that for every two spiders I vanquish, another 4 appear in their place. And what’s even worse is that they’ve taken to molesting me in the shower now*shudder shudder*

I’m not a happy puppy…boo!

Monday, October 22, 2007

"In Repair" - John Mayer


Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right

Oh, it’s taken so long
I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh, but if I take my heart’s advice
I should assume it’s still unsteady
I am in repair
I am in repair


Stood on the corner for a while
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hoping it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new luck upon me


Oh, it’s taken so long
I could be wrong, I could be ready

Oh, but if I take my heart’s advice
I should assume it’s still unsteady
I am in repair
I am in repair

And now I’m walking in the park
And all of the birds, they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me

Oh, it’s taken so long
I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh, but if I take my heart’s advice
I should assume it’s still unsteady
Oh yeah, I’m never really ready, yeah
Oh yeah, I’m never really ready, yeah
I’m in repair
I’m not together but I’m getting there (x6)

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Another 4yrs of this....*big sigh*


As Joe rightly said on his blog, we're never gonna hear the end of this EVER!!!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Things i don't mind going Pear-shaped

I am quite chuffed with myself these days, I put together a lovely workout routine and I’ve stuck to it…its been 18 days* and counting and I haven’t floundered, well not yet anyway. I’m so proud, I’ve drawn up a chart and everything! I’m not alone, it seems the summer weather has brought out the fitness bunny in all, so I have plenty of people to compare notes with.

One of the things I’ve picked up on is a phrase used by my friend Gugu’s personal trainer. He refers to one’s gluteus maximus as “Africa” and supposedly throws out expressions like, “Help Africa”, “Do it for Africa”, “Is Africa hurting today?”. I found that hilarious and have incorporated it into my fitness vocab, which tends to throw people off a bit.

I have wholeheartedly accepted my pear-shaped body, after all, I’m in good company with the likes of Ms Knowles & Ms Lopez. I’ve also thrown out my bathroom scale, does more harm than good that thing. Lunges and squats will be the death of me but at least I will be able to proclaim quite proudly one day that,”Africa is holding up quite alright J”

*18 days doesn’t sound like a long time for the average person, however, you must realise you are dealing with a person with the attention-span of a gnat!**
**Disclaimer: That was a figure of speech, I have no way of knowing what the attention span of gnat is, although I would guess its way shorter than 18days..hehe.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Queen for a Day!



My favourite day of the year (besides Christmas Day) is upon us once again! Yes Ladies and Gents, its my birthday today. I love birthdays, yes i do realise it means i'm getting older but isn't it wonderful that there's a whole day that belongs to oneself. I suffer from typical "middle child" syndrome, so the more attention i get, there better!


The inventory count goes like this: I woke up to many smses from around the globe, received many calls, my mother gave me the "i carried you for 9 mths" speech after i pointed out i wanted a pressie from her, my father sang for me (after having to be reminded that it was actually my birthday, men!) & even threw in a manic dance that shouldnt be performed again...EVER, my prodigal student brother even called which must have finished his airtime - ah bless, my older sis got a head start by wishing me happy birthday yesterday and my younger sister is somewhere in China hopefully picking up a few goodies for me *ahem* - Yes, i do think i am doing well this year :-)


The birthday fever was ever present this weekend, i channelled this energy into baking 36 cupcakes! 20 of which only made it to the office this morning to feed my fellow co-workers. Still can't believe i baked, i'm taking this domestic goddess metamorphis quite seriously!

My one birthday wish would be to have my diasporan family members, my girls and my honey here with me to enjoy the day (read: get piss drunk somewhere)...another time i guess.

Let us have birthdays every day,
(I had the thought while I was shaving)
Because a birthday should be gay,
And full of grace and good behaving.
We can't have cakes and candle bright,
And presents are beyond our giving,
But let lt us cherish with delight
The birthday way of lovely living.

Robert William Service


Birthday Shoutouts for Today: My "twin" Taffy, Keyshia Cole, Elena Dementieva (who kicked garo over the weekend), Eric Benet (i share my birthday with a confirmed sex addict...no comment), ex Princess Fergie, Mario Puzo (author of The Godfather) & Genuwine!


Thursday, October 11, 2007

Stalking just got easier




“Facebook, how do I love thee?
Let me count the ways…”

Out of all the nifty inventions and innovations that have popped up in the last 10 years, Facebook scores very high on my list…dammit, who am I fooling, its on the top of my list.

After ignoring numerous requests by well-meaning friends, I eventually gave into the hype and haven’t looked back since. It’s been a few months now, but my love affair with FB is thriving.

If it wasn’t for FB…

1. I wouldn’t have been able to find every person I have ever known. going as far back as the chick in the cot next to me in the “Newly Arrived Babies” ward, 20-odd years ago;

2. Strange men from stranger parts of the world wouldn’t be able to get hold of me to ask me for anything ranging from sexual favours to just a chat…riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight;

3. I would forget most people’s birthdays, all 1000 of them;

4. I wouldn’t have such amicable rapport with most of my exes, even the one who posted pictures of him and his many chicks on FB 3 days after we had officially broken up - yes, even him;

5. I wouldn’t be able to “facebook” (read: stalk) interesting people *manic laughter*;

6. I wouldn’t know the thoughts, whereabouts, actions and bowl movements of all my friends. There is nothing as charming as know that “So-and-so is regular…”

7. I wouldn’t get poked, ever ;-)

8. I wouldn’t have a wealth of knowledge at my fingertips about where to go on the weekend or what parties, clubs etc where being held in general.

Love it or hate it, Facebook is here to stay and I’m quite happy about that. If you have no idea what I’ve been rambling on about, you have clearly been living under a rock...


"You cannot be friends with yourself." - facebook.com

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

No One - Alicia Keys

Ms Keys is back better than ever with this debut single from her new album that i’m falling for big time! I don’t know what it is about this song; the beat, the soulful lyrics or just the heart-felt way she belts this song out, it just works! Much love to Kumbi for putting me on to it, good looking out :-)

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don’t worry cuz
Everything’s gonna be alright
People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is everything’s gonna be alright

(Chorus)
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
You you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don’t worry cuz
Everythings gonna be alright
People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is everything’s gonna be alright

(Chorus x1)

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try
Try to divide
Something so real
So till the end of time
I’m telling you that

No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I’m feeling
No one no one no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you
oh oh oh …


Monday, October 08, 2007

Too much of a good thing...

Every once in a while a mystery is solved, and this morning CNN provided me with my daily dose of enlightenment. It appears they have finally found the raison d’etre of the Appendix, that wormy looking organ that tends to lead people to have near-death experiences from time-to-time. It seems the Appendix “comes in peace”, when its not trying to kill you that is. Now if only they could come up with information that would actually help the average person, like, the cure for the common cold would be lovely!

I am currently nursing a headache from hell induced by this rather lovely weather we are having, it seems that too much of a good thing can actually be bad for you; the sun and its accompanying heat headlines this list today. Yes, I have tried to drink water, but that stuff tastes really bland and now I am meant to drink 8 glasses of it, shoot me now!

Weekend highlights:

Friday night I passed on bhawa to watch…wait for it…the much anticipated Disney musical, High School Musical 2! Yes I do realise I am too old for such things, but the first one was so much fun, I assumed the sequel would be too. Sadly, this latest instalment was*ahem* challenging to get through at best. Question: Is it possible for a musical to have too much singing in it?

To make up for the rather fluffy movie watching antics of Friday nite on Saturday I took a walk over to the dark side with a very strange movie, “Black Moan Snake.” It was one of those rather dark movies that doesn’t feed you the happily-ever-after type endings Hollywood is so fond of throwing at us.

I was feeling very anti-social this weekend (henceforth all the flick watching) and successfully managed to dodge Jigga’s many calls and smses trying to coerce me out of the house (thanks for trying hun, but eish, it was non-starter for sure). When I eventually emerged on Sunday, it was to get my ass thrashed at a game of tennis…again *sigh* The only consolation after suffering another humiliating defeat was that I found some fellow poker players, so plans are in motion for a much anticipated poker night, yay!.